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Husband sexual group chat

(171 Posts)
love1234 Thu 26-Mar-20 13:54:50

My husband was being a bit funny with his phone, so I asked to see what he was hiding. After a lot of saying I needed to calm down etc he showed me - lads chat is full of pictures of random naked women from the internet and they're all rating them who is hottest, including my husband.

I'm absolutely raging with him and he can't see why. AIBU?

P.s. we are not one of those couples who doesn't allow porn etc. but I feel like this is too far.

SambaMamba Thu 26-Mar-20 13:56:33

Lol. I think you’re being a bit unreasonable. It’s a private conversation.

Seventyone72seventy3 Thu 26-Mar-20 13:58:56

It’s a private conversation.
It's a private conversation in which you discover he rates women like pieces of meat. Okay.... Personally I have higher standards,not surprised you're annoyed OP.

HelloDulling Thu 26-Mar-20 14:00:13

God, that’s grim. Are you married to a 15 year old?

But then I am very anti porn too.

Yester Thu 26-Mar-20 14:01:15

I would be disgusted if my teenagers did this let alone a grown man. It's so sexist and weird.

IWantT0BreakFree Thu 26-Mar-20 14:01:28

Extremely grim. Decent men don't behave like that.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:02:41

Unbelievably grim. That's the sort of nonsense teen boys do. A grown man rating women with his dipshit friends is pathetic.

Atleastthedoglovesme Thu 26-Mar-20 14:02:48

How would he like to see a photo of you up there for them all to rate? Or his DD?

Disrespectful knob...not a nice human being at all!

ceejay54321 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:04:20

To be fair - my friend is on Tinder and sends pictures of men for me to ‘rate’...

givemeacall Thu 26-Mar-20 14:04:42

That’s disgusting

ceejay54321 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:06:37

It’s not nice, but this is an internet thing. People can be cruel with some anonymity - people ‘rate’ celebrities - and comment on their cellulite etc.

ceejay54321 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:07:02

Men AND women are guilty of this.

SwingSuperiour Thu 26-Mar-20 14:07:14

Meh. Me and DH do this when we're out.
I've had the unfortunate luck of seeing some of posts in the chat group from the recent Stag.

LolaSmiles Thu 26-Mar-20 14:07:27

I think those conversations are like immature 14 year olds oggling tits for the first time and a sign of lad culture and toxic masculinity.

However, it's a private conversation and unless you've discussed this is a line then I'm not sure you've got grounds to be raging. What do you say 'I'm fine with you oggling women in porn as wank material, but don't discuss the attractiveness of naked women with your friends because that's too far'?

BeetrootRocks Thu 26-Mar-20 14:09:18

Pathetic behaviour.

The older I get the more I realise just how many men haven't actually developed emotionally past age 14.

ceejay54321 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:19:17

Of course, us women NEVER make comments on men’s bodies - or their dick size. We are so perfect....

ceejay54321 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:28:19

There is such a thing as ‘toxic femininity’ as well - where we assume that we are so gentle, pure and virtuous - and owe’d NEVER do anything of the sort.....shock

LolaSmiles Thu 26-Mar-20 14:35:37

Of course, us women NEVER make comments on men’s bodies - or their dick size. We are so perfect....
Nobody has said otherwise.

Just to spell it out there is a big difference between passing a comment that a man/woman is attractive and having a pathetic little group chat where you find naked photos online and spend your time discussing them.
I'd be surprised if it was common for women to have group chats where they spend their time hunting for nudes of men and then discuss their finds.

There is such a thing as ‘toxic femininity’ as well - where we assume that we are so gentle, pure and virtuous - and owe’d NEVER do anything of the sort
Has nothing to do with this thread. I don't see you point.

Both posts seem very "yeah but women are meanies..." / "Let me take it upon myself to ignore the situation in hand and remind you that women are the problem too".

BeetrootRocks Thu 26-Mar-20 14:36:50

Yes the world is full of groups of women downloading and sharing dic pics and rating them hmm

This is the diet Coke argument isn't it. As long as any woman anywhere has ever done <the thing> it means men everywhere can do whatever they want in very large numbers.

LolaSmiles Thu 26-Mar-20 14:42:31

BeetrootRocks
You're so right.
12th rule of misogyny: whatever women suffer from, men suffer from more

OP finds her husband is in a pathetic group chat where grown men feel the need to download photos of naked women from the internet to discuss at length.

Response: But some women might have laughed at a dick pic (which was probably unsolicited and unwanted in the first place but that's another issue) so actually women are just as bad.

ceejay54321 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:42:49

My friend and I have had a very lengthy group chat about Michael Fassbender’s cock?

ChickenyChick Thu 26-Mar-20 14:44:23

It is sad, it would make me laugh to be honest, and I'd think a bit less of my husband for it

Shoxfordian Thu 26-Mar-20 14:47:02

Its pathetic
I would definitely consider if I wanted to stay married to him

Lynda07 Thu 26-Mar-20 14:49:19

I don't know, love1234. It's sort of schoolboy playground stuff by the sound of it. I wouldn't like it but my late husband was car mad and was on forums like PistonHeads, I still get notifications popping up about that :-). His reading material and box watching was the same. I never snooped at all but he'd leave things open and often try to interest me hmm. I have stacks and stacks of car magazines from the year dot, don't know what to do with them. Could be worse though!

You've made your position clear, he doesn't understand it so he says but may take on board what you've said and stop. Does he not have any hobbies/interests that he can pursue or read about at home?

Something you could do, if necessary, is find sexy pictures of men and have a giggle about them with a couple of friends - friends who feel the same as you about such things (them posting anonymously) - and let him find them. Also explicit talk. See how he likes it.

TheGirlWithAPrince Thu 26-Mar-20 14:53:38

To be honest i would roll my eyes at it, a bit gross but i wouldnt be mad about it..

I know a woman who used to send us all pictures of men and be like oof look at this hotty...

We all just rolled our eyes at her too.

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