How to care for elderly parents and their health when you don’t live near

Managing a loved one’s health can be so tricky, especially when it's a parent. Between the logistics of their medication and appointments, coupled with the pain of watching someone you love become increasingly dependent, it’s a heavy mental load to carry.

Many can feel pulled in every direction, especially when they’re also managing a busy work schedule and the demands of parenting young children.

According to Age UK, 3.3 million adults aged 40 to 60 in the UK are currently caring for or supporting at least one older parent, and 6.6 million people aged 40 to 60 who are considering caring for or supporting an older parent in the future, fear that they wouldn’t know how to support them.

Research has also shown that the burden of care often falls on women, with a 2025 government survey finding there were 3.3 million females as informal carers, versus 2.1 million males.

The challenges of parental care is a common topic amongst our Mumsnet community. 

"Feeling so resentful," StLevanBlackcaps said in a Mumsnet thread. "How do you cope with looking after elderly parents and have your own life?"

"Sometimes I feel like I'm going mad," Randomuser9876 wrote in another thread. "My friends all have younger parents and [are] not at this stage yet. How do you manage your mental health while dealing with this stress? They could be here another 10 years + and I'm not sure what will be left of me."

So, what’s the best way to navigate the challenges and lighten the load?

The pressures of remote caregiving

Caring for a loved one from a distance can be an incredibly demanding and emotional challenge. On top of managing your own busy life and responsibilities, you're tasked with staying on top of someone else's needs, often without the ability to be there in person to offer a comforting hug, administer medication, check on their living conditions, or ensure they’re taking proper care of themselves.

People who are looking after aging parents while also raising young children are often known as the ‘sandwich generation’. Usually in their thirties or forties, they’re juggling care for both generations, and often alongside full or part-time work.

The Office of National Statistics (ONS) reported there were roughly 1.4 million sandwich carers aged 16 to 64 years in the UK between the years of 2021 and 2023, based on findings from the Understanding Society study.

And a new study by UCL researchers found that being a sandwich carer caused a marked deterioration in both a person's mental and physical health over the years. 

The emotional toll of seeing a parent who once cared for you now depending on your support can be deeply heartbreaking. Coupled with a busy life, it’s natural to experience feelings of guilt, and wondering if you’re doing enough. Caring for aging parents can also cause financial challenges, especially if you need to reduce work hours or adjust your schedule. You might worry about neglecting your own children or straining your marriage. And this constant balancing act only adds to the mental load you already carry.

How can you lighten the load?

1. Ask for help

A problem shared is a problem halved, so reach out and make sure you’re not doing everything alone. If loneliness is an issue for your parents, it might be worth seeing if there are community activities for the elderly. 

Age UK is a fantastic resource to lean on. If there’s distance between you and a parent, try reaching out to their neighbours to establish a relationship. Having someone who could check in on your parents quickly could offer you peace of mind and save you a panicked drive that ends up over nothing.

2. Use tech to manage your schedule

Technology offers countless ways to simplify life, especially when it comes to caring for parents from a distance. 

A shared calendar is a great tool for dividing up the caregiving responsibilities among siblings, family members, and friends. It allows you to keep track of a parent’s medications, appointments, and social engagements. And by organising tasks this way, it becomes easier to divide the responsibilities and share the load more efficiently.

3. Consider cameras or voice control

If your parents are fragile or unsteady on their feet, you might want to consider an indoor video system. In a recent thread, Thearex recommended the EZVIZ camera system, while Pokebowl said the Netvue was great as you didn't need to subscribe to access a live stream. 

For a little more privacy, you can get them an Echo Dot or smart home system, and use voice recognition to communicate with them immediately. 

An Apple Watch also has a feature which sends instant alerts if they have a fall.

4. Explore financial support

Carer's Allowance is a payment of £69.70 that you can spend on whatever you like. You may be eligible if you care for someone at least 35 hours a week and earn less than £132 a week. It could be money you put in savings or a treat for yourself.

5. Set boundaries

Your parents may prefer your care over a professionals’ or another member of the family, but you have a life too and your mental and physical health is important. Make it clear how much time you can give to them, set firm rules, and if they require more from you, explore other care options.

How can you make medication management easier?

Managing medication for older parents can be challenging, especially if they are stubborn, forgetful, or easily distracted.

PillTime offers a simpler way to stay on top of your daily medications. Rather than fussing with bottles or packets, the medications come pre-sorted in easy-to-open pouches that fit right in your pocket, so you can take them on the move. They're labelled with the list of medications and when to take them, and the pouches get delivered to your door. 

It can give family peace of mind, and let older parents maintain a sense of independence in their lives. PillTime is also an NHS pharmacy, and the service is free for any NHS patients who take four or more repeat medications. Plus, non-pouchable items, like inhalers or creams, can also be added into the order.

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The app also provides carers with peace of mind by allowing them to manage medication orders, track deliveries and communicate directly with a parent’s GP to ensure timely prescription approvals.

PillTime’s premium service costs from £6.25 per month and covers medication management for you and up to two loved ones. Premium members also benefit from exclusive discounts through PilltTime partners, including TakingCare Personal Alarms, Lottie, Parsley Box and Outside Clinic 

You can also benefit from a personal onboarding call, and medication will be sent via Royal Mail on 24hr delivery service. 

How to recognise and manage caregiver burnout

If caregiving becomes overwhelming, you may begin to experience symptoms of burnout, such as difficulty sleeping, feelings of low mood and isolation, and increased stress and anxiety about the future.

Remember that it’s okay to ask for help. Taking care of your mental and physical wellbeing is important.

Age UK suggests scheduling a carer’s assessment with your local council to better understand your needs and explore available support options. They may recommend respite care, local support groups, or provide access to equipment that could make daily caregiving tasks easier and improve your loved one’s quality of life.

Exploring local communities can not only create a network of support but it can help you and your parents to feel less alone, and form meaningful connections. 

Don’t hesitate to carve out time just for yourself. Whether it’s enjoying a favorite hobby or trying something new, you deserve that mental break.

How can you talk to elderly parents about health and medication

It may be hard to broach the subject of health and medication with an older parent. They may be reluctant to realise the severity of their condition, or may not want to feel fussed over. 

Age UK suggests having a calm, honest conversation to share your concerns. Avoid trying to ‘fix’ everything or push your opinions, and instead, give your parents the space to share their own thoughts and feelings. 

But remember, if they’re able to make their own decisions, you can’t make choices for them.

Where to find support

Caregiving can feel like a thankless and lonely task, but there is plenty of support. 

• Age UK is a fantastic resource for the elderly and caregivers

• Carers UK is a UK charity dedicated to supporting unpaid carers, so those who take care of family and friends

• Carents is a one-stop shop for looking after elderly parents

• PillTime medication management and pouching services make it easier for carers to help their loved ones with their medication

About PillTime

PillTime is an NHS-registered pharmacy that aims to simplify medication management for both patients and carers by delivering pre-sorted daily doses. They come in easy-to-open pouches and are clearly labelled with the contents and the time to be taken.

Non-pouchable medications? No problem! We pack creams, inhalers, dressings, and "as needed" medications in their original packaging. All your medications, including non-pouchable ones, are delivered in one box.

The service is free for NHS patients who take four or more repeat medications, and there is an affordable premium service option which offers 24-hour tracked delivery and onboarding call.

About the author

Kat Romero is a writer and journalist with over a decade’s experience in the industry. As a working mum of a toddler, she knows all too well the struggle to balance everything and the emotional and financial strain parenthood can have on families. Away from her desk, Kat can be found consuming far too much coffee and spending her weekends with her toddler and partner - soaking up the sights of London and sampling anything new and exciting that has opened up within walking distance. Her favourite activity to do with her son is to visit London’s incredible museums and immerse themselves in new exhibits or installations.