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Relationships

24 year old nephew does not communicate

134 replies

LOVELYDOVEY05 · 07/06/2020 06:49

It is always me that has to phone and mostly I do not get a reply. We
live nearby but it is always me who goes there to help with shopping etc I look after their dog sometimes for a week or so but was told by him that it could have gone in the kennels.He mostly ignores me when I go there or goes upstairs but I only go there to help out
In fact any communication between us is via a third party usually his mother.
she tells me it is quite normal for youngsters not to bother with their
older relatives . I have stopped going there at Xmas etc and giving presents as I find it too exhausting. Also reducing phone calls to very limit.
Is this normal that one has to make all the effort all the time?

OP posts:
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AriadnesFilament · 09/06/2020 08:58

This thread gets more and more peculiar with every update.

OP, I think you might need to go back and type this out with lots more detail if you want any useful input because right now, with what you’ve provided, it’s impossible.

You might think that what you’ve said is obvious but trust me, it’s like trying to look through a window smeared with marshmallow: thick, sticky, and occluded - you can see vague shapes of what’s there but you’re not quite sure either way if what you’re seeing is correct.

Tbh, if this is how you communicate in real life you may well have your answer as to why things with your sister and nephew are the way they are.

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Shortfeet · 09/06/2020 01:49

Eh?

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Bumbelinaaa · 09/06/2020 01:21

So when you visit the either ignore you or moon at you?? I don’t think they want you there.

Read the room OP

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espressoontap · 08/06/2020 21:18
Hmm
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Haffiana · 08/06/2020 19:46

I think you should carry on sulking at him OP, and not speak to him until he learns the error of his ways.

That way both of you will be perfectly happy.

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AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 08/06/2020 19:03

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive

Blimey this thread just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

So, now you say you find him "repulsive" and offensive? yet you want him to ring you regularly for a chat?

Alrighty then.

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monkeymonkey2010 · 08/06/2020 15:00

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive
Yep....and i bet a pound he did it deliberately to piss you off so much that YOU STOP suffocating/smothering him.
I actually feel bad for him that he's had to resort to 'desperate measures' to get his message across.

he's a 24 year old MAN, an ADULT.
Regard him as such.

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monkeymonkey2010 · 08/06/2020 14:58

I was able to work p/time but his Mum is younger and needed to keep her job so I helped them both

None of this is your RESPONSIBILITY.....yet his mum and you both think it is!
Personally i think your sister is taking the piss out of you.
Doing exactly as she pleases re getting a dog they can't look after and passing the responsibility onto you.

HELPING family is fine......allowing yourself to become codependent, living in each others pockets and enabling an unhealthy enmeshed dynamic is NOT fine.

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Iseeareddoor · 08/06/2020 12:40

I don’t know why your nephew won’t communicate with you, you sound lovely OP.

Just kidding.

Why don’t you leave this family alone and go and spend time with those you claim do wish to see you.

Problem solved.

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backseatcookers · 08/06/2020 12:00

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive;

What the actual...

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Zaphodsotherhead · 08/06/2020 10:48

Well, there's 'taking down his trousers' whilst having underpants and a long shirt on and the trousers are about to go in the washing machine and he's in his own house...

and there's 'taking down his trousers' no underpants, waving his willy about and going 'look, look! I'm a helicopter..weeeee!!'

Which one was it? Showing you his arse or behaving openly and carrying on daily life in front of you.

You can't force a 'non nuclear' family on people who don't want it, you know. If he doesn't want to see you, then he doesn't. He's a grown man not a little boy to be told to kiss auntie goodbye.

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GinWithASplashOfTonic · 08/06/2020 08:59

And reading you're update you have a sister problem not a nephew problem. She was the one who asked you to look after the dog. You could have said no to the dog

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GinWithASplashOfTonic · 08/06/2020 08:56

My Dm never communicates with her nephew apart from birthday and Christmas. Unless visiting her brother and he's there.

I don't communicate with my aunts or uncles unless it's birthday, Christmas, I'm planning a visit, or they are visiting us.

Yabu

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Choice4567 · 08/06/2020 08:49

Well this just gets more bizarre. Why are you desperate for a relationship when you don’t like him? Why do you feel he owes you that?

I don’t think MN is particularly focussed on the nuclear family. You asked a question and people are answering that they aren’t close to their aunts. Some people will be.

It’s your obsession with your nephew and forcing a relationship that’s weird

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onalongsabbatical · 08/06/2020 08:28

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive;
Quite the weird drip-feed. Well played OP.

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CtrlU · 08/06/2020 08:07

OP it honestly sounds like you don’t have much of a life and you have been around your nephew a lot growing up and expected him to return the favour and want to spend a lot of time with you when his older but the reality is his growing up.

I’m not sure why you seem bitter about it all

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CtrlU · 08/06/2020 08:03

Bless

Do you have children OP ?
Sounds like your feeling a little left out

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rayoflightboy · 08/06/2020 07:41

One day I went round there and he took down his trousers
I think this needs more context.

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SnuggyBuggy · 08/06/2020 06:18

He sounds like a troubled young man in any case if he is exposing himself. It sounds like you are taking it rather personally though. You need to accept this for what it is and focus on those who do appreciate you.

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squeekums · 08/06/2020 06:14

I think I understand why he avoids contact
You expect he contacts, has all this respect for you yet I gather from your tone here, talk down to him, his mother and their choices and expect to just be listened to silently.
Screw that, I'd have deleted your number

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whatthefuckamigoingtodo · 08/06/2020 05:52

This is weird

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Trevsadick · 08/06/2020 05:49

So hevisbrude and repulsive.....but you are still desperate for him to be in contact with you?

If you only help people out, to place expectations on them you will end up disappointed.

And if you don't like them, why would you want lots of contact anyway?

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LOVELYDOVEY05 · 08/06/2020 05:44

Very interesting. It does seem that Mumsnet is quite representative of the modern nuclear family model with less intergenerational support.
I had not noticed that before.
Kennels are very expensive so it should be good to have a relative to help. Also in emergency medical situations However this will now end.
He and his neighbours are rude people. I am not .One day I went round there and he took down his trousers . Repulsive; In the meantime there are plenty of others who are happy to see me

OP posts:
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mathanxiety · 08/06/2020 05:31

It looks as if you had strong opinions about the purchase of the dog. Also that you and the neighbours have a mutual dislike.

Would you say you are a person who 'shoots from the lip'?

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Opaljewel · 07/06/2020 20:34

By the way op, I think its nice you help out and you don't sound appreciated. So many people see in black and white and don't understand that what is normal for some, isn't the same for others. I would be upset if my nephew ignored me too.

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