To think the hilarity just wasn’t necessary?

Is this for real? I’m doubting the OP given the reference to York Dungeon which is a history-based live entertainment
spooky jump-scare kind of a place, including audience participation. Does reflecting on that mean wondering if you should have taken your kid in or going back over the hilarious bit with the actors when they crept up behind you or laughed at the people from Leeds?

You must admit it's quite unusual behaviour OP. If it's your favourite topic then presumably you know a lot about it, so what was there to digest on your own? Having said that, isn't it wonderful we're not all the same?

I'm an historian so I completely get your love of history. I give history tours most weeks and this week has been particularly interesting as we've had an archaeological dig where I work and I've learned things I didn't hitherto know about our site - things that I've continued to research at my leisure. I think if I'd conspicuously disappeared off to think about things by myself and actually told people that's what I was doing, I could expect a bit of gentle ribbing.

I'm sure your family enjoy the fact you have such an intense interest - they just find it amusing too, which is fine. When DH and I meet new people, if they ask what job I have my DH literally groans and says "Don't start her off", but he actually loves what I do - my enthusiasm has just become a bit of a family joke. Don't take it to heart.

Conversations do move on, though, @DonnySue - and it is not reasonable for anyone to want the conversation to stay on one particular topic, when others want to move on.

And I am sorry, but telling your dd you wanted time to reflect on the conversation does sound somewhat pretentious to me - it smacks of ‘I am such a deep thinker - much deeper than the rest of you - so I need time for my deep thoughts’. I’d laugh, to myself, at least, if one of my family said something similarly wanky.

For me, reflecting is something you do, rather than telling anyone you're doing it in the hear & now. A bit like that fella on The Apprentice a few years ago, who -when faced with two other contestants who were bickering - stepped in and said "OK guys, I'm going to diffuse this situation". No. As Jenny Eclair then said on the follow-up show "You're Fired", you don't say that, you just do it.

Also, to take yourself away to "reflect" on something very close to oneself that's just been dragged to the surface is one thing, to do it about distant history is probably not an everyday occurrence, so that may have raised a smile or two.

I have to say though, the way you've written it had me quite literally crying with laughter (particularly "I tried to get the topic back up and running but sister kept saying everyone was still reflecting - cue more hilarity") - not at you, but it could have passed for a script in a sitcom. Please don't be embarrassed by your family laughing - it sounds light hearted, even if you can't feel this ATM.

In that she was interested in something that was unusual, turns out a lot of people agreed with her & raised thousands of pounds to excavate his remains. Do you feel better now having a laugh.

It means PP is a Mumsnet Classics Bore who likes to advertise her membership of an in group.

(wrote this comment a couple of times and deleted it for being bitchy, but then I reread PP's comment.)

Totally pretentious and wanky 😂 my siblings would never stop taking the piss out of me if I said this! YABU

I think laughing at someone is mean and cruel - usually, but tbh @DonnySue that was very peculiar behaviour. Very 'Ross from Friends.' Do you have a synthesiser, and do you collect fossils? Do you play the bagpipes badly?

I agree. I grew up with family like this, who laughed at me for being me, took the piss and made me feel small for things I said or did.

I spent as little time as possible with them and didn't mourn then when they died. And I won't allow anyone to treat my children that way, I celebrate then for who they are and their quirks.

I don’t think it is normal to sit in a park and reflect on it. Just because you don’t sit and reflect straight after doesn’t meant you forget about you’ve seen. Most people would talk about it as they made their way to the car/train/restaurant about their favourite bits or what they didn’t like or what they didn’t realise. It might then come up a bit on the journey home or the meal but it might stray into other topics too. At some point in the future, you might say “you know when we went to York Dungeons, did you know that…, I didn’t and I did a bit of research and…”. I also don’t get why you would reflect on anything historical but not something like a petting zoo. It seems like you are making your child reflect on the trips around your interest rather than actually reflecting on their own interests. It feels very self indulgent and this is really the only the interest of any merit. If you are going to reflect on your outings, then you should reflect on all of them.

I think that shows you trying to keep the conversation on history even though others naturally wanted to move on. Then rather than sit through that conversation, you went outside because it didn’t interest you. Everyone else sat through the history conversation that you wanted to do but you couldn’t give everyone else the same grace. Even if you didn’t want to talk about Trump you could have sat quietly, doing your reflection then (and if asked just said, you don’t want to talk about Trump as it’s very emotive and can lead to disagreements) or even just let the conversation rumble on for a bit and then offered to make everyone a drink. You didn’t need to step outside and unless your ND, it would be really irritating that you can only have a conversation on your terms and your specialist interests. It is really showy.

I think this is uncalled for, CatPuss. This is a really personal comment and it’s pretty cruel.

Do most museums have gardens and benches?

Stately homes have gardens because they're homes...

Every other museum I've been to has been in the middle of the town/city and didn't have space for a garden

I work in a museum OP so I totally get your love of history.

But me and my family would've cracked up if one of them had said that to us! 🤭

Having said that, humour is a personal thing and if you don't find it funny, that's that really.

It's quite common for me to do a bit of followup research on my phone if something piques my interest (and I am very interested in history), but this can be done surrounded by others or later. Are you focusing more on the emotional connection you feel inspired by the conversation rather than facts?

I think either way the joy of families is being able to gently take the piss out of each other

I have lots of interests too OP, so I get you wanting to engage with your own interest and being pleased when it came up and you were learning about it- the bit where I think the social interaction started to strain was when everyone else wanted to move onto something else (politics) and you absented yourself- this seemed rational to you, as you wanted to carry on with your special interest, but the plain fact is everyone else did not, and you also left as if you weren't interested in their topics, only your own. Them laughing is probably to diffuse the situation, because it's a bit odd to leave a conversation as it's not going the way you want- that's what happens in groups, and most people don't get up and leave to 'reflect' on their own special interest topic.

You felt upset they were laughing but really it was just dealing with what was a slightly off social interaction, it's not that typical to leave when things deviate from exactly what you want to talk about.

Our museum has benches so people can enjoy the gardens without having to sit on the ground 😳

It's not the same as sitting and thinking after an exhibition though- or talking it through afterwards, this was a live dynamic social situation and you just left it, not the same as sitting and reflecting on something like art, museum pieces or the cinema- and even then you have to move with the overall conversation, not just keep going on that topic.

I do struggle with this myself, I hate it when I go to book club and they don't talk about the book, but I realise this is my problem!

Everybody is unique. We all have our own quirks, it makes life interesting.

I would say what is odd, and what might make others laugh, is using the terminology of saying you are taking time to reflect/for reflection. It’s not something you hear people say very often, and I think could sound like you have a sense of self importance - hence some of the earlier posters references to attention seeking. I might say I just needed a few minutes quiet, or some fresh air.

Maybe we shouldn’t have to, but I certainly use different language and vocabulary around some groups of people than others - a bit of “knowing your audience”

I have seen this referred to but never actually read it before. Thank you. I held it together until her last post where she admits to being escorted out by security when I may have done some wailing of my own.

Haha… don’t worry about it @Acapulco12 water off a ducks back 😊 not shallow, not thick and not one bit bothered about what a stranger on the internet thinks of me! My siblings and I would rib each other mercilessly over this, luckily none of us take ourselves too seriously (also none of us are pretentious enough to announce we were reflecting anyway 😂).

@DonnySue, have you considered enrolling in a college or university to study these topics? You would be surrounded with like-minded people with whom to have conversations as intense as you want, and when you emerge with a PGCert or whatever, your family will actually respect you for that.

Basically, most people do not value "cleverness". It seems to be a particularly British thing to take the piss out of well-read people, like we're all still at school and you are the class swot. I have some immensely nerdy interests that would cause serious piss-taking if I raised them in extended family situations. Fortunately I have academic colleagues who out-nerd me and I can get my fix of Hard Problems whenever I want, which leaves social gatherings free for lighter matters.

So at one level YWNBU, but in the practical reality of the banter-based world that we have to navigate, YWBUnrealistic.

I agree. Shameful comment from @Catpuss66 and spectacularly ironic!