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Surely I can decide my own bedtime?!

(196 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

OliveOrTwist Tue 20-Sep-16 12:01:00

Last night, my OH announces that he is going to bed at 10pm. I say goodnight, and I'll be up later. 10pm is too early for me.

5 minutes later I hear 'OLIVEEEEEEEEE bathrooms free'. I ignore him. I don't need the bathroom so why do I care?

Me: 'I'm not tired yet. I'll be up in a bit'
He is quite clearly getting irate about this and has started name calling so I go up to keep him quiet, I think I'll read my kindle in bed.

When I get into bed I apparently took far too long coming upstairs, and I've ruined his early night confused He then moans at me for using my phone to set the alarm. I didn't even bother using my kindle after that.

So do you think I AIBU? I always assumed that people went to bed when they were ready but perhaps couples do coincide bedtimes and I am being a dick about this? I need your wisdom MN! smile

PikaPikaPikachu Tue 20-Sep-16 12:02:34

Yanbu! Me and DH have very different bedtimes. He's being a prick

BadToTheBone Tue 20-Sep-16 12:03:33

Sometimes we go to bed at the same time but that's coz we both want to go at that particular time. We're just as often alone downstairs, more common for dh to be up last but not always. I find it strange your dh is being such a baby.

Magicpaintbrush Tue 20-Sep-16 12:03:39

YANBU. You are a grown adult and you decide when you go to bed. Providing you don't disturb somebody who is already asleep when you go up, it's not up to anybody else to decide when you go to bed.

Canyouforgiveher Tue 20-Sep-16 12:04:19

*He is quite clearly getting irate about this and has started name calling so I go up to keep him quiet, I think I'll read my kindle in bed.

When I get into bed I apparently took far too long coming upstairs, and I've ruined his early night*

He sounds like a 3 year old who wants his mummy NOW!

No of course adults go to bed when they want to and not when someone else decides. Unless you have form for switching on the light and banging around the place 2 hours after he goes to bed, then you are not being unreasonable at all. I'd have ignored him.

bigbadbarry Tue 20-Sep-16 12:04:19

YANBU. My MIL tells FIL when it's bedtime and both DH and I find it bizarre. He can be halfway through watching something on TV but, no up he goes like a little lamb.
That said, we do usually go around the same time and one of us might read a bit. We don't tell each other to go to bed though.

Willow2016 Tue 20-Sep-16 12:11:59


You should have shouted up that "it may be YOUR bedtime but its not MINE"

Ask if he wants a teddy to keep him company if he needs someone there to enable him to have an early night!

Unless you are waking him up every night at 1am when you go to bed then whats the problem?

I dont go to bed early unless there is very good reason, about once a year if I am completely knackered or if I am ill or something! 10pm is way too early.

LetitiaCropleysCookbook Tue 20-Sep-16 12:12:00

My dh has an issue with me coming to bed two hours later than him, because he is as sensitive as the princess in the Princess and the Pea, and wakes at the least rustle, and then can't get back to sleep again for ages. He doesn't order me to come to bed, but he does get v v grumpy about being woken up. Maybe I'm being selfish?

KC225 Tue 20-Sep-16 12:14:11

Sound's like he was expecting a little more than a bit of shut eye.

We have different sleep patterns too, I think it's quite normal

TheSparrowhawk Tue 20-Sep-16 12:16:12

He started name calling???

pottymummy Tue 20-Sep-16 12:17:30

He is being a twat. DH often goes to bed not long after the boys (like 9.30pm) He needs more sleep than me. I have tons of stuff to do and can't waste time sleeping. I usually go up for a soak about 11pm, then go to bed between 11.30 and midnight. I'm always up first.

FunkyChunk Tue 20-Sep-16 12:18:30

DP and I usually go to bed at the same time because we like a chat and cuddle before we go to sleep.

Neither of us would order the other to go to bed though! Quite often I've said "I'm off to bed, are you coming?" If DP isn't ready he will tell me so and all that will happen is I'll say "OK goodnight!"

Definitely weird behaviour imo.

mishmash1979 Tue 20-Sep-16 12:18:37

Oh god it's like a re-run of every night in our house! Hubbie goes up for a shower at 9pm and then goes to sleep! If I stay downstairs he comes down at about 9.30 to ask what I am doing. If I go upstairs whilst he is in the shower and get ready for bed then get out a book he will TURN THE LIFHT OFF WHIKST I AM STILL READING as its bedtime and he needs to get up early! Arghhhhhh; I am a 6/7 hour a night sleeper whereas he is like s toddler and needs 10 hours. Apparently I am selfish!!!!

FunkyChunk Tue 20-Sep-16 12:19:24

From your DP, not you!

smallone Tue 20-Sep-16 12:19:25

I would assume he wanted sex, and got miffed because you were more interested in your phone/kindle

pictish Tue 20-Sep-16 12:19:45

He was calling you names?

JenLindleyShitMom Tue 20-Sep-16 12:21:28

Is this a sudden new behaviour?

Grumpyoldblonde Tue 20-Sep-16 12:21:42

name calling? What do you mean by this?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Tue 20-Sep-16 12:23:15

Olive it's bed time grin

TheMaddHugger Tue 20-Sep-16 12:23:21


Been married 30+ years, first thing I had to teach him is he ain't the boss of me and I ain't his Mother

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Tue 20-Sep-16 12:23:21

We only coincide about once a week, DH generally stays up later than me. I can't imagine going to bed earlier than I wanted too just because the other person was. YANBU.

Oysterbabe Tue 20-Sep-16 12:23:29

We pretty much always go at the same time but I wouldn't care if we didn't. He is BU.
Maybe he was hoping for some action?

TheMaddHugger Tue 20-Sep-16 12:24:17


arrrrghhwinehelpswithteens Tue 20-Sep-16 12:25:04

Er, I have something similar but from the other side - in that I'm the early bird and hubby the late one. But I only go down to chivvy him along if it gets to half 12 - 1am ish as he has to be up at 6.30 and he's one of those people that needs 10 hours a night and is a -bloody awful irritable sod- grumpy person if he doesn't get it. But I would never, ever chivvy him along at 10.30 unless I had other things in mind, and wouldn't call him names for not coming up!

BadToTheBone Tue 20-Sep-16 12:25:48

If he wanted sex then why not just say instead of name calling, great way of getting her in the mood, not! Lol

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