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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

my 16 yr old ds is having sex with his 15 yr old gfriend.

161 replies

maltesers · 08/02/2005 13:00

do you mums think it is wrong that my ds of 16, 17 in april is having sex with his 15 yr old girlfriend? Know she is underage, but guess it doesnt matter what i say if theyre going to do it they will. she is on the pill and he is using comdoms. feel he could have waited another year especially as she is only 15, but her mum is all ok it seems bout it. she picks her dd up from our house at least three times a week. cant always stay in to make sure their feet are on the floor.

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open · 08/02/2005 13:02

Yes, I think it's wrong. It's also illegal.

Socci · 08/02/2005 13:07

Message withdrawn

Socci · 08/02/2005 13:08

Message withdrawn

franch · 08/02/2005 13:09

What a difficult situation maltesers. I have no advice but think it's a VERY good sign that your DS feels able to be honest with you about this

PinkWebby · 08/02/2005 13:10

I have to admit, I dont think it is right either, she is still a child. I would not approve if my daughter was that age. I dont care what day and age we are in it is not right.

charlie01 · 08/02/2005 13:12

I agree with Franch, the fact that he has told you and you know that they are using contraception means you should be proud - you have obviously done a good job. I dont think you can do anything, I think it's more important that he knows he can talk to you about it, at least they are being mature and responsible about it.

WideWebWitch · 08/02/2005 13:13

If her mum knows about it and they're using contraception, I really wouldn't worry abut it. Telling teenagers NOT to have sex once they are already having sex doesn't work imo (and IME)! So no, I don't think it's wrong, not at all and I don't think there's much you could do abotu it even if you did think it was wrong. I think the law is wrong on the age of consent tbh.

WideWebWitch · 08/02/2005 13:14

Yes, agree, both mothers should be pleased their teenagers are being open about this.

PinkWebby · 08/02/2005 13:16

Being open has nothing to do with it, she is a child. It is illegal. Her parents obviously do not seem to have a, control or b, respect for her childhood.

Cam · 08/02/2005 13:16

I think its pretty much normal behaviour on the part of the 2 teenagers, what is extraordinary are the facts that they are using contraception, and disease protection and that the parents involved are being extremely understanding.

franch · 08/02/2005 13:18

open/PinkWebby - so what are the parents supposed to DO about it??

Furball · 08/02/2005 13:19

If you look at This thread it is not that uncommon. I know it's a bit different it being us, not your child. But at least they are being responsible about it.

Socci · 08/02/2005 13:20

Message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 08/02/2005 13:20

Yes pinkwebby, let's have your suggestions then.

PinkWebby · 08/02/2005 13:21

My parents gave me values and reponsibility for myself, I did not jump into bed at 15 because a, it was not accepted, and b, I was taught that it should be special,

I am only 28 years old it was not years ago, I lost my virginity at 17 to a boy I had been with for a long time, and I myself choose that it was time. At that point I was old enough to decide, there was no peer pressure.

It all has to do with the way you are brought up and respected. For these two it is to late now for the parents to say anything but okay.

NameChangingMancMidlander · 08/02/2005 13:22

I agree that it is great that your son can come to you and openly discuss these things, you obv did something right! .

Yes, we all know that sex under the age of 16 is illegal, but I happen to think that the prospect of a 16 year old boy having sex with his 15 year old girlfriend is pretty much the norm. So long as they are being sensible, responsible and taking precautions I don't that there is a great deal that you can do, as a parent or bystander.

I'm not remotely shocked or particularly disapproving of this. After all I was doing exactly the same thing at their age.

WideWebWitch · 08/02/2005 13:22

I disagree pinkwebby, well brought up and not so well brought up teenagers under 16 have been having sex for years!

NotQuiteCockney · 08/02/2005 13:22

I think it's really good that they can be honest with you, and they're using contraception. If I'd had such a good relationship with my parents, my teens would have been a much easier time for everyone involved!

And I agree with franch, what are the parents supposed to do? Lock them up? Trust me, even with both sets of parents organised and dedicated, it's not possible to stop this sort of thing - I know, I've been on the other side of it.

open · 08/02/2005 13:23

Like it or not, it is illegal. Isn't he committing statutory rape? What if they break up and she then cries rape? What if she does get pregnant, despite all the precautions?

You probably couldn't stop them, but you could make it clear that it wasn't acceptable to you and you don't leave them alone in your house.

PinkWebby · 08/02/2005 13:23

May be but it doesnt me I have to approve.

Poshpaws · 08/02/2005 13:23

Hmm, nothing to do with desire and WANTING to sleep with you boyfriend then?

She IS sleeping with her boyfriend, someone she knows and trusts (I assume) and has made the choice herself to go on the Pill(again, I presume). I think they are being extremely sensible.

boudicca · 08/02/2005 13:24

as the mother of a 15 yr old dD, whilst not being at all pleased that she was having sex, I'd be grateful she felt secure enough to tell me.

Beetroot · 08/02/2005 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney · 08/02/2005 13:24

Wait, so that means that my decision to have sex with my boyfriend when I was 15 wasn't special and I didn't have respect for myself? And I did it because of peer pressure?

News to me.

WideWebWitch · 08/02/2005 13:24

Open, so would it be better if they went off and had sex in a park? A bus shelter/some other place? Because that's all that would happen imo: they wouldn't stop, they'd just find somewhere less safe to do it.

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