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Definitions please- "Cocklodger"

(22 Posts)
purplepeony Sat 26-Sep-09 12:18:14

Never ever heard this before MNs- what is it? Not very complimentary though by the sounds of it.

whomovedmychocolate Sat 26-Sep-09 12:20:26


A male who lives with his girlfriend without paying rent.
Rent and bills are paid by the girlfriend, the cocklodger relies on the fact that the couple are shagging to continue his residency.
Yeah, that guy Jim doesn't pay Rebecca rent to live in her flat, he's a cocklodger.

RealityIsAnAuntie Sat 26-Sep-09 12:20:42

Message withdrawn

purplepeony Sat 26-Sep-09 12:44:11

Ah..get it now. Thanks.

mummee09verity Sun 27-Sep-09 11:03:47

hahaha what a great word; i know one or two of them..... x

Servalan Sun 27-Sep-09 11:06:15

Thanks for asking that purplepeony. I've been wondering myself for ages but never thought to ask grin

skihorse Sun 27-Sep-09 12:51:45

What a distasteful word.

Is there a similar word used for SAHM for example? Or women who stop working once they get pregnant? Or women who don't work full stop?

HecatesTwopenceworth Sun 27-Sep-09 12:54:11

No. There isn't. But a sahm contributes. Housework. childcare. There's more to contributing to a partnership than bringing in the money.

A 'cocklodger' brings in no money. does no housework. does no childcare. gives no support.

In short, is a total freeloader.

A SAHM is not a freeloader, but is a 50% contributer to the running of a household.

You cannot compare the two.

skihorse Sun 27-Sep-09 16:31:48

Hecates My point exactly! My partner does not work and I findthis horrible name very offensive because he does contribute so much more than money.

Heavens would come crashing down if we called a SAHM a gold-digger - but apparently it's OK to use a derogatory term for a man.

That is not feminism at its best.

colditz Sun 27-Sep-09 16:33:36

if he contributes, he's not a cock lodger, is he!

skihorse Sun 27-Sep-09 16:39:03

It's implied.

A very old-fashioned (and widely-held) view that the man must provide financially - else he's just there with his cock. Of course you'll all deny feeling that way now... but deep down you'll believe it and if your friend turns around tomorrow and tells you she's letting her unemployed bf move in you'll think it.

ABetaDad Sun 27-Sep-09 16:54:30

sikhorse - you make a fair point. There are women I now who frankly have a nanny, cleaner, do not work, spend all day at the gym/restaurant/cafe/shopping and contribute nothing although are nominally SAHMs. The DH is typically a banker or other high paid executive working long hours. Me and DW usually call them 'trophy wives' or 'ladies of leisure'. There are men who live of women in the same way though less common.

The old fashioned name for this was 'kept woman' or 'kept man'. Sounds nicer.

ABetaDad Sun 27-Sep-09 16:59:36

As a SAHD/WAHD some scool gate mums have asked me questions in the past which clearly implied they thought I lived off my wife - because I do not visibly go out to work (like their DH/DP does) and am always picking DCS up from school.

There are some very judgey people about. hmm

HecatesTwopenceworth Sun 27-Sep-09 19:35:22

Yes, there is still a lot of stupidity about.

The man should go and earn the money.
The woman should do the housework and the childcare and can work if she wants to, but she'll be judged. But she'll be judged if she doesn't too. hmm

I think that's all wrong.

But someone (and it can be either the man or the woman) who does nothing is a freeloader. And the thread was asking what the term cocklodger means. And it means a man who does nothing. nothing at all.

I don't think it's implied that it means any man who doesn't work outside the home, tbh. It is VERY clear that it means a man who does nothing. No money, no household, no childcare, no anything! and leaves 100% of everything to the woman. Someone who gives nothing. THAT type of man deserves a bit of scorn. (as does that type of woman). A nice polite term is letting them off too easily, imo. It should be an offensive term that someone would be ashamed to have applied to them!

A sahd does not fall into that category. I don't think anyone with an ounce of sense would think that they do.

macdoodle Mon 28-Sep-09 00:05:02

You are misunderstanding the term, it IS intended to be derogatory, it is a man who contributes NOTHING to the family except his cock!!
Not the same at all as a SAHD!!

TigerDrivesAgain Mon 28-Sep-09 00:09:23

good grief

How PC we all are

I used to be married to one of these. And he wasn't all that free with his cock. Now that is a waste of space.

Anyone who is on the high horse for a SAHD shoud get off now!

SolidGoldBrass Mon 28-Sep-09 00:57:56

A cocklodger is not the same as a SAHP at all. A SAHP is contributing to the family's wellbeing by looking after the children and doing the majority (but not all) of the domestic work. Cocklodgers trade on the fact that single mothers often feel they are nothing without a partner and so will put up with any old crap just to be not single. Cocklodgers switch on either the flirty charm of the poor-wickle-me tap when challenged or politely asked to contribute something to the household.

Unlikelyamazonian Mon 28-Sep-09 08:06:42

Robin's flatmate?

ABetaDad Mon 28-Sep-09 08:21:14

Once told a woman I was a gigolo when she rather insistently asked what I did for a living. That surprised her. grin

HecatesTwopenceworth Mon 28-Sep-09 11:42:56

grin ABD. I bet it did.

mummee09verity Mon 28-Sep-09 13:38:40

i used to be a single parent and i most certainly didnt feel like i was "nothing" without a partner!!! quite enjoyed it to be honest!!! lol.
would rather be single than put up with some scrounging man living in my house!!!!

AMumInScotland Mon 28-Sep-09 13:45:48

Cocklodger is the equivalent of gold-digger - someone who brings no support or effort to the relationship, but only sex, and expects to get everything else provided for them because of that one thing.

SAHM or SAHD is an equal partner whose contribution to the relationship is about childcare, keeping the home, running the household etc rather than working outside the home for money.

None of these things is sexist.

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