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have accidentally caught out dp lying about where he is.....what to do now

(167 Posts)
FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 10:55:41

dp and I live in town A (not together). His ex lives with their dcs in town B which is 2 hours away by car. We have what I would have described as a very easy going, happy relationship. Or so I thought!

a week or so ago, accidentally, dp sent me a message for his ex confirming he was picking up the dcs and taking them out on the evening of day1 (he usually stays there as he has a room at their house). We already had plans to meet on day 2 and he was staying at mine and spending day 3 together.

a few days later, he sends me a message saying he is seeing dc on the evening of day 2 and 3 and can we rearrange. I said fine (and thought him and ex must have just rearranged day 1) and he said why don't we do lunch on day 2 before he goes to town B for the evening.

coincidentally for work, I happen to be driving through town B on day 1. I stop at a petrol station and am filling up when lo and behold, I spot dp's car driving by. He has no reason to be in town B at all. I was going to call him then I thought let me just drive past his ex's house and see and lo and behold, his car is there.

day 2 he was going to meet me for lunch (as arranged) and I was going to be coming back from somewhere up north and arriving at Euston. I predict, in my head, that he will now come up with an excuse as he normally spends the whole day with his dcs when he goes down the night before. Lo and behold, morning of day 2, he says sorry he can't make it as he's ill hmm and says I'm really sad because I wanted to surprise you at Euston (he knew what train I was coming in on). I didn't say anything and he then sends me a picture of an online booked train ticket from his train station to Euston which would have arrived 45 mins after my train arrived hmm

I am not going to confront him till we see each other person but why on earth would you lie like this? I know there is nothing between him and ex but if this was innocent, you wouldn't lie like this would you? I suspect he is covering for whatever he did on the night of day 2 sad (as he would have come back from ex/dcs on day2). Should I just confront him with this or just tell him I think something is going on?

swissmilk Fri 24-May-19 11:00:20

Are you sure there's nothing going on with his ex?
They must be on very good terms at least if he stays over-night at her place?

Apileofballyhoo Fri 24-May-19 11:01:30

Is it not just that he wanted to spend more time with DC? 1 as originally planned, and 2 and 3? Has he actually lied to you saying he wouldn't be spending 1 and 2 with them at all, just evening of 2 and day of 3?

Your post isn't the clearest.

It does sound a bit strange if he normally tells you whatever he's up to and it's no big deal... Why get secretive all of a sudden?

FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 11:01:56

there might be swissmilk but it's unlikely. She has a new bloke and isn't interested in him. But I couldn't rule it out I guess.

I suspect it's more likely that he had something arranged on day2 with someone (not sure who!) that he wanted to hide by pretending he was with his dcs.

FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 11:03:18

if he wanted to spend more time with them, he would have just said so. It's just the weirdness of telling his ex he was seeing them on day 1, then telling me it was day 2 (well before those days arrived) and then 'pretending' he was going to meet me at Euston when he was still with his dcs hours away!

NotAgainKen Fri 24-May-19 11:04:33

why would he send you a photo of his booked train ticket? Do you think he knows you saw him and he's trying to cover his back?

To be honest, I found the whole day 1, 2, 3 thing a bit hard to follow.

FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 11:05:40

I didn't think of the ken. Maybe he saw me.

I have no idea why he would send me a picture of his train ticket. I guess to try and show he did intend to meet me even if he didn't turn up.

BollocksToBrexit Fri 24-May-19 11:08:30

I'd ask him about it directly and most likely end the relationship. I can't abide liars. Once they've shown that you can't trust them, what's the point?

WillowintheUK Fri 24-May-19 11:08:46

Just ask him.

DizzySue Fri 24-May-19 11:09:54

He lied. It doesn't matter why or what he was up to? Do you want to be with a liar? No.

I also find it weird he sleeps over at ex's.

I also found the day 1,2,3 very hard to follow, so may have missed a bit (days of the week would have been easier to understand.)

Xmas2020 Fri 24-May-19 11:09:58

It sounds like you were spying on him, and that he has to run everything by you just to see his own kids? My ex and i split not long after giving birth to our 4th DC, but occasions arise when i need the support of the NRp, this is called co parenting. Issues arise when new partners come on the scene and get jealous or suspicious, and its normally the children that lose out.

PicsInRed Fri 24-May-19 11:15:03

Could the "new bloke" actually be your partner?

FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 11:18:01

sorry didn't want to be too outing re days

Think of them as Monday, Tuesday, Weds. He accidentally sent me a message to his ex confirming picking up dcs on Monday and taking them out. We had plans to see each other Tuesday to Weds. A few days later after the accidental message, he tells me he's seeing his dcs on Tuesday night and can we rearrange Tues/Weds but he'll see me for lunch on Tues before he goes to town B. I have no suspicions and just think him and ex have changed Monday to Tuesday.

On Monday, coincidentally while driving through town B for work, I see his car and then drive past ex's house and see that he's there (which means him and ex most likely kept to Monday, as he had sent in the message he'd accidentally sent me). Normally he stays over so I think in my head, he will pull out of Tuesday meeting me, which he does, but then sends me a train ticket showing he was going to surprise me and meet me at Euston but the train ticket is 45 mins after I would have arrived (I mean why do that?!).

It just reeks of him trying to cover something up - whether it's the ex or someone else.

I also HATE lying.

xmas I wasn't spying on him at all! We have a very easy going relationship, and I had no reason to suspect he wasn't being truthful.

FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 11:21:28

and I have never had an issue with him seeing dcs etc. There's been nothing like that at all.

Aintnon Fri 24-May-19 11:26:07

What day are we on now? Is this in the past?

FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 11:27:52

yes and I haven't seen him since. I should see him later this weekend.

Yellowhat33 Fri 24-May-19 11:27:53

Is the ticket the type that can be refunded? Or maybe he's decided to pay x amount just to get the you off the scent. Can you see the payment details of the card? Could the ticket be someone else's?

MulticolourMophead Fri 24-May-19 11:28:41

Unless he has an absolutely stonking good reason for the lying, I'd bin him. You need trust and he's doing things to break any trust you had.

itsnotallbbqsandshrimp Fri 24-May-19 11:29:11

Doesn't sound like spying at all, op isn't suspicious of them in the slightest. Talk about projection.

He will likely lie further to cover himself. You need to decide if you can date a liar. So really he lied about being with his dc, lied about being ill the next day, and sent you a train ticket to cover his tracks that didn't actually prove anything.

SunniDay Fri 24-May-19 11:30:49

All you can do is ask him what is going on. He is tying himself in knots and "proving" where he is while you weren't really bothered as you thought you could trust him. Ask him to explain this nonsense and if he can't dump him. It sounds like he might live for the drama while you don't.

TBDO Fri 24-May-19 11:31:33

The fact he sent a photo of his ticket to you is weird. Why did he do that? He feels the need to justify himself - are you checking up on him a lot?

FizzyGreenWater Fri 24-May-19 11:31:44

It just reeks of him trying to cover something up

Yes, that's obvious.

But actually it doesn't matter if he is trying to cover something up which is dodgy. It's just as bad, from your point of view, if he fancied a lazy day in bed and didn't want to tell you.

He's a really, really accomplished liar, isn't he?

This is your early warning signal. I'd pay attention to it if I were you. You don't live together. Presumably the relationship is still developing. You want to waste time moving forward with a guy who is happy to lie to you like a pro? I wouldn't.

MashedSpud Fri 24-May-19 11:31:45

How long have you been together?

FizzyGreenWater Fri 24-May-19 11:32:51

I'd ask him out of curiosity.

But even if he had the best reason in the world, I'd still bin him after that.

Don't. waste. time. with. a. liar!!!!!

FrenchFanciesYesPlease Fri 24-May-19 11:33:34

the way he sent me the ticket, I can't see when it was booked, it's just a picture of the code to pick up the ticket and the time the train left his station and got into Euston.

I think I'm in shock. You're all right - he's a liar. I just am astounded as I never thought he was like this. But he must be taking me for a fool thinking I would fall for him showing me a ticket that would have missed me at Euston by more than an hour!

What an idiot I've been sad

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