His ex is on my sofa right now...

[MotherBearAndBabyBear]

Hey.
So... either I'm batshit crazy and my pregnancy hormones are everywhere or I'm right in feeling hurt by the ongoings of this evening.

My partners ex from uni is staying tonight and tomorrow on my sofa and I cant shake this bad feeling in my gut. They were never serious and she dumped him after a month or two, but they were in university together and lived in the same house for 3 years and he's told me he's always had feelings for her and wished things didn't end between them.
This is the first time ive met her and she's spent all evening saying how much she hates kids (Ive got an 11 month old and pregnant with second) and how she never wants them and called us crazy and stupid for having kids!
Then he sat there agreeing with her saying his life is shit at the moment and parenting sucks!! -this is news to me...
Cherry on top he didn't/wont tell her I'm pregnant and now i feel really awkward about like he doesn't want this baby...
He spent all evening ignoring me and flirting with her in front of me, he was nicer to her than he's been to me in months, i was in the room with them playing a game while they were cuddled up together on the sofa flirting giggling and watching a film without me...
Am i mad for allowing this?
I went to bed early and left them to it at 11pm last night hoping to send a message I'm not ok with this... and he got into bed at 2am. He's sleeping next to me right now and she's on the sofa and I'm just seething quietly in bed,

Am i mad or is this okay behaviour?

[MaitlandGirl]

I'd be leaving tomorrow - taking my child and going home to my parents, is that something you could do?

That must have been such an upsetting thing to hear.

[MotherBearAndBabyBear]

Maitlandgirl- he told me about his feelings for her a year ago now so it wasn't a shock but i thought he would be past that so I agreed through gritted teeth to have her over since he basically begged me. I don't have anywhere to go if I leave my family are miles and miles away x

[MotherBearAndBabyBear]

I'm so angry he would say that about our home life, I love being a parent and I love my son more than anything in this world, I thought he felt the same.... not to even mention this little bundle of joy in my belly

[user1477282676]

You're not mad. He's just an arsehole and you're shocked.

When you wake up i the morning, woman up and go down to see her. Tell her to pack her bag and get out. Don't offer an explanation.

Then tell him he can fuck off. I would NEVER put up with that and nor should you. I was thinking it was "ok" for an ex to stay on the sofa but since he spent all evening disrespecting your relationship and your family AND flirting with her AND...the icing on the cake...telling you not to tell her you're pregnant! What the FUCK is that??

I would be seriously considering ending my relationship over something like this.

[MotherBearAndBabyBear]

Should I wake him up now and discuss it do you think or wait till shes gone later today and blow up at him?

[MozzarellaStick]

That's heartbreaking. Is there a reason she's staying with you or is it as a visit?
I'd be puking on both of their cornflakes in the morning and blaming morning sickness tempted to confront him when he wakes up but be civil about it and don't sound too angry or jealous (even though I'd be both) and see what he says make sure you let him know you're uncomfortable with their arrangement as anybody in their right mind would be. I can't imagine ended be happy if the shoe was on the other foot. I'd also be mentioning to her in passing that you're pregnant again if he's not willing to mention it to her.
Sorry I can't offer better help or advice.

[MotherBearAndBabyBear]

user1477282676
Phew- okay glad to know im not crazy, I feel like ending things with him over this but I couldnt tell if i was overreacting, he says I overreact a lot...

I think stern words need to be said. I'm sick of having to tiptoe around this twat.

[user1477282676]

Wait till she's gone. Don't give the rude cow the satidfaction of hearing an argument. Which by the sound of it, WILL happen.

Make sure you get her out at 6.00am or as soon as you are awake.

Just say "I want you to leave now." and then if she argues or questions, just say "Now. Pack your bag and get out" and keep repeating it.

If he defends her right to stay in your home, call the police...don't fuck about with this...and do not let him walk across you like this again.

[NiceFalafels]

I wouldn't discuss it. If they are properly flirting and being negative about your family, I would tell her to leave at 7am while he's asleep. Then tell him to leave when he wakes up.

[MotherBearAndBabyBear]

MozzarellaStick- she came to see other friends in the area for a night out on Saturday, came sunday morning hungover and stayed lastnight and shes leaving later today. That was the agreement. I'm going to be diplomatic about addressing this issue, he's got anger management problems and shoves the blame to everyone else

[NiceFalafels]

He doesn't sound very nice to you generally and has admitted he's got feelings for this woman. Maybe you need some time apart and he can reflect on what he wants. I'd be asking him to move out for a months seperation so he can figure out his feelings. You may or maynot have him back.

[Mindtrope]

I'd chuck her out now.

[NiceFalafels]

What do you mean she you say anger management issues?

I would not tolerate that behaviour ever. He sounds bloody awful.

Maybe you could take the kids and go stay with family.

[user1477282676]

Mind that's a good point actually. Why should poor OP be polite about this? Her partner and this awful woman weren't!

Are you scared of the idiot partner OP?

[Nicknameofawesome]

He is definitely the asshole here. His behaviour is disrespectful towards you and your DC and totally unacceptable. You are definitely not overreacting.

[Thisjustinno]

I think you seriously UNDER-reacted if you were sat there watching them cuddled up in YOUR home.

I'd punt them both out now.

[Shameandregret]

Get her up and get her out. They are both using you like a doormat. Both of them are utter cunts.

[Muppetslikecoco]

I'm wondering, when you say anger issues, you are afraid of confronting him? Why is this? Has he got a history of not taking things well?

I don't want to jump to conclusions but that doesn't sound quite right.

[Underthemoonlight]

I would be waking her up now and telling her to leave asp that she had disrespected you in your home. Why he would ask an ex to stay over is beyond me but to actively flirt in front of is taking the biscuit. Why could she not stay in a hotel or at her friends house? This sounds like it's been arranged on purpose with an agenda behind it.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Sod appeasing him and his anger management issues. It sounds as if he's got more issues than this. You're already trying to dampen his wrath. That's not normal behaviour and not something you should be putting up with or teaching your child.

He's acted disgustingly and so has she. Knowing what I do now, I would waken her and tell her to leave. If he then wakes up and runs after her, you'll have your answer of who he wants to be with even if you don't want it. I put up with shit from a bunch of dhs friends for years and let myself be treated very badly. They're gone now - gotten rid of more than 10 years ago. Dh and I had a very tense few months because of it but it was the right thing for me and for us.

Does he get physically aggressive?

[Jaynebxl]

How awful. Don't stand for it. Hope you can get rid of her soon. I'd go down now and take her a cup of coffee. I'd give her it with a big smile and say it's such a bummer that pregnancy affects your sleep so you had to get up, but dp really wanted another child. Then I'd say anyway now we're up you may as well get on your way.

Once she's gone I'd be having firm words with 'd' p.

[ChishandFips33]

Is it yours or a joint home?

I'd try an avoid a row if possible (for the sake of you and your children) - he's made his feelings clear, he has anger issues is a man child and I don't think you'll gain anything from it - he did this/disrespected you in front of you; you know enough so sounds like you would be better off without him.

I'm guessing there will be a reason she didn't get together with him longer term at uni - she lived with him for 3 yrs so will know what he's really like.

Use it as a golden opportunity to get him out

[Underthemoonlight]

Don't waste good coffee just tell her to get out

[siblingrevelryagain]

I'm just wondering if you should deal with him whilst she's still there-if he is any kind of threat to you you'd at least have back up and would he be less likely to get so angry if he cares about her opinion of him.