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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Not met friends/family, 1 year in...

271 replies

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:39

I've been with my boyfriend for a year on Jan 1st, and I've not yet met any of his friends or family. Does anyone else think this is weird or am I overreacting?

OP posts:

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horsetowater · 30/12/2013 01:41

Family - not weird, some people don't get on with their family or embarrassed about them but Friends, yes that's weird unless of course he hasn't got any.

If he is not in contact with his family you ought to know why by now.

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:42

He's very close with his family. He recently moved back home (he's 32) to save money to get his own place. I've been over to the house twice whilst they've been on holiday.

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PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 30/12/2013 01:46

Sorry, but that screams of him deliberately trying to keep you away from his family. Only my own opinion, but is he serious about the relationship? Does he see you as a 'keeper'?

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 01:49

I'm inclined to agree with you PleaseLetsGoToSleep. He's always talking about us moving in together but, I'm not sure how he sees me though, really.

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JeanSeberg · 30/12/2013 01:53

Yes it should be ringing alarm bells sorry.

PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 30/12/2013 01:54

How often do you see him? And where? I assume he always comes to your house?

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 02:04

I see him 3/4 days a week, I used to go over to the flat where he lived before he moved in with his parents (in November).
He now always comes over to my house. (Except a brief stint before Christmas due to his parents being on holiday... again! Lucky buggers!)

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JollySantersSelectionBox · 30/12/2013 02:16

Is he embarrassed by them?

I had a boyfriend who never seemed to want me to meet his mum. I picked him up one night and got a rude awakening at the door when she answered. She really didn't want him dating a white girl, and she really didn't pull any punches in letting me know.

All became clear after that, but we split up a few months later.

Phatal42 · 30/12/2013 02:18

Surely you would ask him why not?

ohfourfoxache · 30/12/2013 02:19

Sorry but this is a massive red flag. Are you sure he hasn't got a family already that he is trying to hide from you? Sorry to be so blunt but it sounds a bit dodgy

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 02:20

Oh goodness JollySantersSelectionBox I hope his parents aren't like that.

I think he thinks they're quite stuffy. My parents are younger and act like a pair of teenagers really! They're generally cool with stuff.
I'm wondering if perhaps because his are older and more "parenty" he's just a bit embarrassed. He did mention once that he gets uncomfortable around them, like he can't relax.
But I'm not sure why this would prevent a brief meeting, a coffee or something? I don't know.

His friends and parents know I exist, I'm just perplexed as to why I've never met anyone.

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RockinAroundTheXmasTreeHippy · 30/12/2013 02:20

Are you sure he's not married ??

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 02:20

ohfourfoxache nooo he doesn't! He's very much an unattached man. We have mutual friends and I know a lot of his history.

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MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 02:22

If he was married, he wouldn't live in a flat with his just best mate would he?
Unless he lived there 3/4 out of 7 days of the week then went home to his other family! Oh God maybe he's told them he works away!

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horsetowater · 30/12/2013 02:32

I think maybe you need to do some snooping MissBurrows.

Or just some plain old inviting yourself round.

FloraSpreadableMacDonald · 30/12/2013 02:33

As long as you're sure he's told them about you, I'd be inclined to think he's embarrassed by them in some way. You need to confront him. You don't need to be stressing about your relationship. Good luck OP.

JollySantersSelectionBox · 30/12/2013 02:35

Drop some stuff over at his one night, that he's "left" at yours.

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 02:36

Thanks everyone.
I know they know about me... I'd just really love to meet them, they sound like really interesting people!

It's frustrating. Every time I bring it up he just says "I'll sort something out", but never does.

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PleaseLetsGoToSleep · 30/12/2013 02:40

Yes, just insist on going to his place and see how it goes down. Maybe force the meeting.

horsetowater · 30/12/2013 02:44

It may be that they have high expectations of him and he is overly eager to please and is worried about their response to you.

Or it may be that he's a complete fraud with a double life and another wife?

zippey · 30/12/2013 02:47

That would send alarm bells to me as well. Are you sure he doesn't have another partner? Does his family actually know about you? Have you tales to him about meeting his family? Has he me your family and friends?

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 02:48

The double life theory seems quite impossible. His wife surely wouldn't allow him to sit on Facebook every night chatting to me. Or let him sleep away 3/4 nights a week.

He's either ashamed of them, or me.

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kickassangel · 30/12/2013 02:51

But what about friends? Have you never been out with a group for the evening?

MissBurrows · 30/12/2013 02:55

No. I've met his housemate (he was a friend of mine previously) and one or two we've bumped into in the street. No actual orchestrated meetings.

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JeanSeberg · 30/12/2013 09:25

Sounds like he sees you as a FWB and not a serious relationship. In your shoes I'd stop making it so easy for him, stop hosting all the dates and get him to put in a lot more effort.

Does he pay his way eg contribute towards food etc seeing as he's always at your place?

Flip

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