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My boyfriend asks your moot - was my Facebook post 'grossly inappropriate'?

(265 Posts)
Fullyswindonian Sat 22-Mar-14 00:26:18

I have a small Facebook Friendlist consisting of 99% family and old school friends.

One of the people I don't actually know in real life was 'friended' for his similar views.

I recently read something that poignantly reminded me of him, so posted it on my Facebook Wall, but without direct reference to him. It could have easily applied to a small number of other people on my Friendlist, but he was the only one who chose to respond with comments.

My boyfriend considered it 'grossly inappropriate' as he believes the Facebook friend is interested in me, despite the fact we have no dialogue and certainly nothing even remotely smutty or off topic has occurred. He isn't attractive to me in any way, in fact I find him 'unattractive' in most ways.

I will admit however to a small degree of naievety as I mostly fail to intuit when a man is interested in me, I've been told.

At my boyfriend's suggestion, I put my Facebook post up here for your inspection and opinion.
I would genuinely like to know if my post was inappropriate/ disrespectful to my boyfriend.
My post was prefixed with something along the lines of 'just read a poem by one of my favourites and it reminded me of someone on my Friendlist who is also all these things'.

My boyfriend and I are both mid Forties, neither married nor cohabiting, and I am the only one wothout children from a previous relationship. He is universally considered genuine, kind and fair.


I praise you because
you are artist and scientist
in one. When I am somewhat
fearful of your power,
your ability to work miracles
with a set-square, I hear
you murmuring to yourself
in a notation Beethoven
dreamed of but never achieved.
You run off your scales of
rain water and sea water, play
the chords of the morning
and evening light, sculpture
with shadow, join together leaf
by leaf, when spring
comes, the stanzas of
an immense poem. You speak
all languages and none,
answering our most complex
prayers with the simplicity
of a flower, confronting
us, when we would domesticate you
to our uses, with the rioting
viruses under our lens.

~RS Thomas

Fullyswindonian Sat 22-Mar-14 00:28:18

Sorry, I am the only one with children that should read.
We don't have children together.

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 00:32:30

I would be very confused at this too. It'd oddly intimate. I would think it inappropriate too.

sesw Sat 22-Mar-14 00:32:30

It is a bit fulsome. Would be so begat surprised if dh posted that about someone else as it implies a degree of intimacy

TheTerribleBaroness Sat 22-Mar-14 00:33:29

I find that flirty and a come-on, especially if he had known it was intended for him. Sorry, but I'm with your boyfriend on this one. You don't post a poem like that for another man.

vikkik888 Sat 22-Mar-14 00:34:44

Agree with your bf, sorry.

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 00:34:54

And if that poem reflects how you feel about this 'friend' it suggest you feel more about him than you're admitting.

rundontwalk Sat 22-Mar-14 00:35:49

Agree totally with Nursey.

MrsRuffdiamond Sat 22-Mar-14 00:38:54

Well, it rather does sound as though you are somewhat in thrall to this 'friend', if the poem sums up what you think of him.

If my dh directed this poem at anyone other than me, I would be a bit confused, to say the least, and probably quite angry after I'd had time to stew about it!

Fullyswindonian Sat 22-Mar-14 00:39:04

It doesn't 'reflect how I feel' about my Facebook friend.

I have no feelings for him whatsoever.
I find him belligerent and physically unattractive

But it did remind me when reading it of the many talents he has, which I admire in a person.

Thankyou so far for your views.

CailinDana Sat 22-Mar-14 00:39:20

I'd be gutted if my dh posted that about someone other than me. It is a love poem ffs!

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 00:42:25

The more I read it the more I realise how deeply upset I'd be if my DP posted that to another woman.

In fact I'd possibly rethink our relationship.

OP don't you realise how deep that poem is?

I think you could do with apologising to your DP and try to explain. Although I wouldn't really buy the 'it reminds me of his many talents' line to be honest. Even that is a bit much.

BillyBanter Sat 22-Mar-14 00:46:10

What did the man comment?

I don't think I'd like it.

If it had been prefaced by 'love this poem' then I'd not think much of it but with the preface, I'd wonder what that was about and wonder what other people must be thinking.

GhettoPrincess001 Sat 22-Mar-14 00:49:27


Christ Jesus !

AnyFucker Sat 22-Mar-14 00:49:53

You sound like a right tool, tbh,, and you would be on your way to Dumpsville after putting some embarrassing shit like that out there for others to see

Fullyswindonian Sat 22-Mar-14 00:51:07

BillyBanter He commented 'That's lovely' and then 'You're very special.'

It was prefaced effectively by 'I love this poem'. I said that it reminded me of someone who was also an artist/scientist/linguist/etc and this was opportunity to surreptitiously post one of my favourite Welsh poets into everyone's Newsfeed.

I don't consider it a love poem in the slightest. If I had, I wouldn't have posted it. To me, it speaks of introspection and creativity. And that's the vein in which I posted it.

Magmar Sat 22-Mar-14 00:53:22

With your boyfriend OP. Really inappropriate.

BillyBanter Sat 22-Mar-14 00:55:30

No it was prefaced by you saying this very intimate poem reminded you of someone on your fb friend list.

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 00:56:30

'That's lovely' and then 'You're very special.'

And you're wondering why you're BF is annoyed?


Fullyswindonian Sat 22-Mar-14 00:56:58

Thanks, AF smile

I suppose as woth all poems it's subjective. I admit I should have considered that before posting it. It was posted anonymously without reference to this person, but having a slightly arrogant nature, he did immediately take it upon himself to own it.

Dirtybadger Sat 22-Mar-14 00:57:55

Barf. I wouldn't be pleased. "You're very special"? Nah wouldn't be on for me.

AnyFucker Sat 22-Mar-14 00:59:16

No problem smile . Are you dumped then ?

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 00:59:52

but having a slightly arrogant nature, he did immediately take it upon himself to own it

No, don't pass the blame onto him. You said it 'poignantly' reminded you of him

AnyFucker Sat 22-Mar-14 01:01:07

You put the poem on there for him. You wanted to attract his attention by doing so.

NurseyWursey Sat 22-Mar-14 01:04:14

OP don't take this the wrong way but you seem.. I can't describe it.. sort of detached in your posting style? And the fact you can't recognise how this could make someone feel.. Is there a reason for this or is this just how you are?

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