Brief history; found out recently H has been unfaithful for the last ten years with ten different OW. I realise this could be the tip of the iceberg and that there could be many others.
He works away a lot and says he meets them in hotel bar. He is 58. He is full of remorse, guilt, self disgust and regret. I am in pieces. He says there was no EA and it was just sex. I thought we were reasonably happy. I've been doing lots of reading to help me navigate through this horrendous time. I'm in shock. H has mentioned sex addiction but I've seen this term used a lot. Does anyone think it exists or is it just an excuse for reckless sex.
STD testing for me organised for end of month. Feel dirty and violated. I haven't kicked him out as I'm numb.
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Relationships
Is there such a thing as sex addiction? Or is it an excuse for having cake and eating it?
173 replies
Littledarlingdog · 22/02/2017 07:56
OP posts:
Kittencatkins123 ·
22/02/2017 08:14
The thing is it's never 'just sex.' (Not that that is acceptable either). There are so many points in the lead up to it - checking someone out, talking to them, making the first move, asking them back. At any point he could and should have thought 'No I'm married, what about Little'. But he didn't because his selfish desires were more important. If he was staying away he may have seen them over a course of days.
To me it sounds more like utterly selfish, out of sight out of mind, and I can easily get away with this behaviour than some kind of addiction.
From what I've read about sex addiction it's much less controlled and a constant, consistent compulsion to have sex with people (ie not every so often when abroad) - but you should read up.
How did you find out?
I'm so sorry OP 
Ellisandra ·
22/02/2017 08:16
And bottom line you're right - he did it because he wanted to.
My XH came out with all kinds of psycho-bullshit when his new GF caught him cheating with prostitutes (guess why I divorced him?). He only ever told me 'I don't know'. He told her it's because mummy spoiled him as a child 
Doesn't matter if he even has a reason that you could be sympathetic to (get ready for: my self esteem was really low, poor poor me). Bottom line, he chose to do it. It did not trouble him enough to seek any kind of therapy, addiction or otherwise.
I'm sorry you're going through this
Notapodling ·
22/02/2017 08:19
Yes, I think so. People get addicted to all sorts of things. However, while that might be a reason, it's not an excuse. He made the choice to sleep with those women, each time. Tbh, I'd find a single ea easier. You can understand how it can happen. 'Just sex' with multiple women isn't someone making a mistake, it means he's thought about it and knows what he's doing and risking. This would be a deal breaker for me, and was. :( I'm sorry you're going through this OP.
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