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Do men despise women.

(818 Posts)
Loomineer Mon 14-Jul-14 21:04:29

On another thread read comments about women not realising how much men despise them. It got me thinking how in my relationships I've looked back and thought god. They really despised me.

My best friend is in a relationship where to me her dp treats her like he despises her.

I am not a man hater by any means. I just wondered what other people thought.

newnamesamegame Mon 14-Jul-14 21:07:26

No I don't think men despise women. I've known hundreds of men who love women (and I mean love them for who they are, not just for sex) and many of them are my friends. I don't even think the really evil bastards always despite women.

But I do think a certain kind of entitled, abusive and insecure man who is in a relationship with a woman will tend, over time, to turn his self-hatred onto women and in particular to those to whom he is closest.

newnamesamegame Mon 14-Jul-14 21:07:51

despise women, not despite women.

warysara Mon 14-Jul-14 21:10:08

I think there is quite a lot to the very old statement of "familiarity breeds contempt".

I don't think men dislike women or vice versa, but in some instances the close proximity to someone over a prolonged period of time causes friction, hate, dislike etc.. irrespective of the gender of the other person.

GirlWithTheLionHeart Mon 14-Jul-14 21:11:30

A lot do. Why, though? That's what I've never figured out.

Jazzicatz Mon 14-Jul-14 21:15:02

I think many men do despise women. I think it's something that is. Indoctrinated into young boys from an early age. Girls are different, not to be understood or trusted. Those messages carry on into adulthood, it's hardly surprising if a man does dislike women with that level of brainwashing.

ThatBloodyWoman Mon 14-Jul-14 21:16:19

Some do, it can't be denied.

HumblePieMonster Mon 14-Jul-14 22:04:59

I know a man who 'loves' women. He loves them so much he has a wife, around half a dozen regular mistresses and countless random women for sex. He thinks that's fine because he's good at sex and they all enjoy it. He's convinced he isn't spreading disease. He thinks it would be ok if his daughters took up with a man like him as long as they got pleasure out of it.

I think his behaviour with women shows he despises them.

MamaMary Mon 14-Jul-14 22:06:06

I think a lot of men fear women. Which makes them despise them.

Joysmum Mon 14-Jul-14 22:06:09

Some men do, some women are anti men too.

Politelydeclining Mon 14-Jul-14 22:12:30

Oh dear that's an awful thought.

I've been very lucky my Grandfathers, Uncles and DH are all fine men. Kind, good gentlemen who though not perfect, treat their wives well and with love.

It makes me so sad how many women don't experience this.

frames Mon 14-Jul-14 22:14:35

Everyone wants it all their way all of the time. It's about selfishness, resentment, in a changing world.

hmc Mon 14-Jul-14 22:15:19

Some do, many don't - not sure how we could possibly quantify it. If I am honest, I can be a bit of a misandrist - which I am not proud of

MiniTheMinx Mon 14-Jul-14 23:18:25

Yes, I read the comment today on another thread in relationships.

Its a general and abstract term used more by radical feminists in analysing male violence against women.

AnyFucker Mon 14-Jul-14 23:22:51

I would not like to quantify it (as "some" or "many" or whatever), but yes, men as a class despise women as a class

Some individual men are batter at hiding it. Some individual men don't despise women at all. Sometimes it can be difficult to tell them apart, sometimes they make it plainer than the nose on their face.

AnyFucker Mon 14-Jul-14 23:24:20

The only individual men that I hate, are the ones who display hateful behaviour and attitudes (whether in plain view or in more subtle ways)

bumbleymummy Mon 14-Jul-14 23:25:36

I saw the comment on the other thread too and I rolled my eyes. Men do not despise women as a rule. Some men may despise some women just as some women despise some men. Blanket statements that suggest every man in the world is a woman hater are just ridiculous.

Loomineer Mon 14-Jul-14 23:29:53

I'm not surprised either really. I do feel some men despise women. I'd go so far as to say in my own life a lot of the men I know appear to.

But it doesn't surprise me with the sex industry and the media today. Sometimes I think wouldn't it be nice if men still courted women whereas nowadays most people in relationships I know met in a pub or got together on the first night. Myself included there before I come across as judgemental which I'm not meaning to be smile

I have sons and I would be very saddened to think they may despise women as adults.

I think I was just quite surprised to see someone post what I think but don't say because it may make me appear to be a man hater and I'm really not.

MiniTheMinx Mon 14-Jul-14 23:33:27

Reading your comment AF, has just made me contemplate how we perceive our own feelings. Its strange, anyone can say "I love" and claim to know they feel this, or not, whatever the case. Why then, if a man "despises" which of course is a feeling, why does it go unacknowledged, by themselves and others. Is it possible to tell that the outward behaviour denotes the inward feeling "despising" There is a huge disconnection between behaviour and the inward discourse of both subject and object. Of course the behaviour is naturalised because of patriarchy, so the act/behaviour perceived by us as "despising" is not recognised by those who display it or the object of it. Am I making sense [shakes head]!

AnyFucker Mon 14-Jul-14 23:34:46

It's ok to name it, Loomineer

Lots of women shy away from it, because it threatens their sense of safety in the world. Some of them even join in with it, because it can feel more reassuring to be a small fish in a large majority

when you put your head above the parapet, you can attract negative attention from those who want to keep the status quo of patriarchy and that doesn't feel nice

that's how I see it anyway...not a dig at anyone in particular

AnyFucker Mon 14-Jul-14 23:36:26

Mini, what you are describing is cognitive dissonance

bumbleymummy Mon 14-Jul-14 23:42:05

Riiiiiight. So it's not that you're wrong and men don't all hate women - It's just cognitive dissonance. hmm <heads back to thread about MN being a parallel universe>

MiniTheMinx Mon 14-Jul-14 23:43:47

Thanks AF
I'm sure some women shy away from recognising this because to do so creates a kind of disequilibrium. Lots of victims in many situations historically have sided with the oppressing class to win certain favour, to save themselves.

Loomineer Mon 14-Jul-14 23:50:48

Bumbley no one is saying all men. Some men has been used. Individual men has been used. But not all men.

My mum started working for a refuge. She admits after some of what she's seen and helped women deal with that it's hard to not become a man hater. I would think her job would clearly highlight how some men do despise women.

It's almost like some men view women as worthless. They treat them in ways they would never treat another man. Again from my observations of relationships and from my own.

bumbleymummy Tue 15-Jul-14 00:01:26

Men was used collectively in the other thread - "men despise women" and AF reckons that men as a class despise women as a class. I've said already that I would use the word some and that it applies in both directions IMO.

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