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Update on timetochangeforgood

(162 Posts)
Timetochangeforgood Sat 30-Jul-11 19:09:39

We did it!
Not last time - I let him worm his way back in again sad
This time we did it! We're in emergency accommodation tonight and tomorrow and go to register as homeless on Monday. DD has cabin fever and DS is teething but we're doing fine smile
Last night was the real turning point - he smacked DD, a tap on the leg only but it was enough. I told him never to do it again and he beat me up. Calmly put DD to bed, shut the door, smashed me over the head with the computer charger, twice. Pushed me over the sofa, hit me a few times held his hand over my mouth and then throttled me until I nearly blacked out.
After he did this, he went to bed. He got up 10 minutes later and told me
If I ever screamed like I did then, like i was being murdered, ever again, he would murder me. Told me I was the one who was scarring DD because of the screaming. Not him for hitting me. He said it all 'as someone who grew up in an environment like this'.
He said I have mental problems because I had to control things when I told him not to hit DD and asked if I ever stopped to think about my part in all this and if I realise it is my fault he does it.
He claims he thinks about the children but if he did he wouldn't do what he does in front of them.
So he thinks I have gone to stay with a relative for a break. I haven't. I've packed as much as I can, including birth certificates, passports, qualification certificates and here we are. In a flea pit guest house, waiting for Monday.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to post on my last thread - I could never have done it without you all.

Onwards and upwards! smile

thornrose Sat 30-Jul-11 19:13:24

I didn't see your last thread but just wanted to say bloody well done you! You should be so proud of yourself.

groak Sat 30-Jul-11 19:16:24

ditto above, i didn't recogniose your sign on as i'm a lurker, and stay away from threads that are waaay out of my depth, but wanted to say well done, you sound frankly a bloody amazing person, and i hope your path becomes a lot easier to tread smile

BellaBearisWideAwake Sat 30-Jul-11 19:16:24

I didn't see your thread but wanted to say good luck x

piratecat Sat 30-Jul-11 19:17:46

timetochange, i am so sorry you had such a dreadful night, my goodness.
i think i remember your previous threads?

I hope with all my heart that things turn out well for you. You brave woman.

keep us in the loop. how fucking dare he. x

Newbabynewmum Sat 30-Jul-11 19:17:57

Massive well done. Seriously. Your children will thank you so much one day when they're older and understand. X

neolara Sat 30-Jul-11 19:19:12

Bloody hell. Thank God you're out. He sounds a lunatic. Well done for getting out and away. Stay strong!

RickGhastley Sat 30-Jul-11 19:23:25

I am in awe of women who find the strength to do this.

You have done THE BEST thing for yourself and your children.

I hope that you get all the practicalities- money, house etc- sorted really quickly and don't you dare let that vile man anywhere near you ever again.

Good luck!!

Sausagesarenottheonlyfruit Sat 30-Jul-11 19:23:40

My heart is pounding in my throat just from reading your post.

So glad you're all out of that dreadful situation. What a horrific man he truly is.

ThereGoesTheFear Sat 30-Jul-11 19:30:49

What a brilliant, brave thing you have done for you and your DCs. They are lucky to have a mother who has taken them out if the clutches of a terrible terrible man.
Well done!!

neuroticmumof3 Sat 30-Jul-11 19:30:59

I'm so glad you've left. Have you any injuries? I hope you're ok. Have you considered reporting him to the police? Even if you don't want to do that you may want to visit a solicitor and take out an injunction so that he can't approach or contact you. You'll also need to see a solicitor about sorting out child contact that is safe for you and your children, probably in a contact centre by the sound of things. Well done for leaving.

HerHissyness Sat 30-Jul-11 19:32:25

Well done love! You are so brave, things may be tough at the moment, but you know that they WILL get better.

Staying where you were, clearly, you were at great risk. Please print off your OP and remind yourself of his actions and threats. Get advice and get an injunction. If you have marks and bruises, photograph them, go to your Doctor and get it on paper.

You are awesome love, again, well done!

RabbitPie Sat 30-Jul-11 19:34:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PollyLogos Sat 30-Jul-11 19:40:20

Well done for getting out!! I wish you loads of good times and happiness in the future. It's trite I know , but this is the beginning of the rest of your life!

Fenella1212 Sat 30-Jul-11 19:41:29

Well done Timeto, I remember your other thread and it was one of the scariest I have ever read. My very best wishes to you and your DC, hope everything continues to get better and better for you.

2cats2many Sat 30-Jul-11 19:43:33

Flippin' 'eck! You are incredibly brave. Well done for leaving that scumbag behind and best wishes for the next chapter of your life x

RandomMess Sat 30-Jul-11 19:46:47

well done, please report it to the police it will help you protect the dc in the future.

BelleDameSansMerci Sat 30-Jul-11 19:47:32

Well done. Really bloody well done. Are you ok? Did you get any medical attention?

Timetochangeforgood Sat 30-Jul-11 19:57:45

Thanks to everyone who's posted.

Original thread here

All my injuries this time are under my hair so can't take a picture. Fir some reason, when he strangles me it doesn't seem to leave any lasting marks, just makes my voice go hoarse (!) but I have taken pics of all my black eyes and redness from being strangled before and this time I have cuts in my mouth and blue lips where he pressed my mouth to keep me quiet.

I keep looking at the photos to remind me what he has done as, weird as it sounds, I still love the man I first met/the father of my children even though he's turned into this psycho. I love my children more, though and plan to be around while they're growing up!

I've never reported him to the police but did go to hospital with one of my injuries as it affected my eyesight for a while. I lied and said it was an accident but presumably they would understand why I did this if I ever took it further?
Am pretty scared at the moment and DD keeps asking to see daddy sad but I owe it to her and DS to stay strong.
Unfortunately DS has a medical condition that requires monitoring in hospital regularly and the specialists are the best in the country where we are now so I think I will have to stay where I am (ish) and for work too.
I'm really looking forward to a new start.
No more being accountable to him.
(the other day he hit me over the head with a mobile phone because I bought myself a new top for 12.99 - wasting money apparently - even though he went out and got pissed on 50 quid a couple of nights before that.)

I don't suppose it has hit home yet really and I feel quite numb. Haven't told anyone in real life yet so really appreciate your support on here smile

TidyDancer Sat 30-Jul-11 20:02:27

Oh I didn't see your previous threads, but I wanted to say a massive well done for how far you have come, and to wish you all the best in your new life. You and your DCs will be so much happier. smile

ChildofIsis Sat 30-Jul-11 20:06:58

I'm so proud of you!
I cried when I read your other thread and hoped that you'd be able to get out.
Well Done.

Please give yourself a huge pat on the back for being so brave.
Your family is on the road to recovery from this already.

fiestabelle Sat 30-Jul-11 20:07:15

Im a lurker really, but I just wanted to wish you and your DC the best of luck going forward, one day at a time and all that.

Becaroooo Sat 30-Jul-11 20:08:04

The very best of luck to you x

MsInterpret Sat 30-Jul-11 20:11:12

Well done timetochange! I think I lurked on your old thread and thought about you often so very pleased that you have made the move.

Stay strong!

Blu Sat 30-Jul-11 20:12:14

Good grief!
Thank goodness you are away from him. WEll done for that.
If you ever think he may change, just read back your original thread to yourself. he is not normal, her really isn't. To calmly put a child to bed and then attack you is chilling.

Be very very careful. He will try and track you down, he will do his best to find you. He may well turn up at the hospital if he knows when the appointments or the clinic times are. If I were you I would not keep any appointments at times he is aware of - change them! Is there anyone who will be writing to or phoning to his address with confirmation of appointments or anything?

If you are not in the U.K I wonder if you can still access the excellent advice on the Women's Aid website, or call them?

And why not start another thread, under a different name, not mentioning your circumstances, asking for advice abut where to get good treatment for your son? I know certain specialisms have their centres, but there may be a v short list of alternatives?

I'm sorry your DD is missing her Daddy, but you have so very definitley done the right thing by removing her from a situation where he takes cold blooded decisions to punish you for challenging him in hitting her.

Good luck - I hope you get good accommodtaion soon, but hold tight - however hard the next few weeks are nothing can be as bad as living with a man who beats ytou and strangles you, does it in front of your children, and then justifies it by saying it is your fault.

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