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For those thinking of ending their marriages, I have this to share.

(68 Posts)
Tankflybosswalkjam Tue 23-Feb-21 16:45:21

Let me set the scene.

You’ve arranged to go out. You don’t particularly want to go and are not particularly blown away by what you’ll be wearing, or who else will be there. But you’ve still got to go anyway.
And it’s raining and cold. And you’ve got a headache or it’s the first day of a monstrous period.
And the house is especially tidy and quiet and fragrant. The lighting is low, everywhere is cosy. You have clean sheets on the bed, maybe a hot water bottle. Fresh cotton pjs are warming on the radiator. There’s a bottle of wine in the kitchen if you want, a good book you’re really into, and you won’t be disturbed, but still you have to dress up, and go and be pleasant. The clothes feel too tight, there’s a spot coming on your chin, the taxi is a bit late and it’s now pissing down.

And then you get a text to say the event is cancelled. grin

You know that deep deep relief when something you just don’t want to do, doesn’t have to be done, and you can hop into bed and just breathe?

That’s what ending my marriage feels like. I was scared witless and yet it’s actually wondrous.

That’s all.

OP’s posts: |
addicted2spaniels Tue 23-Feb-21 16:48:13

That sounds amazing, OP flowers

Sometimes we're all too scared of the shadows.

SummerHouse Tue 23-Feb-21 16:48:53

Beautiful. Congratulations. Seems a weird thing to say but appropriate here. Long may you enjoy those clean sheets, hot water bottle and good book. flowers

WTFrigg Tue 23-Feb-21 16:52:52

I couldn’t agree more, my ex isn’t a bad person and we are still friends but we did not work well together. Separating has been the best thing for us both!

billy1966 Tue 23-Feb-21 16:54:49

Great analogy.

That feeling of something being cancelled that you really dread IS a wonderful feeling.


jamaisjedors Tue 23-Feb-21 16:56:12

Totally agree - I anguished for years over leaving and the relief when I did was amazing !

And this despite the separation taking a turn for the dramatic !

Couldn't have done it without MN though.

But yes, all the back and forth and wondering and hoping and crying and grieving - and then YES it was totally the right decision.

Doesn't stop me being sad for what might have been or what could have been, had exH not turned into a controlling, abusive a**********.

HaggisBurger Tue 23-Feb-21 16:58:33

Thank you. For someone who is planning on pulling the trigger in 4 weeks on an at best OK 20 year marriage .... this is good to read.

TheMamaYo Tue 23-Feb-21 17:11:34

💯. And from then on, living under your own rules. I can’t even imagine sharing my space with a ‘significant other’ ever again. It is heavenly without.

AgathaX Tue 23-Feb-21 17:13:33

I'm really pleased for you, and others in the same situation.

yousawthewholeofthemoon Tue 23-Feb-21 17:17:23

Great wording, OP.

MsOgyny Tue 23-Feb-21 17:18:31

This is the exact scenario of my secret dreamlife (which I may or may not have a few pinterest boards dedicated to...). Except in the dream I don't have any plans in the first place. It is beautiful.

Well done to you for making it happen! I do wonder whether i ever will, but it really does sound idyllic. The only mess would be my mess, and I'm not messy! Bliss!

Feelingchicken99 Tue 23-Feb-21 17:25:46

What a wonderful way to explain the freedom you must be feeling, I can’t wait till this is me

Hettyhopper Tue 23-Feb-21 17:36:27

My exH left me, so although at first I was in the darkest place, I grew to feel exactly as you describe. A few years later my partner moved in but after a few months I told him to move back out as I could not stand sharing my space...we are still together but I get my own terms again now. Bliss grin

Snowymcsnowsony Tue 23-Feb-21 17:39:01

2 weeks of tears and worry. Then the euphoria of The Black Cloud lifted...

LunaTheCat Tue 23-Feb-21 17:42:19

Oh I am so very pleased for you.

bobby81 Tue 23-Feb-21 17:50:59

Well said OP. I am blissfully happy on my own & so proud of myself for leaving my marriage.
‘Everything you want is on the other side of fear’ is a quote that really helped me to take the plunge. I love a good quote!

blueshoes Tue 23-Feb-21 18:07:50

Are children involved?

Tankflybosswalkjam Tue 23-Feb-21 18:25:53


Yes Blueshoes, children are involved. They were the biggest push to get me to decide to end it. I couldn’t have them thinking that our life/marriage was normal. I want better for them. I never want them to think that it’s ok to be tense and miserable because that’s all they’ve seen. They miss him, but are calmer, happier kids.

OP’s posts: |
Wakingup55643 Tue 23-Feb-21 18:34:55

This is my dream. The relief, the comfort, the freedom, and as your update says, happier healthier kids who can see how life should and shouldn't be. Thank you OP!
*holds hands with @feelingchicken99

WannabemoreWeaver Tue 23-Feb-21 18:51:15

Congratulations. A big step, but one which it sounds like you are really ready for. All the best in the next stage of your life.

isthismylifenow Tue 23-Feb-21 19:02:56

You have described it perfectly and in a way I never could have.

CatCup Tue 23-Feb-21 19:05:39

I wish I was brave like you. Well done, live free and happy flowers

dudsville Tue 23-Feb-21 19:52:19

Ah yes, great account OP! I don't think I'll ever forget moving day, the day I helped him move to his new flat. Came home to a mostly empty home in need of a clean, redecorating, furnishing, but it was mine and I had a lovely bottle of wine in the quiet absence of him and that dreadful relationship.

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat Tue 23-Feb-21 19:53:40

Really needed to hear this tonight. Thanks OP, youve made me grin.

MrsCalypsoGrant Tue 23-Feb-21 20:07:16

Great post OP, and fantastic're talking 'bout my generation there smile

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