24 year old nephew does not communicate

[LOVELYDOVEY05]

It is always me that has to phone and mostly I do not get a reply. We
live nearby but it is always me who goes there to help with shopping etc I look after their dog sometimes for a week or so but was told by him that it could have gone in the kennels.He mostly ignores me when I go there or goes upstairs but I only go there to help out
In fact any communication between us is via a third party usually his mother.
she tells me it is quite normal for youngsters not to bother with their
older relatives . I have stopped going there at Xmas etc and giving presents as I find it too exhausting. Also reducing phone calls to very limit.
Is this normal that one has to make all the effort all the time?

[Trevsadick]

You didnt have to look after the dog.

You could have said no. They wouldn't have out it down.

So nephew doesn't like you, neither do their neighbours.

Has it occurred to you, the issue is you?

Maybe he feels he doesnt need the level of interference in his life from you.

You say he never contacts you, so its not him asking.

If its a problem, stop helping out.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Why would it be sad if the dog can just go back to the people who bred it if there is an emergency? OK, the dog might not get walked, but it won't be forever?

I wonder if you are somewhat guilty of 'building up your part' and trying to be important to someone? Is your self esteem in need of some work?

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

I would quite understand a 24 year old wanting to spend most of their time with people of their own age and finding the conversation of older people boring . But what if I had said "Put the dog down

What an odd response- so if you dont look after the dog you think they should put it down?- why cant it go to kennels or someone else look after it if you dont want to?

Sounds to me like you think he owes you phone calls due to looking after the dog or that he should be expressing his gratitude that if it wasnt for you, the dog would be dead. Thats quite a manipulative and extreme view of your relationship. You are right that people of his age feel more comfortable talking with others their age. Thats completely normal and you need to stop getting so huffy about it and find your own friends who do want to meet up etc

[SnuggyBuggy]

Just say no to looking after the dog. It clearly isn't doing your relationship with these people any good.

[Simply2020]

@Lovelydovey05, stop and do not feel guilty for anything. You have done your share. I reached out to my son just before Covid 19 in February when my business collapsed. He told me, "I will not help you..." blah blah. I reminded him how much thousands of pounds I had given him over the years. He told me that I was a bad mother because a good mother would have saved up to make sure that he was financially secured for life.

Let's leave the young people alone.

[ZombieFan]

So your sister asked you to look after a dog, when she was visiting her son in hospital, which is pretty normal. ("Put the dog down I am too busy with my own life ?" )
But you are very annoyed because a 24yo nephew doesn't ring you up all the time?

I think its a bit petty but if its that big deal just say no to your sister next time. Its pretty normal for a 24yo to have very little to do with an older auntie, they have their own lives to get on with.

[backseatcookers]

Let's leave the young people alone.

@Simply2020 I'm so sorry to hear about how your son has spoken to you, that's awful and no wonder you feel so sad and angry about it.

But I promise there are plenty of young people who aren't horrible and selfish, plus plenty of older people who are (as well as those who aren't) - there's good and bad in every age group not just young people.

Sorry again you've had a rough time with him

[lottiegarbanzo]

Good god OP, you're one of those people who just vocalises whatever is passing through your head and expects people to understand what you mean, which would rely on their holding deep knowledge of your family history and circumstances.

FFS. Slow down. Think about your audience. Think outside yourself. If you can.

[Opaljewel]

Wow I guess I must be abnormal. I'm close to my aunties and uncles and I have several of them. I'm 34. We have a big family. I'm not in constant contact but we converse enough. I have two nephews and I might not see them all the time but we are close. Maybe it's due to my brother dying young but I make sure I maintain my relationship with them both. One is 16 and the other 21. I still give them money for birthday and Christmas and I always will.

[Opaljewel]

By the way op, I think its nice you help out and you don't sound appreciated. So many people see in black and white and don't understand that what is normal for some, isn't the same for others. I would be upset if my nephew ignored me too.

[mathanxiety]

It looks as if you had strong opinions about the purchase of the dog. Also that you and the neighbours have a mutual dislike.

Would you say you are a person who 'shoots from the lip'?

[LOVELYDOVEY05]

Very interesting. It does seem that Mumsnet is quite representative of the modern nuclear family model with less intergenerational support.
I had not noticed that before.
Kennels are very expensive so it should be good to have a relative to help. Also in emergency medical situations However this will now end.
He and his neighbours are rude people. I am not .One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive; In the meantime there are plenty of others who are happy to see me

[Trevsadick]

So hevisbrude and repulsive.....but you are still desperate for him to be in contact with you?

If you only help people out, to place expectations on them you will end up disappointed.

And if you don't like them, why would you want lots of contact anyway?

[whatthefuckamigoingtodo]

This is weird

[squeekums]

I think I understand why he avoids contact
You expect he contacts, has all this respect for you yet I gather from your tone here, talk down to him, his mother and their choices and expect to just be listened to silently.
Screw that, I'd have deleted your number

[SnuggyBuggy]

He sounds like a troubled young man in any case if he is exposing himself. It sounds like you are taking it rather personally though. You need to accept this for what it is and focus on those who do appreciate you.

[rayoflightboy]

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers
I think this needs more context.

[CtrlU]

Bless

Do you have children OP ?
Sounds like your feeling a little left out

[CtrlU]

OP it honestly sounds like you don’t have much of a life and you have been around your nephew a lot growing up and expected him to return the favour and want to spend a lot of time with you when his older but the reality is his growing up.

I’m not sure why you seem bitter about it all

[onalongsabbatical]

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive;
Quite the weird drip-feed. Well played OP.

[Choice4567]

Well this just gets more bizarre. Why are you desperate for a relationship when you don’t like him? Why do you feel he owes you that?

I don’t think MN is particularly focussed on the nuclear family. You asked a question and people are answering that they aren’t close to their aunts. Some people will be.

It’s your obsession with your nephew and forcing a relationship that’s weird

[GinWithASplashOfTonic]

My Dm never communicates with her nephew apart from birthday and Christmas. Unless visiting her brother and he's there.

I don't communicate with my aunts or uncles unless it's birthday, Christmas, I'm planning a visit, or they are visiting us.

Yabu

[GinWithASplashOfTonic]

And reading you're update you have a sister problem not a nephew problem. She was the one who asked you to look after the dog. You could have said no to the dog

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Well, there's 'taking down his trousers' whilst having underpants and a long shirt on and the trousers are about to go in the washing machine and he's in his own house...

and there's 'taking down his trousers' no underpants, waving his willy about and going 'look, look! I'm a helicopter..weeeee!!'

Which one was it? Showing you his arse or behaving openly and carrying on daily life in front of you.

You can't force a 'non nuclear' family on people who don't want it, you know. If he doesn't want to see you, then he doesn't. He's a grown man not a little boy to be told to kiss auntie goodbye.

[backseatcookers]

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive;

What the actual...