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24 year old nephew does not communicate(135 Posts)
It is always me that has to phone and mostly I do not get a reply. We
live nearby but it is always me who goes there to help with shopping etc I look after their dog sometimes for a week or so but was told by him that it could have gone in the kennels.He mostly ignores me when I go there or goes upstairs but I only go there to help out
In fact any communication between us is via a third party usually his mother.
she tells me it is quite normal for youngsters not to bother with their
older relatives . I have stopped going there at Xmas etc and giving presents as I find it too exhausting. Also reducing phone calls to very limit.
Is this normal that one has to make all the effort all the time?
I'd say it was unusual for an aunt-nephew relationship to be especially close, yes.
I sent gifts to nephews when they were children but I don’t now they are adults. Only see them at weddings, parties etc to say hello. It would be overbearing if I wanted to be any closer and I wouldn’t be making random phone calls either.
You are strange. Why are you forcing a relationship? I think most people do not have close relationships with their aunts and uncles.
Why does he need help with shopping? Is there a back story?
From what you’ve said so far, you sound a bit much.
I'm in my mid-thirties and I still communicate with my aunts and uncles through my parents!
The only time I have ever called one of my aunts was to update her on my father's surgery.
OP, I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive, but do you have immediate family of your own? Your post reads that perhaps you had a close relationship with your nephew when he was younger (perhaps you provided childcare, etc...) and you're unsure why this is now dwindling.
His behaviour is completely normal, sorry. I have an adult niece and nephew.
Nephew I have only just got a mobile number for because all communication was through my sister. Niece I'm in closer contact with but it would typically be me organising visits and maintaining contact.
* I look after their dog sometimes for a week or so but was told by him that it could have gone in the kennels.He mostly ignores me when I go there or goes upstairs but I only go there to help out*
His behaviour sounds quite rude here but I wonder if you are more full on than you realise.
I'd back away, fill your life with other things and possibly as he matures you will become closer.
Did you used to have a close relationship? Does he have SN which means he needs help with shopping? Do you have much in common? Is there a backstory here?
I’m confused about why you would help with shopping. Are there some special needs involved? If not why would a 24yo not do their own shopping? If they didn’t ask you to look after their dog how did that happen? Did you ask to?
Unless you helped raise him, I think it is normal for communication about nieces and nephews to be through parents.
I am very close to one of my aunties. But she is closer to me in age, than my mum. She is more like an older sister. We were very close when we were younger.
We talk, but only when theres something to tall about. She called yesterday, to tell me she saw a chair in a shop I was looking for and then we chatted.
But i am in my late 30s. In my early 20s we were in contact far less.
I would say, your expectation is a bit unrealistic. We don't do gifts for adults in the family.
But you obviously do. Stopping going at Christmas and stopping gifts because he won't give you the amount of contact that you think is right, is very odd behaviour and isn't likely to Foster a better relationship.
Surely when you go to help out. You are actually helping out his mum....your sister?
Is there a particular reason for him needing help?
Who's dog is it? And who's house are you attending to help? If it's his parents then it's them you are helping? Maybe with the 'dog can go to kennels you don't need to look after' it's a gentle way of asking you to take a step back?
When you say you have to phone - why do you have to phone him?
If you mean you want to phone him, fair enough. There's no have to about that. There may be a reason you have to phone him, but you haven't told us what it is.
My siblings and I are all adults but my mum and her still buy the nieces and nephews a present and money in a card at Xmas and birthdays, I really don't like it. I've told my DM were a bit too old now (mid 20s to late 30s) but they still do it.
Do you treat him like an adult? My auntie is very opinionated and loud and if we weren't related I really wouldn't have anything to do with her. He's at an age where he might just want to associate with people his own age and when he's older you both may become close again
You have strange expectations. My DM died and I haven't spoken to my aunts and uncles in years.
I keep in touch with my aunts and uncles and if they lived locally I would probably see them more, as it is it's the odd phone call/text or birthday/Christmas card. I don't think it's odd to have a relationship with your aunt or uncle at all. But clearly I'm in the minority judging by this thread.
Need a bit more info, OP. It sounds normal to me considering age and relationship. Were you close when he was younger?
FFS, it's now 'strange' for an aunt to expect her adult nephew to communicate with her?
Need more backstory, OP, but it certainly sounds like he's a rude manchild, indulged by his parents. I come from absolute trash and we still respected our elder family members.
I wonder if stepping back would be a good idea. Have you thought about the possibility that he's trying to tell you he doesn't want that level of relationship with you.
Is your sister/brother who is his parent in his life ?
It’s very unusual to have such a close relationship with a nephew of this age. I think you have to let it go...!
But it is strange @CourtneyLurve. Why does OP feel the she should force her nephew into a close relationship when he doesn’t want to? I love my aunts but they aren’t my mum. The relationship is not the same
I haven’t ever spoken to my aunts or uncles on the phone I don’t think. In the last few years if we have seen each other at family events we can make small talk but that is the extent of our relationship. I wouldn’t expect anything else. My nieces and nephews and I occasionally text but I wouldn’t hold it against them if they didn’t respond!
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