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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is it normal for teen to want to do nothing all day?

92 replies

JudesBiggestFan · 26/07/2021 16:38

I'm finding it so frustrating! It's the summer holidays and my nearly 13 year old son just wants to lie on his bed all day reading his phone. Only emerges to eat and grunt replies to my questions.
I've booked him on cricket camps for nine days and we have family plans, but feel like he should be off out/organising stuff at this age...it just ends in a row every time I suggest it though! He has two younger brothers but isn't interested in doing anything with them either.
The only thing he liked is playing cricket or watching sport! It was actually easier when I worked out of home and he went to childcare for the day...this feels like a really weird, in between stage. Should I worry?!

OP posts:
ssd · 26/07/2021 16:39

No.
Get used to it.

BuckyBarnesArm · 26/07/2021 16:41

13 yo ds here doing exactly the same thing. Exactly. Interspersed with screaming on his xbox.

BuckyBarnesArm · 26/07/2021 16:42

And no, don't worry. Just keep providing occasional offers of stuff to do but expect 99% of them to be refused.

RyanAirVeteran · 26/07/2021 16:47

My twenty year old is the same, granted he has a full time job now, but time not spent on his phone or on the xbox is time wasted it would appear. Grin

Miniestelle · 26/07/2021 16:53

My dd is the same. I worried if she was lonely but she does have mates that live about 5 mins away but they all seem to prefer to talk to each other on their phones. She is on her ps4 constantly and occasionally shrieks and laughs hysterically Confused she seems very happy with herself though. I'm just letting er get on with it. I did spend about two hours on Saturday trying to arrange some trips we can do and I might as well have been asking her to shovel shit with the response I got from her.

Imapotato · 26/07/2021 17:04

A lot of 12/13 year olds are the same. They’re too old for organised little kids stuff, but not great at making independent plans yet. As long as he’s happy enough then I’d leave him to it.

Original poster
JudesBiggestFan · 26/07/2021 17:04

Ok...we'll I think that helps! I just worry what all this time on devices does to them! He's my eldest so not been through this stage before...not sure whether to push it just leave him be.

OP posts:
ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 26/07/2021 17:07

My 16 yo ds is the same. Will hide in his cave for hours on end.

On holiday, he deigned to come out for some activities and then retreated back into his cave.

I hope by the time he's 20, he will want to participate in the outdoor world some more.

1starwars2 · 26/07/2021 17:12

I think it's normal, however I think I would encourage him to see friends.
I do some secret organising for my teens with friends' parents and then tell them A wants to go swimming tomorrow, how about going with him? Etc.
They still have a choice but they don't have to do all the organising.

Nicnic91 · 26/07/2021 17:13

Totally normal!

HangingBasketFuchsia · 26/07/2021 17:14

I struggle with this.

StevieNix · 26/07/2021 17:15

Normal
I was the same as a teen, it’s nice that he has a holiday and the cricket camp to look forward too so he’s not wasting the whole summer but apart from that I would honestly just let him do his thing.
If you want to do things like days out etc you could suggest it but it’s normal if he would rather do nothing unfortunately!

Bagelsandbrie · 26/07/2021 17:15

I’m impressed you managed to get him to agree to 9 days of cricket club to be honest!

My two never want to leave the house!

NeedNewKnees · 26/07/2021 17:16

We turned the WiFi off for 3 hours a day during the summer holidays for a couple of years just so we knew they’d see daylight and eat

WeAllHaveWings · 26/07/2021 17:18

Fairly normal but not entirely desirable. Does he have local friends who are also at a loose end they can go out together, even if it is just a walk into town for some lunch, or a walk in park/rural, bus to beach etc?

MaMelon · 26/07/2021 17:20

Normal - and bloody annoying.

I'm currently battling with my truculent 14 year old who was told to load the dishwasher hours ago. I'm not giving in, he's complaining bitterly about the dishes being 'minging' and is currently testing every little bit of patience I have. He just wants to sit on his backside in front of a screen - although he's happy to go on if someone calls for him. Don't ask him to arrange anything with his friends, that's far too much effort.

My elder 2 were the same. They're 22 and 24 now, both holding down responsible jobs and actually very nice people. They do come through it!

Silkiecats · 26/07/2021 17:22

My 14 year old DS seems to want to do nothing apart from on holidays where he suddenly becomes very active and starts climbing rocks, ziplining, swimming, gorging, canoeing etc but the 2 weeks of activity clearly exhaust him for the other 50 when even moving from the sofa becomes a challenge. His finger gets exercised on the ipad and tv remote and he feeds the chickens and the rabbits but that is it, won't even keep in touch with others.

DD, 15, is more active and goes running or an hour walk each day, meets up with friends, skateboards etc, chats to friends on phone a lot. Does a few clubs when they operate. She also does activities on holiday though less than DS.

IHateFlies · 26/07/2021 17:24

It’s normal that that is all they want to do. I don’t think it’s healthy for them and there’s weeks of holidays still left.
I’ve done a deal with mine. They do a couple of chores a day and cook one meal a week. I’ll give them the money but they need to decide and shop for the ingredients too.
They also have dinner with us every day, watch a couple of films a week with us and do an evening family walk during the week and one on the weekend.
They’re free to spend the rest of the time how they want.
I’m trying to encourage them to go out with their friends but they all prefer to stay in on their gadgets Confused

Comedycook · 26/07/2021 17:28

My ds is 13 and the same. I'm stressed and worried. He literally wants to stare at his phone and play Xbox all day. I'm pretty easy going about screen time but cannot bear the thought of this for six weeks. He is sporty but refuses to go to clubs.

throttlebottom · 26/07/2021 17:31

Equally frustrated here. Have just confiscated all the devices...

Silkiecats · 26/07/2021 17:34

I'm quite worried about DS, he's always been like this since secondary but got so much worse with lockdown and he's ASD which makes things harder. Trouble is as we moved areas I don't know the other kids parents and DS says he sees children at school so why would he want to see them after as well when he has pets? Then he'll say he's obeying lockdown rules better than 99.9% of the population which is very true.

We do keep suggesting activities with us - on Friday got him to funfair which was too noisy for him so he just got a hot dog and doughnuts and went back. A few weeks ago we got him canoeing and a few weeks before that we got him to a safari park. He's done hairdressers twice and one trip to shop by himself but its incredibly limited and he's barely communicating.

Silkiecats · 26/07/2021 17:37

My DS does it even if his ipad is broken he just lies on the sofa with his indoor rabbit snuggled up and both stretched out, two lazy boys together.

Ouch44 · 26/07/2021 17:43

My two: Almost 13 and 15 are exactly the same. We are on holiday in Uk this week. Yesterday we went on a walk and today they went to high rope course. Most they've been out the house for months! They have been on there phones for the rest of today though.

DS got a sticker at the high ropes course. It says "I left the house today"!! Made me laugh so much. So apt!

HangingBasketFuchsia · 26/07/2021 17:46

They know their target market!,😂

Moonface123 · 26/07/2021 17:51

I wouldn't over worry. I think it's really important for teenagers to have their own down time, as school etc is incredibly structured. I used to stress over my two at this age, but things have turned around now, as they tend to for most.
The best thing l learnt was to allow them to do stuff they enjoy, rather than what l thought they should be doing. Mine are both older teenagers now and fit, healthy and active, but they were very sloth like at 13/14.