To feel desperately sorry for kids leaving state "care"?

My dd best friend was in care and transferred to a ymca when she was 16!. This was 20 years ago nearly. The place was awful. She was terrified. She was so vulnerable and confided in my dd, told her she had no choice but to return home to her abusive father. Better the devil you know she said. So she came to live with us. Her social worker did sort it so I could claim child benefit for her while she went to college but it was still a strain on us as a family. She stayed for two years then left for university. Came home to us for holidays but then settled in her university city when she was 20 with a bf.

We found our local ymca has a project called open doors. If you've got a spare room and think you can help guide and support a teen leaving care then there's a support package available through the ymca.

Our 8th teen left in the summer last year.

My dad was an adult mentor for kids leaving care.

He joint-authored a book about being in care with 2 of them, and was a witness in court for another when she had to sue her grandfather after he took all her parents money (they died in a car accident when she was about 16).

He was very involved in their lives, and met up with all of them many times for face to face conversations. He was in their lives for probably about 10 years.

Guess how many of them offered condolences when we reached out via email to let them know that he'd died unexpectedly?

None of them.

Make of that what you will. These were all adults in their late 20s, holding down professional graduate level jobs by this point.

As a family, we were quite upset by this. These people had been a huge part of my dads life for 10 years. He'd spoken of them often, and very fondly. And for his grieving widow to not even get a "sorry for your loss" was... difficult.

He went out of his way to support 3 very vulnerable young adults, just starting out on adult life, and was about to take on a fourth. But that apparently meant nothing to them.

E, E and S, if you're ever reading this. I'd love to know why.

And what relevance does your experience in the 80s have for kids now?

We DO NOT have council houses. We DO NOT have adequate benefits that even pay the rent. The experience of baby boomers just is not relevant because we do not live in the same country any more no matter if it is geographically or temporally continuous. Your generation has made life more and more shit - and shot, as my keyboard first wrote - for those behind. Every single boomer posting the “sorry” tale of their experiences needs to understand that before coming out with their lessons.

Like @Caspianberg i wasn’t much better off than a care leaver and I don’t think I would try now, it was hard enough back then.

I'm simply saying it's nothing new with the lack of support. There was no more support after I got the flat

Get off your high horse.

And there are council flats still going. I know of 3 people got one in the last year

Btw how the hell am I a baby boomer? That's my mums generation. I was born in the 70s

We have to remember too that a lot of care leavers are damaged in some way, whether it's birth defects or learning difficulties due to their parents drug/drink problems, or trauma. My youngest is barely getting through school, she is unlikely to go to college and would find it very hard to keep a job, despite our best efforts her focus, time keeping and self care skills are not that of a 'normal' teenager. She can only be supported by the system for so long, most girls in her position end up teen mothers with abusive boyfriends, which is what happened to both of her older sisters. It's very sad.