To think I will always have financial stress now others have pointed this out?

Exactly, plus kid is only six! Why presume dc will even want to go?
Not to mention a salary more than double minimum wage.

But you are doing just fine now. You can keep going as you are and downsize once she had left home, then you release the equity for your retirement, university or whatever you want it for

Which part of the country do you
love in OP? Also, how old are you?

This was my first thought too.

Get therapy for anxiety and never go hungry when you have money in the bank!
You’re really doing well and it’s a shame you can’t enjoy life - no need to worry about stuff that may never happen.

It's not all up to you - as an adult it will be her future - don't take ownership of her, you sound in danger of suffocating her. She's 6 - she needs you to love her and spend time with her and be interested in what she does. - try living in the moment a bit more.

Anxious is fine but anxious to the point you refuse to eat for several days every month isn’t normal. You need help.

That's awful that you go without meals. Is it your mortgage which is crippling you? As you have $360K in equity why not downsize and buy something outright or with a really small mortgage. This is no way to live, missing meals.

Sorry, just realised you said your age.

But plenty of single parents commenting and saying you are in a great position..

You're more than a normal amount of anxious about something that could potentially happen in 12 years. I’m also a single mum with no support from my ex, I don’t worry about uni, I may worry about how we’re going to eat at the end of the month without 20k in savings, but I always make
it work.

OP, you really aren't well if this is how you're thinking.

There are tens of thousands of single parents, some with more than one child, who are far, far worse off than you. They may be privately renting and so very insecure in that regard. They might be skipping meals because they don't have a penny left, while you have £20k in the bank and are still putting £200 away a month. You earn £53k and have a pension. You have a secure roof over you and your daughter's head.

You must surely recognise that you are very much better off than most single mothers? If you can't see that and are as anxious as this, I really do think that you need to look for some help with your anxiety and emotions.

There's always someone worse off - I don't think that makes many people feel better.

Honestly, try not to worry, I too am a single mum,
18 years older than you. I always thought of the cash for the mortgage as “rent”, knowing that I could downsize when they were older. My DS has done an apprenticeship, my DD went to uni, but she chose a relatively cheap location and got herself a job so I only have to top up about £100 a month.

An offset mortgage has been a lifesaver for me- the interest rate is slightly higher but it gives you flexibility to borrow when you need to and pay in lump sums if you are ever lucky enough to have them. This house is my only security and that’s ok. Like others say- there are many who are not so lucky. Try not to worry, just think about this year and next year and not the next twenty!

Yes , reading your replies, I genuinely think you should get some counseling about this. I appreciate it is very stressful to have full responsibility for everything but you seem to be ruining your life worrying when you don't need to.
If you look at the news any day if the week, we all see things that scare us out of our minds but we can rationalize that these things are unlikely to happen to us, even though they may. With respect, you don't seem to have the ability to do this and you must find it or your daughter will end up the same.

How do these men get away with paying nothing?

Why are you saving for a six-year old's hypothetical uni fees and not eating? Some of us are skipping meals because there is no money. You have money. Lots of it. It's your perspective that's lacking.

I'd like your version of 'struggling'.

20k in savings, 360k equity, you can save £200 a month. You're not struggling FFS! There are people out there truly struggling but you aren't one of them.

Op ignore all the 'monthly python posters' as I call them- 'you're lucky! I slept in a cardboard box at the bottom of a pit' - you need to watch Monty python if you don't get the reference but if it feels like it's a problem to you then it's a problem to you. This is a discussion forum. The op is allowed to discuss things that are worrying her. Just cos other people are in a different financial situation doesn't change that. Scroll on past!

This.

Sorry op. I know it’s hard - I was a single parent for many years myself in a very similar situation but your thinking is wrong. You’re actually very privileged compared to a lot of people.

With respect you are in a position many people would envy , read back what you have written, you have no reason at all to go without meals with savings of 20k, a sum most people only dream of.
At 6 years old now is the time to downsize if your'e going to do it without causing your child upset , it's when they become settled in school and friendships that they need more stability from my experience.
I think you need to put things into perspective , you have it good compared to so many.

Only the mumsnet demographic expects to pay towards uni. All the other kids save in a gap year, use the student loan and take part time and holiday jobs. Can’t afford accommodation fees, they have to choose a uni close to home.
For most families this isn’t a choice it’s reality, your perspective on financial expectations is very skewed OP

Sounds like a pretty good situation to be in tbh.

Nice cushion of equity within your property - not many thirty-something single parents will have £300k+ in equity on a property.

IMO the most challenging part of this is that you are solely responsible. That you can’t get around!

Im sure this exact post has been posted twice in the last month or so.

OP please never ever go without food. There’s honestly no need.

Please be kind to yourself. Have some decent food. There’s no reason to go without. You deserve food.