Four events this week at school during working hours…

They were never left uncollected from school when they were ill. Why would they be? DH is as capable as I am at answering the phone. Surely your DH can also answer the phone and collect your unwell children?

No one thinks that though. It would just be nice things could be thought through rather than ignoring parents 95% of the school year and then throwing up a dozen events over 1 week with 2 days notice.

A recent example at DDs school was last Thursday when we got an email “reminding” us that school was closed for Teacher training the next day. I went back and checked the school calendar, the term dates page on the website, previous emails they had sent and the parent mail message system and the “reminder” was the first time we’d been told. Apparently it had been mentioned to the kids in assembly the week before and they were supposed to pass along the message.

We frequently get told about theme dress up days with 3 days notice and there is always a week somewhere in the summer term where there will be a special assembly Monday, a showcase of work Tuesday, a summer fair Wednesday and Sportsday on Friday. We never know which week it will be till the week before and trying to organise 4 days where you can take time off work for a few hours each day is a logistical nightmare.

Being a mother is my life’s work, way better than any job, I’ve done the whole career thing prior to children- vastly overrated. I am so much happier now.

No concerns on that front thanks, my husband is a very loyal and generous man, been together for 20 years, he’s the best! Extremely hardworking teacher who provides so well for us and all the other families he helps on a daily basis, has completely secured our future. I has very high standards for they type of husband I wanted, reliability being top priority 👌🏻

@ThankYouNigel great that you had a choice to find out a career is over rated. Some of us re just trying to pay the bills. It's nothing to do with a career.

It does get slightly better overall when they go to secondary school (parents don't need to attend school plays / assemblies / sports days). Although I now have 3 children in 3 different schools so there is still a lot going on.

So far this term I've had year 7 meet the tutor, year 9 parents evening, skiing trip school meeting, meet the teacher year 4, PTA coffee morning (swerved that one), PTA quiz night (swerved that - there is a theme here), football tournament for DC2 (she needed collecting from venue after), DC1 chaperoning parents for open evening (had to meet him as it was a late finish) and then a late start for DC1 the next day, inset day for DC2, school photo for DC3 and then DC3 has a dress up day tomorrow. This doesn't include the x2 medical appointments for DC3 (one was a planned overnight admission) and all the regular hobbies and clubs.

It is still been relentless and now spread over 3 bloody schools. It will calm down (I hope!!)

As a highly organised person who likes plenty of notice, I agree that all of this sounds like a nightmare, and plenty of notice should be given. Nobody can escape it, mine get party invites with 4 days’ notice, so scrabbling about for cards & presents, etc is v annoying.

It is genuinely so lovely not to have to worry about this stuff generally though, or have to deal with the constant stress and clashes between school and employers, who I agree don’t really give a stuff about the multiple demands on parental time. This is why I opted out of all of it, no to an employer telling me I can’t attend something, no to the stress of reading another last minute email from the school. I decided to completely enjoy my children. I wish more Mums would choose to push back/could afford to push back and say enough!

I’m glad you’re happy, genuinely. But you seem to have mistaken my point for a criticism of motherhood, when it was actually a point about women being more than one role and the importance of choice. You’ve explained how wonderful your husband is, how well he provides and how carefully you chose him, which rather proves my point that a woman’s security can be heavily dependent on a man’s continued willingness and ability to provide. That’s not a criticism of your marriage, it’s simply a reality. Reliability is a great quality in a husband, but so is having the independence to stand on your own two feet if life doesn’t go to plan. You’re happy with your choices, and that’s great. I just don’t see why your personal fulfilment has to mean that a career is overrated for everyone else. What’s right for you doesn’t have to be right for all women.

DH is priority no 1 on our list as he works from home and they’ve never once rang me!

The majority of teachers cannot afford to support their family on one wage.

I disagree with this, because my DH does, on UPS1. He is a regular classroom teacher, in the class 5 days a week, not a member of SLT/out of class. I was also a UPS1 teacher before I quit, and we haven’t struggled. It is possible!

She said the majority.

People need to hear a full range of viewpoints, as on here the partyline is often that it’s unaffordable to have a SAHP, but I believe it is if you really are prepared to make changes, go without some things and scrutinise every single payment and see what you can reduce or get rid of entirely. We halved our household income pre-kids, I actually earned more, and it was doable.

Private school teachers get a lot more holiday and deal with a lot less shit. I'm not surprised they're more willing to give up weekends unpaid!

Again, she said the majority. Having only one parent who works, especially when that person is not earning a high income, is not something everyone can do, or wants to do, or chooses to do to their family.

I think I'm lucky as I could be a sahp if I wanted to, but I like working and setting that example for dd. I also just don't need to as I am able to work term time only and never really miss out on anything my dd is doing, I recognise that I am fortunate in the amount of time I get with my dd though. Many, many families do need both parents working nowadays, regardless of how many changes they'd be willing to make.

If you’re a SAHP, then surely you don’t need your child to go to nursery? Most people who use nurseries are those who work. Why would you plan things at short notice for parents to be there during nursery hours? I’m sure nursery teachers who are parents wouldn’t be able to get cover at short notice.

Parents can, and do, support their child’s learning. If they are at school I would expect the teacher to be supporting the learning, isn’t that what teachers are supposed to do? Parents then teach their child all the other skills and help with homework, teach them to read and spell, maths, science, etc. when not at school.

Our nursery planned things in advance so people can arrange time off. Our school also does that and makes it clear that attendance is not mandatory. I’ve been to a few of these things and so has my husband as we have been given fair warning. The children who have not had their parents there get special attention from teachers and other parents. They have never cried or looked upset. The only ones who have cried are those whose parents have been there and didn’t want them to leave!!

The OP is not challenging parents events, just the organisation and notification of those events.

Our school loves doing this. I don't like it and I usually have the luxury of going. There are miserable faces on some of the children whose parents can't make it and sometimes tears. I feel guilty being there and them having no-one, it is so unnecessary. The staff being all happy and smiley for the parents and kids that get to experience the opportunity feels mean. And then the big fuck you to the parents that couldn't make it with the gushy post with photos about it on social media/in the newsletter.

This discussion is about school, not nursery events.

I was a Reception teacher for 10 years. After every assembly I led/Christmas play I directed where nobody showed up, both myself and my TA had children holding our hands sobbing, and the odd child who was very angry, that nobody bothered to turn up, and rightly so. I know what I experienced and saw thank you very much!

You shouldn’t feel guilty for bothering to turn up for your child, you are doing the right thing.

I like setting an example to my daughter that being her mother is brilliant, she loves that I don’t work and have plenty of time to spend with her.

We also feel lucky. One of us could have given up work and the other supporting, but we both wanted to carry on working. If our child needed extra support due to disabilities then we would have been fortunate enough to be able to deal with that as sadly not many people do have that choice. I think it’s all down to the family and what works for you and your loved ones. It’s worked out brilliantly for us. It’s a very individual choice.

We learnt after DC1 to put DH's number next to my name and my number next to his. I worked somewhere you had to hand your phone into security and collect it at the end of the day - the number of messages I had asking me to call them back that I didn't get until after 4!

Err parents that need to work to put food on the table aren't doing the wrong thing mate.
I think the school putting families in this position are, if anything.
I am VERY lucky to be in the position that I am in. Not morally superior.

Find a job that fits better around the kids they chose to have, go without some stuff. Parents have always known they will be invited in, this is nothing new, and beyond entitled if they think that should stop for other children and families!

Children also have rights, rights to learn how to speak publicly and to perform to an audience, rights to share their achievements and feel validated by their nearest and dearest. This helps develop their self esteem and confidence.

How old are your kids @ThankYouNigel ? Have you reached the university/house buying stage yet?