Starting preschool or nursery

Starting preschool can be an emotional time for both your child and you
There are things you can do to help them prepare and settle in
Find tips and advice from real Mumsnet users who have been there, done that

As parents, the decision to send your child to preschool is one of the first, big milestones. It marks the beginning of their educational journey and sets the foundation for their future learning experiences. Choosing the right preschool for your little one involves many factors, like location, curriculum, and even teaching approach.

So, understandably, it's normal to have questions and concerns. But our guide aims to provide you with everything you need to make this transition smoother for you and your DC.

As you prepare for this next chapter, you're probably wondering when do kids go back to school in your area. To discover term times near you, you can check out our full guide to school term dates and holidays here. While preparing, remember that some preschools have a uniform. To help you prepare with that, keep an eye out for school uniform sales, during which you can find affordable options for your preschooler's new wardrobe.

How can I prepare my child for starting preschool?

Preparing your child for starting preschool is helpful in ensuring a smooth transition for all of you.

Begin by talking to them about what to expect, such as making new friends, learning new things, and having fun. You can also introduce activities that promote independence, like getting dressed on their own or following simple instructions. Meanwhile, encouraging social interactions through playdates or group activities can help build their social skills and confidence. And finally, establishing a consistent routine at home can help them to adjust to the structure of a school day.

That's not all - many preschools invite parents to stay for a while during the day in the early days, so be sure to speak with the preschool teacher and work out a plan that works for you, your child, and the preschool. Afterall, it can be helpful to visit the new school together before their first day, playing on the playground and exploring the classroom. This way, school will be a familiar place for them when they start on day one.

Starting preschool or nursery, a guide for parents

By taking these steps, you can help your child feel more prepared and excited for their preschool journey. We delve into each suggestion further below.

1. Visit the nursery or playgroup

Make sure you and your child visit together. It's a good time to sell the joys of preschool, showing your preschooler the activities that you know they'll be interested in, and talking about the other children to play with.

But never oversell change to children. Tell them that although you hope they'll have so much fun that they'll never feel sad, if some kid steals their comfort toy or doesn't share, they can and should tell a grown-up.

My DD started school nursery last year. She had a home visit and a stay and play session with us there before starting. This definitely helped,

BendingSpoons

2. Preschool routine: naps and rest time

Staff at your chosen nursery or playgroup should explain their processes, staff-to-child ratio, and routine.

If possible, make a copy and talk your child through the routine so they know what to expect (messy play, story time, snack time). Most full-time nurseries have a rest time and you should discuss this with your child – by three, some children won't nap during the day. Find out how they serve lunch and the sort of food your child is likely to be given.

Good preschools get you to fill out a questionnaire that tells them a lot about your child. Staff are similar to your child in not liking surprises and they'd rather know if your child throws up after eating broccoli or is terrified of dogs.

3. Establish a goodbye routine

A consistent and comforting farewell ritual, such as a special hug or a secret handshake, can reassure your child that you will return to pick them up and provide a sense of familiarity. Communicate with the staff about this routine so they can support it too. This simple practice can make transitions smoother for both you and your child.

As you prepare your child for starting preschool, remember to discuss the daily routine with them. Familiarising them with activities like messy play, story time, and snack time can build excitement and reduce any apprehension they may have.

4. Pretend play and reading books

Through pretend play and reading books, you can help your child learn more about preschool, which helps them become familiar with the idea of starting preschool overall.

Encouraging imaginative play scenarios related to school and reading storybooks that depict positive experiences when starting preschool can help hugely. They can help you to both build anticipation and excitement for this new journey.

5. Acknowledge and address common preschool fears

Some common fears include separation from parents, making new friends, and adjusting to a new routine. It's crucial to validate your child's emotions and offer reassurance that it's normal to feel scared or nervous.

Encouraging open communication will help them express their concerns and work through them together. Creating a sense of security by establishing familiar routines and spending quality time together can also help alleviate these fears.

Remember, every child may have different worries, so being attentive and empathetic is key in supporting them.

Does my child need to be potty trained?

Your preschool will want to know how toilet trained your child is. Being potty trained is a must for some settings that only take children aged over three, but no one expects small children to be fully accomplished at going to the toilet by themselves.

Worked in childcare over 20 years and have never heard of a child being held back due to toilet training.

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Some children are uninterested in using the potty until they attend nursery or preschool and see other children doing it. If your child is already toilet trained, don't make them wrestle with zips and buttons but dress them in trousers or skirts with elastic waists (they can get over such fashion crimes later).

Even with these precautions, some children do only want to 'go' on their home toilet, so it's wise to take in a change of underwear and clothes just in case.

What about discipline?

Approaches to challenging behaviour will different between preschool settings.

However most, if not all, will likely adopt a problem solving approach to behaviour rather than disciplinary. This will most likely ensure a calm, caring environment where children are treated with respect and all communication is guiding and supportive, not directive or controlling.

To get a better idea of how your chosen setting handles challenging behaviour, request to see their discipline policies prior to your child starting.

What about dressing themselves?

Most preschools don't expect small children to have many life skills. While you don't have to worry about your child eating, undressing or putting on shoes - because that's what preschool staff are used to helping with - you could help them socially. Inviting other children round and encouraging them to chat (sort of) and take turns is helpful.

Outside preschool, try to expand the range of your child's activities. For example, libraries often have storytelling sessions – these will help your child get used to sitting and listening in a group of other children. You could even teach your child some songs and games from your childhood.

How can I help my child settle at preschool?

You should leave enough time to settle your child in every morning, especially early on. Avoid rushing, as this might encourage them to cling onto you. Never sneak off – always say goodbye clearly or your toddler will never know who is going to disappear, when. Good preschool staff will open the door and greet your child by name, with a smile, to reduce the risk that you lose your nerve and take your child home again.

She will probably love preschool once she has settled in and got to know some of the teachers/nursery workers. It is incredibly valuable for children's social development.

SoftSheen

It's a good idea to establish a goodbye routine, such as saying goodbye in a special place or doing an activity before you leave, so that your preschooler knows you will be back at the end of the day. This will help them settle in and feel more comfortable.

The good news is, almost all children at some point will be upset when you leave them. Preschools expect this and most encourage you to stay on or near the premises when your child first starts.

How to handle tears

If your child is upset when you leave, staff are usually happy to distract them. Most likely, your child will have stopped sobbing by the time you've reached the end of the path.

Many preschools encourage parents to phone later to check and will call you if your child does not settle within a reasonable time. Letting them take in their favourite comforter can also help, as staff will safely stash it in their bag once it's no longer needed.

Is there anything preschool staff need to know?

Make sure you tell nursery staff if there's anything your preschooler might be worried about at home – even the goldfish dying can upset a small person.

Listen to your child's worries

While your preschooler might not be able to put their worries into words as eloquently as you, addressing their concerns in a safe space will encourage open communication in the long run. Ask them to express their feelings, and listen attentively without judgement. Pay close attention to nonverbal cues like fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, or changes in body languages, as these can reveal unspoken anxieties.

Validate their emotions and offer reassurance, but avoid dismissing their concerns. By being observant and responsive to both verbal and nonverbal signals, you can better understand and address your child's fears, helping them feel more secure about their preschool experience.

What to expect from preschool

UK preschools focus on early learning through play-based activities, helping children develop social skills, basic numeracy, and literacy. Most follow the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) framework, which sets standards for learning and development, and all emphases creating a safe, nurturing environment where children can explore, make friends, and prepare for the transition to reception.

Parents' evenings

Most preschools have parents' evenings so you can see what your preschooler has been doing – usually fingerprints with paint or, in some more upmarket nurseries, extraordinary feats of artistic genius that almost certainly required several hours of adult 'encouragement'.

I do think it's a good opportunity to get feedback about your child's development.

helloimnew123

Joking aside, parents' evening at your child's preschool will typically occur once or twice a year. These events provide an opportunity for parents to:

Meet with their child's key worker or teacher
Discuss their child's progress and development
View examples of their child's work or activities
Learn about their child's social interactions and behavior
Ask questions or voice any concerns
Understand how they can support their child's learning at home

These meetings are usually brief, lasting about 10 to 15 minutes per family. They help foster communication between parents and staff, ensuring everyone is working together to support the child's early education and development.

Key workers

Each child has a key worker who will write down observations about your child that you can read. It is this person who you will most likely have the most contact with during your child's time at preschool.

If you're worried your child isn't settling or have any other concerns, you should speak to your child's key worker and try to find out the cause, as well as gently quizzing your child.

Going home time

When you or your child's carer meets your child after preschool, do it properly (ie not while you're speaking to someone on your mobile). Your child needs undivided attention and cuddles for a moment – at least until you can get home and put on Bluey.

How can I help my child make friends?

Some preschoolers find it easy to make friends – they're naturally outgoing. Others will struggle in the playground (if your nursery is lucky enough to have one) and hang around the edges.

Preschool staff are good at spotting this and often encourage older children to take the younger ones under their wing. They will also encourage group games.

Once term has started, you can launch your child's playdate career and invite one of his or her friends over. If your child is tired after preschool, you may want to wait a while. One friend round every couple of weeks is probably enough for both of you.

Encourage your child to talk about who they play with and what they do, but don't grill them. You're probably more anxious than they are and you don't want them to get concerned about their popularity. Plenty of time for that.

Coping with your own feelings

It's a landmark moment when you first leave your toddler and as soon as they say goodbye, many parents wonder what on earth they're doing. This is normal. Do not, however, cry audibly and cling to your child as this would do nobody any good.

However desolate you feel, you must look cheerful and be supportive as your child hangs up their coat on the little coat peg under their name – sometimes, parenting is all about letting go before you really want to.

Maintaining consistency at home

By creating a consistent routine at home, you can help your toddler feel secure and prepared starting preschool. Here are a few things you can do to help with this:

Establish a routine with a consistent schedule for mornings, evenings, and weekends
Communicate with their key worker or teacher to stay informed about activities and themes to reinforce at home
Use similar rules and expectations by aligning your home rules with preschools when appropriate
Encourage independence and allow your child to practice self-help skills they learn at preschool
Maintain familiar rituals and keep important family traditions and routines intact
Set up an area at home for learning and play, similar to their preschool environment
Use consistent language by adopting similar phrases or instructions used at preschool
Reinforce sharing, turn-taking, and other social behaviours learned
Talk about preschool experiences and their day to bridge the gap between preschool and home
And finally, be patient - understand that your child may need time to adjust to a new routine

Join the conversation

Start a new discussion and get support from the Mumsnet community

Can I use other childcare alongside preschool?

Certainly! Many parents opt to use additional childcare services while their toddler is in preschool for various reasons. Things like breakfast and afternoon clubs, childminders, and playgroups can all provide extra support for your child. Whether that's during pick-up and drop-off times, to accommodate work schedules, or offer enrichment activities outside of school hours.

Just ensure that any additional childcare aligns with your toddler's needs and routines to maintain consistency and aid in their starting preschool readiness. Communication between all caregivers involved is key to ensure a smooth transition and seamless coordination.

About the author

Rebecca Roberts is a writer, editor, and content marketing expert hailing from Leeds. Here at Mumsnet, she commissions, writes, and edits to bring parents content designed to make life easier. With her eldest DC starting school this September, she’s personally trying to navigate back-to-school shopping and is on a quest to find the best, most affordable school uniform and school essentials for kids.

Beyond her role as an editor here at Mumsnet, Rebecca can be found balancing life as a working mum of two toddlers and when she’s not at her desk, you’ll likely find her at a local playgroup, in a nearby coffee shop, or walking the dog up and down country lanes.