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For those of you who do online dating, what tips do you have and what have you learned

(316 Posts)
bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 10:03:48

From experience?

What are the signs a man is actually going to be worth your time?

Do you think a decent man should want to go out for dinner? I am in two minds about this. If it's a distaster you don't want to be stuck for hours. OTOH I think if someone suggests dinner it shows that they are more willing to make an effort to spend time talking, not getting drunk and increasing their chances of getting laid!

I would say avoid men with shirtless photos. I had one guy message me that he had been sleeping with his best friend's girlfriend while the friend was on holiday - how to make a good impression!

Blossomflowers Mon 14-Sep-15 10:17:49

I always meet for a drink only and then if there is a spark a nice meal on the next date. I avoid shirtless guys, men posing with drugged animals, pictured with their kids, anyone in sunglasses not prepared to show what they look like( have something to hide) and guys who state they are def not looking for a one night stand ( because they most likely are) But then I am a fussy bugger lol

bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 10:20:19

Drugged animals??

I don't think you're at all fussy by the way.

Granville72 Mon 14-Sep-15 10:23:53

Don't bother.

If you do give it a go, meet in a public place for just a drink the first time, first few times if you're a bit nervous or unsure you like him (it's easier to leave early from a drink rather than a meal etc.)

Tell a friend where you are going and who with, and text call them when you're heading home and when you get home safe and sound.

It can be very deflating on the old ego and self esteem as well, so try and have a thick skin if you're going to do it.

bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 10:26:10

Why is it deflating on self esteem though? You can be rejected in any circumstance where you meet someone, not just OD.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Mon 14-Sep-15 10:42:05

I didn't bother to reply to messages that were just "hi" or even worse "hi sexy"= instant delete & block. Any unclothed photos, photos of cars/fishing etc or bathroom mirror selfies (why???) also didn't bother with at all. If they couldn't find anything to message about other than my appearance, not interested either. If we could manage a decent conversation via messaging then I'd expect to meet up in real life pretty soon, drink/meal don't mind either way really. Sometimes it was a practical consideration, I work quite late and needed to eat at some point! Be proactive as well and send first messages to interesting looking people, at least 10 a day. Be chatting to lots of people at the same time, and go on as many dates as possible, it's a numbers game and you don't owe anyone anything. Don't take anything personally, ever. Have fun!

Just asked boyf if he had any tips (6 months in, online dating success so far) and he said "buyer beware" hmmhmm

Blossomflowers Mon 14-Sep-15 10:46:38

Oh yea, forgot to mention the ones proudly holding a fish, ffs. And yes you need to develop a skin of a Rhino, saying that is can be fun.

Blossomflowers Mon 14-Sep-15 10:47:20

Drugged animals such a a tiger.

ToGoBoldly Mon 14-Sep-15 10:49:15

I would absolutely not expect to go out for a meal for a first date. For one, it is not a marker of a decent guy, but that's a side issue really. What really matters is that it would be tortorous and a waste of money if it is terrible. Better to go for a coffee or a pint. I find dinners majorly awkward and high pressured, just drinks (boozy or not) is much more relaxed.

morecoffeethanhuman Mon 14-Sep-15 10:51:30

I internet date (when i can be bothered) known lots of ppl who've met lovely partners from ID.
Biggest tip is to take it all with a pinch of salt, if ur likely to get upset when a seemingly nice conversation either stops and ur ignored or turns odd - don't do it. If u can brush it off and Carry on then its a good way to chat to new ppl smile
My main rules:
*No shirtless pics
*No kids in pics
*Ignore any message than comments on physical appearance - "hi beautiful/sexy/gorgeous"
If someone can hold my attention to fancy meeting up I'm a picky cow I always stick to a coffee first. Pre date meet up really - can last 20mins or few hours, don't tie urself to a few hours or it can be awkward when they look nowt like their profile pic
And remember don't take first dates to seriously off a website, I look at it as I got out the house for a bit & every bad date is at least a good story ........and ive a bunch of them lol

morecoffeethanhuman Mon 14-Sep-15 10:52:57

Or car profile pic!!! I understand y.....unless their a transformer there should not be a vehicle as the first impression!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Mon 14-Sep-15 10:56:34

Other first dates I went on apart from drinks or dinners- art gallery, museum exhibitions, walks around historic sites, afternoon "coffee" (I don't do caffeine- but I can eat cake). What we did on a date was unimportant, just whatever suggestion to meet someone and spend a little time in real life to see if you could sustain a conversation!

My other tip was basically don't expect anything. Stay open minded.

LovelyFriend Mon 14-Sep-15 11:16:35

I would never go for dinner on a first date unless it was extremely informal.

I had a male friend who did lots of OLD - he use to take every woman out for a lovely dinner first date. he didn't even know these people. He'd spend money he couldn't really afford on buying dinner for someone he didn't know and then also be disappointed/felt like a failure if they didn't shag him afterwards. Dreadful!

Myself and his other roommates spent a lot of time explaining why this strategy sucked.

Best to go for quick meet up date first I think. Only if you really like each other go for dinner date around date 3.

Blossomflowers Mon 14-Sep-15 11:18:06

I was invited to a duck/Chicken sale at the weekend for a first date lol. Beat that

ToGoBoldly Mon 14-Sep-15 11:20:45

Ha, did you accept, Blossom?

bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 11:26:00

I think it's best to avoid men who say 'I used to be a player but now I'm looking for something more serious'. Amd especially 'I could have chosen not to tell you that but I'm so honest that I did' oh aren't you virtuous?!

bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 11:26:31

Oh and men who suggest 'a quiet one in' for a first date.

Blossomflowers Mon 14-Sep-15 11:26:42

I was busy sadly but told him thought it was really cute for asking.

ephemeralfairy Mon 14-Sep-15 11:27:28

Don't take it too seriously

Don't get too serious too soon

Be prepared for many disappearing acts (This is what I really struggled with.
This is why you need the thick skin!!)

Be aware that most men are messaging/chatting to/even dating other women whilst they are seeing you. (again with the thick skin)

Don't spend ages pushing messages back and forth, better to meet for a drink or coffee and then if no chemistry, move on!

Also, long messages can create a false sense of intimacy which can be disappointing when you meet in real life (or lead to ill-advised bedroom antics, a trap I fell into several times!)

Be prepared for a wide (and often hilarious) range of excuses as to why they can't see you again/why they don't want a relationship!

bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 11:29:55

It doesn't bother me if they are dating other people at the same time - I will be too! Haha

Whoknewitcouldbeso Mon 14-Sep-15 11:33:24

I was OLD for any years and you just know when you've hit on a normal person. They normally have a decent career, a long term relationship history and don't spend every weekend 'with the boys' or sky diving or wind walking.

bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 11:37:24

Actually I think another thing to steer clear of is men who when you ask them what their intention is they say they don't know.

bodenbiscuit Mon 14-Sep-15 11:43:10

grin whoknew

The most disastrous first date I ever went on was when I got there and the guy was drunk and he started telling me about the scars on his face which were caused by his ex. She apparently was currently serving time for this shock then he told me about his cocaine habit and that his dad had to give him £26k to get him out of debt!

I defy anyone to have a worse story than that grin

ToGoBoldly Mon 14-Sep-15 11:46:39

That is bad, boden.

I went on one with a guy who was coked off his face on the date. It was a Saturday afternoon. He had traces of it around his nose, and a big bogey hanging off his nostril as well. Grim.

niceupthedance Mon 14-Sep-15 11:56:41

develop a strategy for dealing with people who fuck you and then disappear. This is what I have struggled with most. I found staying quiet about it was worse so I tend to point out behaviour I think is poor, these days.

Don't meet up with anyone who doesn't make you laugh in their messages.

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