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Prostitute confession

(162 Posts)
Whatdoido12 Sat 31-Oct-20 09:36:50

Please help. I’ve changed my username as I’m so mortified.

My boyfriend of 7 years yesterday, completely out the blue, told me that about 8 weeks ago he had sex with a prostitute. He was driving and looked really ill. I asked him if he was ok and he just pulled over and told me, said the guilt was killing him.

What he says happened:
It was his friends birthday early September, they went out as a group of guys and went back to the friends house for an after party (what’s Covid, eh?). They were drinking heavily and also used ketamine and Coke. One of his friends called a prostitute - the friend had sex with the prostitute and then my boyfriend did. He said it was the worst thing he’s ever done, regretted it immediately and hates himself. He got an STI check and it came back clean. I’ve ordered a self test kit online anyway.

We had just this month started trying for a baby. We had sex on Wednesday in my “peak fertility” phase, I took the morning after pill yesterday as soon as I got home but I’m aware it might not work.

I made him sleep downstairs last night. I can hear him sobbing downstairs. He is about as contrite as a person can be currently.

My best friend’s grandad passed away yesterday morning so I don’t feel like I can talk to her about this. I feel so conflicted. I love him so much, he treats me better than I have ever been treated (apart from this, obviously) and we have been so happy for 7 years. We bought a house last year and have a dog and this has blindsided me.

I remember the morning after this happened - he came home quite sheepishly and REALLY hungover, was vomiting all day, I gave him a bollocking for staying at his mates house and taking loads of drugs, but that was that. He was very quiet and wanted lots of cuddling etc but I just naively assumed it was cause he was hungover/sorry for staying out when he shouldn’t of been.

And now I’m sitting here. I just don’t know what to do.

OP’s posts: |
NancysDream Sat 31-Oct-20 09:38:21

Are you ok with him taking all those drugs?

NancysDream Sat 31-Oct-20 09:39:05

Because ketamine and coke would be a hell no from me, let alone the prostitution.

VivaMiltonKeynes Sat 31-Oct-20 09:40:18

Drugs and sloppy seconds - what do you see in him?

Spied Sat 31-Oct-20 09:42:01

Good Lord. Drugs and using a prostitute.
I know what I'd be doing.

notapizzaeater Sat 31-Oct-20 09:44:07

Glad you found out now rather than in a few weeks when you was potentially pregnant. I'd be packing for him - no one forced him to take the drugs nor have sex with a prostitute

Purplecatshopaholic Sat 31-Oct-20 09:45:16

Oh op. Drugs and a prostitute? That would be it for me, for sure - you will never be able to trust him again. Please don’t have a child with this man. I’m so sorry

AnyFucker Sat 31-Oct-20 09:47:10

Drop him like the tainted piece of shit he is.

NancysDream Sat 31-Oct-20 09:48:46

Am I right that he had unprotected sex and then you both TTC? That's really shitty if so

DiddlySquatty Sat 31-Oct-20 09:48:52

What a shock for you 💐

I’m not sure I can say anything helpful really because you obviously already knew he used drugs - I can’t imagine being ok with that and considering having someone that is into that be the father of my child

HollowTalk Sat 31-Oct-20 09:50:17

It was so awful for him that he had an orgasm.

KormaKormaChameleon Sat 31-Oct-20 09:51:46

What you had (or thought you had) is gone. I'm so sorry. You will have to move on.

FlowerOfEvil Sat 31-Oct-20 09:52:07

Only you can decide what to do (I tend to think being cheated on must be similar to a bereavement; one minute you are happy and the next minute it is all over and you don’t know what to do as you still love the person).

I cannot understand though why you were trying for a baby if he regularly takes such hard drugs!

Whatdoido12 Sat 31-Oct-20 09:52:22

Re: the drugs, it’s not a usual thing for him. He used a bit of Coke at uni on a very recreational basis but it’s certainly not something he does usually (and I’m 100% certain on that) hence the bollocking I gave him when he came home that next morning.

You are all right though. I think I knew what needs to be done deep down x

OP’s posts: |
AsGhoulAsKimDeal Sat 31-Oct-20 10:01:47

Some things are completely unforgivable and using a prostitute (and one prepared to have unprotected sex with multiple men on a late night out call, which suggests someone particularly desperate and vulnerable) is one of them.

Lifeisabeach09 Sat 31-Oct-20 10:07:40

Sorry to hear, OP.
I suppose if you were to give it ago, his shame?, guilt, regret, might go in his favour. Some might consider a single sexual encounter better than an affair...
However, how you can trust him again? He cheated, with a prostitute, and put you at risk of STIs plus the betrayal. he really so impressionable that his friends doing drugs and using a prostitute means he does so also? He sounds weak, IMO.

Lsquiggles Sat 31-Oct-20 10:09:33

This doesn't sound like a man you want to have a baby with. You deserve a man who respects you and your relationship, he clearly doesn't. He's kept this from you for a month so he clearly didn't want to confess but had to because it's eating him up, poor thing hmm don't let the tears manipulate you

DrMorbius Sat 31-Oct-20 10:10:07

What do you want to do Op?
In what circumstances could you envisage a future together or has he truly crossed a line for you?

Omeara Sat 31-Oct-20 10:11:02

The thought of him having sex with a woman minutes after his friend did makes me feel sick. It adds an extra seediness to it imo.

I would end the relationship for using a prostitute full stop, both because of the poor value he places on women and the fact he’d cheated on me.

Sunnydaysstillhere Sat 31-Oct-20 10:12:09

Wow great df material there op..
Raise the bar for both you and future dc. Imagine splitting up and trying to argue your known druggie dp shouldn't have access to the dc...

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 31-Oct-20 10:12:24

You poor thing. Did he say why he did it? I’d be off. If he doesn’t know why he did it how can he tell you he won’t do it again?

Did you know how revolting his friend was?

Wyntersdiary Sat 31-Oct-20 10:20:16

If he's cheating now with a prostitute then he can cheat when things get tough like when you have kids and are shattered and the sex becomes a bit less and he's thinking you don't fancy him now because God forbid you want 1 night of decent sleep and not to be fondled.

Let's see how he handles those changes.

The drugs would already be a reason to leave for me but having sex with someone else is even more a deal-breaker. No excuses I would be gone before I have a child.

Could never trust him again

Goatinthegarden Sat 31-Oct-20 10:21:10

Im sorry you have been treated this way OP.

I’m not normally one to wade in and shout ltb, but he was involved in treating a (probably very vulnerable) woman in an exceptionally degrading way. He has also cheated on you and then had unprotected sex with you. So he would be out of my door straight away, no matter how ‘upset’ he was about it.

Also there are some scientific studies that consider the effects that drugs have on sperm and subsequent birth defects. I’m not against drugs per se, but I would be completely against TTC with someone with drugs in their system.

LouHotel Sat 31-Oct-20 10:22:30

Can you but him out the house or vice versa? If not get the house on the market to cut all ties with this man.

You forgive this OP he'll do it again because he knows he can, next time it will be because you were pregnant/busy with the baby and he feels unloved.

TheVanguardSix Sat 31-Oct-20 10:23:26

If I were you- and I am not, but if I were- I'd hightail it onto the Fuckthat Express to Nopeville.
Sloppy, gross, disrespectful, and careless... and all this in the midst of a pandemic. Sweet. It took a little bit of this and a little bit of that, a line here and a quick dive into the K-hole over there for him to soak his dick inside a prostitute. If you think he will be a faithful, loving, loyal husband and father, think again. Sorry. I've seen how this film ends too many times. My name's been on the credits. So forgive my cycnism, but I've been around too long to fool myself over guys like the one you're wasting your time with now. I am sorry to be harsh because it's never nice to hear. You have choices. And you can try and come back from this if you really think that's the way forward. But if I were you, I'd close the confessional booth. You're not his priest and you're not his mommy on stand-by with the cuddles and the TPC/plasters. You're his partner and he's shat all over your relationship and now has the audacity to be a big baby about it all. I wish you strength and I hope you make a decision that empowers you. If you were talking to a dear friend and this was her situation, what would you tell her?

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