Can I Stop DDs mum moving away

[PapaMeerkat]

I am a father to DD who is 6.
I was never in a proper relationship with her mum and our relationship has been very up and down over the years. It was ok just after DD was born but then whenever I do/say something her mum doesn't like then she stops contact for a few weeks till I threaten to take her back to court and then we go back to normal again.

I am currently married and expecting a baby via a surrogate, and DD stays with us EOweekend and 3 evenings a week. I also pick her up and drop her off at an after school activity 1 day a week and I have her half the school holidays. I also take her any extra time her mum needs me to have her. Her mum is also married and DD has StepSisters.

When I picked up DD from school yesterday she was acting quiet at first I thought it was just the heat/tiredness but as the evening went on she was clingy and kept crying for no real reason. But when I tried to chat to her about it she would refuse to speak and sometimes she would start crying again. She took ages to settle to bed and then in the middle of the night she came crying into our bed and she took ages so settle which is something she hasn't done since she was a toddler.

Today she was exactly the same clingy and crying. After dinner I just sat with her and cuddled her for ages and reassured her that she could talk to me and eventually she blurted out that they are all moving to the other side of the country in the school holidays. That she wasn't supposed to know but her Ssisters told her and so she asked her mum who confirmed it but made her promise that she wouldn't tell me because I would be upset and it would make everyone cross. DD was then hysterical saying that she didn't want to go that she will miss me and DP and she will never see the new baby once they are born and she doesn't want to leave her grandparents etc and she got so upset she made herself sick so I calmed her down as best I could and I told her I would talk to her mum about it but that if they do move I will always be there for her and we will come and visit but she was still upset saying that she wants to live with us.

So once DD was calmed down I messaged her mum and she eventually confirmed that they are moving as her DP will have better work opportunities. She said that they have already made most of the arrangements and I will just have to visit when I can (It will would be roughly an 8 hour car ride there so we won't be able to pop over and visit her for the weekend).

I am devastated and I am trying to work out if there is someway I can stop this happening, for me and for DD. So I'm hoping someone might be able to help me because I don't know what to do next but I don't want to lose my DD. But then I don't know if legally I can stop them moving with her either.

[YoucancallmeVal]

You sound very lovely. I wish my dd's dad was as interested or involved. Get thee to s solicitor and get legal advice. I suspect you can't stop her moving but it may mean more access in holidays etc and ex p should be responsible for getting dd to you as she's the one making it impossible for regular contact. Get legal advice fast. Good luck.

[confusedscared2018]

You could get legal advice around a prohibited steps order. This would stop it from happening. As a parent with PR you get a legal say in things such as change of schools etc. You have quite a lot of contact so it will have a massive impact on your DD. Her mom is completely out of order not discussing this with you

[Pickleypickles]

I would get legal advice.

[PapaMeerkat]

I don't think her mum would want to bring DD to us, I don't know when exactly she was planning on telling us but I imagine she was going to leave it as late as possible so I didn't have time to try and do anything about it.
I am going to try and get legal advise tomorrow but I can't imagine they will realistically get back to me till Monday at the earliest

[Strawberry2017]

How awful to not discuss it with you or her own DD!
You can't just spring something like that on a child and she should be considering her relationship with you!
Go for advise and see what you can do.
Good luck! X

[Doyoumind]

Sorry to hear about this awful situation.

I agree with PPs that you need urgent and good legal advice. You can apply to stop this. How likely you are to succeed, I'm not sure.

The fact this was to be kept secret secret from DD and you won't look good but they probably knew that the further down the road they got with planning the more likely they would be to get away with it.

[YoucancallmeVal]

Whether she WANTS to or not may be immaterial. My xh moved a 4 hour drive away and both solicitors agreed (his and mine) that he had to be the one to transport her, as I had not moved or was blocking contact in any way, so he was advised that if it went to court he was to do the driving. Do get the advice; I hope it works out for you.

[RandomMess]

I too would get this to court for a prohibitive steps order you are very involved with your DDs day to day life and this will have a massive impact!

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Lovely to hear from a devoted dad like you, PapaMeerkat, and you're right, your DD needs you. Your Ex is being really selfish and it's so unfair on the child. I find it disturbing that at only 6, your DD has already worked out for herself all the bleak implications of this projected move. The relationship between her and her DM cannot be healthy. A child of 6 would not normally be thinking of such things.

Find a solicitor asap. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

[lifebegins50]

Are you in the Uk?

You could apply to court for a pso which will halt the move but then there will be hearings.
Your ex has the right to move but she needs to show realistic steps to ensure relationship with her father is maintained.

Is her dp's work the only reason? Any family connections in the new area?

Is it really 8 hours one way, if uk I assume its must be opposite ends of the country.

You have the right to know what plans are in place for school and contact..has this been confirmed?

[WidoWanky]

Are you named on the birth certificate? Doesnt having parental responsibility carry more weight?

[MrsBertBibby]

Are you in England /Wales?

Is she moving inside England /Wales, or will the move take her into another part of the UK?

[PapaMeerkat]

We are in the UK. Mums family all live round here but step dad might have family there I don't know though.
They haven't told me (or DD) what the plan is for school. The only thing her mum has said s that I will have to visit during he school holidays but I don't know how much time that realistically means.

I am named on the birth certificate and I have parental responsibility.

[PapaMeerkat]

I am in Wales and they are moving to Scotland.

[wejammin]

@papameerkat hi, I’m a family solicitor, you need to get into court urgently to prevent the move. Scotland is a different jurisdiction and if she moves and your daughter is then deemed habitually resident in Scotland you would have to issue all other proceedings eg for contact in Scotland and have a Scottish solicitor which can be a logistical nightmare

[confusedmomm]

Just wanted to say you sound like a lovely caring dad. Hope all works out

[RandomMess]

Do you have court ordered contact or just an agreement between you?

[Cricrichan]

That's awful. You're a very involved dad and it'll have big implications to your contact with dd. I hope you can stop them from moving op

[Pippylou]

Yep, just to reiterate Scotland is a totally different legal system. Just to give you an idea, go to the advice guide CAB do online & swap the country to Scotland.

They have probably planned to move in school holidays, so get to the solicitor asap.

[ElsieMc]

I am on the other side of this as a grandparent carer appointed by the courts. One of the childrens' father's is a violent, abusive nightmare. He has eow contact but leaves him with his parents. If I even considered this, I know he would make my life hell even if my reasons were genuine. I know that I could not and should not do this - she will as well op.

Do not delay and see a solicitor asap. The dad in our case abuses the system but you sound like court is always the last (not the first) resort and I am sorry to hear that your dd has such a caring, supportive dad who will be essentially sidelined.

You have a great deal of contact here as well. It is essentially 50-50 and I think this puts her in a precarious position. Whilst moving for good employment is fair enough, all blood family ties appear to be where you are at present and there is a large support network for your dd. You also appear to step in to help out when your ex wants extra childcare. The question here op is do you want to apply for residence? You need to think carefully.

[MrsBertBibby]

Actually, in the event of a non consensual move from one home jurisdiction to another, the original jurisdiction retains jurisdiction for 12 months, so proceedings would be in Wales.

But don't wait for that OP. If you can afford it, get a solicitor immediately. If you can't then go it alone.

You need to make an urgent application to the court for a prohibited steps order preventing her from changing your child's school or sending her to any other school, and for a Child Arrangements Order for your daughter to live with you if she still wants to go.

Ask for a without notice hearing to prevent her using the notice period to junk her school place. Talk to school first thing Monday to see what they know and clarify you don't want your daughter leaving.

C100 is the court form you need, plus a written statement explaining the situation.

Good luck.

[SandyY2K]

I'm hoping you get good legal advice and this move doesn't happen.

That's so very selfish of your wife and she hasn't considered your DD at all.

If you could find a lawyer that is good with father's rights...even better.
They fight like rottweilers...and really play hard.

That your DD is so upset about it and her mum tried to hide it will be in your favour.

Good luck.

[ElsieMc]

Great advice from MrsBertBibby. Dont be afraid to go it alone.

[PrettyLovely]

Your poor daughter! Your ex sounds really selfish, What a massive life change for your child and you werent even told.
8 hours away is very far, Get a solicitor asap.

[notenoughbottletonight]

Agree with some PP's - emergency prohibited steps order. Go to solicitor first thing Monday morning, you can stop this from happening but you need to move fast.