I've posted in Relationships in the hope that people will be supportive and not too harsh on me. I don't feel strong enough to field AIBU-style criticism.
I am SAHM to 2 young DC (age 2 and 3). No close family.
I have 2 undergrad degrees but no work experience what-so-ever. I cannot drive.
I have never lived alone (went from living with mum to living with DH).
DH recently lost his 62K job (failed his probation period) and is on 1 month 'garden leave'.
He's looking for a new job but warns me that he 'might need to contract away' (so live away from us).
I can't cope with the prospect of effectively being a single mum (I suffer from anxiety & depression). I don't think I could do the bulk of childcare on my own.
I feel at DH's mercy. We don't have a joint account (DH has always made silly excuses as to why we haven't got around to it).
Anything DH tells me I have to take as gospel because I don't have any other source of info. If he says he can't find a job in our area, I have to believe this - how would I know otherwise? I don't understand his industry (IT management). I feel ignorant and powerless.
I am slowly coming around to the idea of finding a job for myself but feel scared and incompetent, lacking in self-confidence. I have enrolled in a course at my local woman's centre for 'self confidence' and another for 'fighting anxiety and stress'. These courses begin after Easter.
I have also applied for a PhD scholarship (a very long shot) and will discover the outcome at the end of April.
Where do I go from here? I want to be independent and empowered but I feel scared and infantile. I need to take control of the situation (I crave control and my anxiety intensifies when I feel out of control).
Any suggestions most appreciated.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
In a terrible mess and need help
fedthefuckupnowwhat · 29/03/2014 15:19
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