AIBU to not agree to 50/50 custody?

For someone that says you have a great father and DH, you’re getting very aggressive. You have good relationships with them but adamant that men can’t be trusted with their kids….

If your DH had an affair and left you, are you saying you wouldn’t agree to shared care despite saying he’s great dad? If he is a good dad, you wouldn’t have a
problem with it surely?

No one said feckless fathers should get shared custody and I specifically said that.

Not at 9 months old no.
Increasing time with the other parent to achieve 50:50 is absolutely something that needs to revised occasionally but a 9 month olds best interests are served ultimately by spending more time with it's main carer.
I would find it cruel to inflict that on an infant this young.

All those saying that 50/50 is NEVER good for the child, regardless of age - what are you basing that on exactly? And what should be the alternative?

If you have two parents who are equally giving care, equally good parents, who get on and live close by and stick to a routine, what would be better than that for the child?? Living solely with mom and not getting a relationship with their dad whom they may absolutely adore? Or should people just not split up, not matter how nasty their living conditions may have been? Should you instead muddle through and demonstrate dysfunctional relationships to your child?

If a baby can only be cared for by it's mother how does that work with putting them into childcare? Just curious.

When you say main carer, you mean mother, don't you?

But why is the assumption the mother is primary carer?

As long as a child is loved and cared for attaché,ent needs can be met under any circumstance.

That's why children can be adopted by single parents and same sex parents.

The idea that only a mother will do went out ages ago.

"owed more"

I don't think it's a case of a parent being owed more or less. It's about the child and what is right for the child.

My DC were much older than yours when I separated from their dad, OP, so it's not really comparable. However, my solicitor advised me that if XH was in a position to provide 50% of the care, then a court would grant 50/50 and it was a waste of money fighting it unless I could prove abuse.

It is my understanding that 50/50 is the starting point for all negotiations.

9 months sounds very young to me for a 50/50 arrangement. However, it might be a good idea to look at the options for schedules. XH suggested week on/week off, which I felt was too much time apart and also a major headache in terms of wraparound care. DC were in upper stages of primary school at the time.

We settled on a 5-5-2-2 schedule, which (for us) means Mon & Tues night at one home, Weds & Thurs night at the other, and then alternate weekends (Fri, Sat & Sun night). There are apps and websites that let you look at possible schedules based on your % share of care.

I would probably be more open to week on/off now DC are both at secondary but, at the moment, everyone is happy with the current schedule. It's important to DC to feel that they get equal time with both parents. DC1 grumbles about XH a bit, but not enough to want to change the schedule.

But why is the assumption the mother is primary carer?

Err, because nature?!

The norm is Mum as primary carer, upto 12 months, then a build up. It's best practice to follow the baby's needs, which is to continue with the primary parent until there's a level of understanding that parents come back. Attachment needs to be built.

Why would you assume a 9-12 month old is not breastfed?

She said exclusively breastfed. Op’s child sill be eating food as well as milk

As is mine, but they still need their milk!

I don't think 5050 is good for children. DS is 3 and has been 5050 around a year. It is just so unsettling. But ex has "rights". Don't start it if you can help it, it's practically impossible to stop it and it's heartbreaking seeing it affect your child.

Fair to the parents isn't necessarily best for the child. I wish court's put children first.

He is the child father, and is entitled to make decisions about their life the same way you do. Why would you get to decide and he's just "stubborn"?

If you feel 50/50 isn't the best for your baby, why don't you leave him be the resident parent and you can see your little on on Mondays and Saturdays?