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When a married ex wants to meet up?

(171 Posts)
chickentikkasarnie Thu 03-Mar-16 09:14:04

Bit of a blast from the past, not seen for many years and was never a serious relationship. Have messaged here and there over FB but just very brief hellos and we're not really friends as such.

He wanted to meet for a drink and catch up and I just wanted to check there's nothing wrong with that is there?

I do go for drinks with married men sometimes but usually I know their wives /girlfriends and they are people I am close friends or colleagues with?

Getit Thu 03-Mar-16 09:15:33

You know it's wrong otherwise you wouldn't be seeking approval

Vixxfacee Thu 03-Mar-16 09:15:42

You know it's wrong and you're trying to convince yourself it's ok as you go out with FRIENDS who are married.
This is an ex who is married.I don't believe he has honourable intentions. Unless his wife knows and is happy with it.

Murphyslaw21 Thu 03-Mar-16 09:15:46

Personally I would think not to go. Be really nice but decline. He might be trying to rekindle . Do you want him as a friend? If not why go.

winkywinkola Thu 03-Mar-16 09:18:06

I wouldn't bother.

Move on.

Cabrinha Thu 03-Mar-16 09:19:34

Almost certainly suspicious.

Only time I'd think it was OK (maybe!) was if there was a reason during the sporadic email contact that we hadn't met up - e.g. if he lived many miles from me and happened to be in my town for work.

Why don't you post openly on his fb feed a picture of a local bar and say "if we do manage that drink - how about this place?"

If any part of you thinks that's causing trouble, or he wouldn't like it, you have your answer!

RiceCrispieTreats Thu 03-Mar-16 09:21:44

Why would you want to? You say yourself it was never a serious relationship and you're not actually friends. Save your time for people who are actually meaningful to you.

Shinyshoes2 Thu 03-Mar-16 09:22:46

Well I'm going against the grain and say that I don't think there's anything wrong with it .
He's asked for a drink and catch up
I'm assuming it's as innocent as it says
He might be gappily married and the last thing he's contemplating is an extra marital affair
I'd go
I wouldn't think twice if my DP was to do this

chickentikkasarnie Thu 03-Mar-16 09:24:29

No, honestly, I don't know it's wrong. I thought I was being completely paranoid.

He's someone I used to know and like and if he were a female or not married I'd not hesitate for a second to go for a quick drink and say "hi", so I wasn't sure if it was my head going off on a tangent. He's not flirty or anything.

AnyFucker Thu 03-Mar-16 09:24:39

Bad move.

If you thought it was OK, you wouldn't be asking. Tell him to bring his wife along, that'll be interesting.

chickentikkasarnie Thu 03-Mar-16 09:25:45

We have lived far away by the way until about a year ago, if we'd been in the same town I'd probably have seen him before!

Shinyshoes2 Thu 03-Mar-16 09:25:49

Ive often wondered what happened to one particular ex of mine
Did he eventually settle down
Did he ever have children
What he's doing with his life

chickentikkasarnie Thu 03-Mar-16 09:27:21

He was an ex for a few weeks as teenagers. No feelings to rekindle!

Shirkingfromhome Thu 03-Mar-16 09:29:36

You could test the water first with a bit of stalling and chat before hand. If he's looking for anything I think it would become pretty obvious. If he isn't then I'd probably go, but only if you both just wanted to be friends.

Binders1 Thu 03-Mar-16 09:29:46

If your DH turned around and said 'oh, I called an ex girlfriend from years ago to ask her out for a drink and we're going on Thursday' - would you honestly think that's ok?

Bet he hasn't had that conversation with his wife either.

Don't bother.

chickentikkasarnie Thu 03-Mar-16 09:32:19

I haven't had any vibe at all from him that he's looking for anything.

Being honest on the DH question it would depend on the woman and the situation. If she was some long lost love that would be one thing but I do go out with / see a lot of my ex boyfriends and it means nothing to me.

An ex of mine is coming next month with his new girlfriend for a visit, so I am pretty chilled with all this sort of thing but was just wondering if I was being naive and he'd not want to meet unless he had a reason.

Slowdecrease Thu 03-Mar-16 09:34:08

Nah he's probably looked you up on Facebook and fancies a bit. I wouldn't bother.

Slowdecrease Thu 03-Mar-16 09:35:57

I think a long lost love would be more understandable insofar as there's is some deep residual affection,,if not attraction. But no, he's just innocently dangling the rod to see if you'll take a casual bite. probably a bit bored.

nowyoucmo Thu 03-Mar-16 09:47:18


TheNaze73 Thu 03-Mar-16 09:52:01

Avoid like the plague. Whilst on the face of it, you are doing nothing wrong, he is. When I'm faced with a moral quandary like this, I would flip the situation & think how would I feel? If my partner was contacting ex's on FB, I wouldn't be happy. Some may say that's me being OTT but, you can't argue a feeling

chickentikkasarnie Thu 03-Mar-16 09:55:44

Hmm, ok. So I wasn't being paranoid then!

WeveGotAHomelessLove Thu 03-Mar-16 10:02:25

Whats the point of coming on here asking peoples opinions then arguing against them?

Do what the fuck you want your an adult!

Halftruth Thu 03-Mar-16 10:02:38

The naze 7 i agree. if i was his wife i would have a serious problem with this . do you think he might just be seeking thoose feeling of innocent lush again maybe ... He's proberly been listening to adele to much ..

Halftruth Thu 03-Mar-16 10:03:16


Offred Thu 03-Mar-16 18:37:18

If he was a guy you went out with for a few weeks as a teenager and who sporadically messages you on FB you don't even really know him so it is pointless trying to guess motivations.

TBH I would just not go. It is not worth the risk of him being a creep and he is unimportant to you if you never remained friends.

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