Do lots of men do this thing my husband does?

[Dudududodu]

I’ll keep this brief.

My husband has sexted people for basically all of our relationship. I have caught him two or three times in the 20odd years of our relationship. Before apps it was chat rooms. I’ve just found out the true(ish) extent of this behaviour spanning the first 15 years of our relationship. He has met at least one that I know of for casual sex and I stayed with him because I believed he had gone temporarily crazy (I was young/naive).

He claims to not know when the last time he did this was. I have proof of 2014, so that best case scenario. He claims to have suddenly grown up since then. He’s now late 30s.

Is this a normal thing that men do when they are young? I’m not okay with it but can’t get away from the boggle that I’m Overreacting (what he claims)

He’s not going to stop overnight, right? I mean, that’s just unrealistic isn’t it. Why suddenly grow up a few years ago for no reason?

(He’s also had three known affairs)

Please reassure me I’m not crazy. I’m in the process of moving out but I’m wavering.

[FredaFrogspawn]

Sorry but you are crazy to be wavering! You know you deserve better than this. It’s not normal, no. Not for a married man. It’s deviant.

[Cabinfever10]

No this is not normal behaviour and it will never stop
Sorry

[SporadicNamechange]

Oh, OP. You know that sexting, meeting for casual sex and affairs are not just something that men do when they're young. He's an unspeakable shit and you are in no way crazy for leaving him. How could you ever trust him?

[Lostvoiced]

Cheating? No, that's a thing cheaters do.

Get rid.

'Overreacting' wow, how does he expect you to swallow that?

[rosesareredsometimes]

Move out!

He will never respect you and I'm surprised you have put up with this as king as you have. Three affairs on top of the sexting makes a sham of everything that being married is supposed to stand for. How do you ever trust him to go out etc? Are you not sat worrying what he is up to?

Of course he says you're overreacting. He is having his cake and eating it at the minute. Don't let him gaslight you any longer. Pack your stuff and leave and find someone who won't want to do this to you.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation but deep down you must know this isn't how it's supposed to be.

[Menora]

Can you explain what you are wavering about?

He has cheated on you many times in many ways. Of course he thinks you are over reacting because he thinks this is ok. It isn’t ok!

[DartmoorChef]

Of course it's not normal, ok, or acceptable in a relationship unless its something both parties agree on.

He has cheated on you three times (that you know of).. Why are you wavering??

Im sorry but he thinks you are a mug abs a doormat and he can do whatever he likes with no love or respect for you.

Have some self respect and get rid of him.

[foreversville]

Err he sexts over women and has an affair three times that you know.

No, even for this site this is pretty shit behaviour.

You're in an open relationship but you're the only one that doesn't know it.

[ColdToesHere]

Nope. Not normal
Stop wavering and keep moving. You deserve better.

[Chungus]

No, of course not.

[SummerHouse]

Three known affairs. That's enough. You don't ever have to question this decision. He will never have and would never deserve your trust.

[Doowop20]

I’m not sure why you are focusing on the chat rooms when he has had three know affairs. That’s nothing to do with his age.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Of course that isn't normal. He's cheated multiple times. That's not something that "men" do, it's something that cheaters do.

[4amWitchingHour]

No, never normal, regardless of age. Move out, work on your self esteem, then find someone who actually loves you

[Cambionome]

Op - you are under reacting!! This is awful!

[Cocobean30]

What the??? No it’s not normal at all you need to leave him

[Dudududodu]

To answer a few questions. I am wavering because of the family etc. All the reasons you would expect. I don’t want to hurt him and also I don’t want to break up with him. I can’t explain but I bet lots of you get it.

The last of the three affairs was four years ago (that I know of. They stayed in casual contact until a couple of years later but no proof of anything more). I know I can leave for whatever reason, but I rep freezing and then feeling like it’s too late and I might be being unfair.

I stay for the kids, which is illogical.

I stay because I don’t believe I could do any better (he’s great on paper. Quite a catch!) so I’ll have to watch him remarry someone better. I know this is selfish and self-absorbed. We split once and he had women queuing up for him.

He says it’s just toilet humour/curiosity. He wouldn’t sleep with any because the one time he did, he couldn’t finish and gated every minute. I know this is bull crap! But can’t shake the what if feeling

[IdblowJonSnow]

Please leave OP! There is probably even more you dont know about, genuinely not wanting to stick the boot in, sorry.
He will never change. Go and start a new life without him.
And consider an STD test.

[Dudududodu]

The other two affairs were only kissing and sexting apparently. I don’t believe him obvs.

[Windyatthebeach]

He has no respect for you or your marriage.
He is a shite df risking the stability of his dc's life so flippantly..
He is an absolute piss taker imo.
Maybe the Cms and a solicitor can bring him back to reality..
Before you need sti testing and a shrink..

[bibberdybobberdyboo]

Omg what a wanker! He's treating you like shit and you are letting him if you don't leave!

[Fluffycloudland77]

Blimey, I think you can say you’ve given it your best shot I really do.

As far as I know my dh isn’t sexting anyone.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

He doesn't respect you. That should be reason enough to leave. He thinks you are a 'little woman' who should put up and shut up because he says so. He doesn't even credit you with enough intelligence to know what he's up to, or to know that he's telling these 'other women' things he should be saying only to you. He's probably telling them all sorts of invented unpleasant things about you so they feel sorry enough for him to shag him.

It's not what he's doing, it's what it implies. That he really doesn't care about you (or your family).

[Yester]

You are teaching your children that being treated badly is OK. He will get worse not better. My husband of 20 years has never done any such things . You and your children deserve so much more.

[Potterurotter]

If I were you, I would get counselling so that I could get my head around what has been going on. I know that sounds weird but I think you need to come to terms with how you are feeling as you said you feel it is unfair ( to leave). I have been the same because I am a helper and I always want to see the best in people and how the good outweighs the bad etc, and I know that when I left I had difficulty on my own adjusting as I was backtracking on my decision etc. I know this probably isn’t helpful but just wanted to give my pennies worth although maybe not helpful