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Partner unsupportive and blaming me for my morning sickness

(73 Posts)
Athena1985 Mon 17-Aug-20 06:39:06

I’m really upset and annoyed and just wondering if anyone actually goes through this

I’m week 7 and been having morning sickness with nausea all day for the past week , it’s not that severe and I’m keeping food and fluid down

I’m feeling under a lot of pressure from my partner as he is telling me I don’t help myself and he’s sick of hearing about how I’ll I am , okay he suggested ginger biscuits and bought some apparently your supposed to have something fry before you get up but I wake up feeling sick to my stomach and the last thing I want to do is eat !

Not to mention the smells everything makes me ill, then I eat and drink enough through the day and because I don’t want my tea because I can’t stand the smell of anything he cooks I get told I’m “doing it for attention so everyone will run around after me “

I’m also absolutley exshausetd till I’m in bed at 8pm did I mention I work 40 hours a week , I walk through the door to be told off for not wanting to eat with him and not a cup of tea made for me and to be told that I need to get a grip when I’ve spent my day feeling like I’m going to throw up all day whilst at work and trying to provide for a child that’s arriving in 7 months

He’s telling me I should be taking anti sickness meds and I’m like I have a choice I don’t want to harm my baby and because I don’t do what he thinks I should he doesn’t want to hear me complain at all about how tiered I am , or how sick I am or that I’m falling asleep on him when it’s our night to spend time together which I only get the privelidged of spending 2 nights out of 7 with him because it’s perfectly
Okay to spend the other 5 on the PlayStation till 12 o clock at night isn’t it . I just find him really unloving and uncaring and when your pregnant and I decided he would be the perfect man for me I’m very much regretting this now because he doesn’t get how much psychological and emotional stress he’s putting on me for blaming me for something that isn’t my fault - I really am starting to resent him big time like it’s not bad enough being in pain, being sick and being exshausted and upset all the time

OP’s posts: |
Maincat Mon 17-Aug-20 06:53:40

Wow, he sounds thoroughly unpleasant. And I'm sorry to say pregnancy can be hard going so he needs to change his attitude! God knows what he will be like when the baby is actually here. You have my sympathy, just look after yourself and do whatever you need to do. The first trimester is utterly exhausting. X

GoshHashana Mon 17-Aug-20 07:05:49

What a prince among men. He needs to wise up fast if he's going to be a decent father.

LatteLover12 Mon 17-Aug-20 07:11:41

Jeez OP, he sounds like an arse. I'm 35 weeks now but those early days still haunt me!

I absolutely hated the sickness/nausea and, like you, was floored with exhaustion.

Your DP should be taking care if you & supporting you so you can rest not behaving as though you're exaggerating things. Is he usually like this when you're ill?

OnTheWheelOfLife Mon 17-Aug-20 07:17:17

Just a note about your sickness; I was sick throughout my entire pregnancy and had a couple of different anti-sickness meds, they won’t harm your baby. Being sick is hard, I couldn’t eat, threw up a lot and ended up getting ill because I wasn’t getting enough iron etc.

Go and see your GP to get something sorted. This is likely to go away on its own but sometimes it doesn’t and you can end up very ill.

As for your parameter, he is being a totally unsympathetic dick, and instead to think what he will be like as your progress and then when your baby arrives, he needs to be more understanding and you need to get to that point now.
But he is right about you getting help.

Ooooosh Mon 17-Aug-20 07:17:46

I was very much the same as you OP, felt sick all day and then as soon as I finished work I would get straight in bed to sleep! It’s exhausting growing a human and he is being an arse. This could last quite a few weeks yet (my morning sickness ended at 15 weeks) so he needs to get a grip and find some compassion. I would confront him about it now, tell him that it’s out of your control, you’re not doing it for attention and he needs to stop being a selfish arse. Tell him to read up about it if he’s doubting you that much! Sounds like he needs to do some research about pregnancy and labour.

Athena1985 Mon 17-Aug-20 07:18:06

He’s an ex armed forces soldier so his attitude is do everything you can to help yourself and quit moaning .

He doesn’t get we are not in the armed forces - I’m a pregnant woman and not everyone thinks the way he does

I feel like telling the midwife but I don’t want her to say it’s emotional abuse or whatever because quite honestly I don’t need the stress - I’m quite capable of protecting a baby from this to the point where I’m thinking about saving up and moving out because like you have Pointed out what is he going to be like when I’m busy running around after the baby

It’s like he’s getting jealous or pissed off that he isn’t coming first and deflecting saying I’m demanding attention when really he’s jealous he isn’t getting any . When I’m ill and it’s my turn to cook tea he has a go at me if I can’t stand to cook because it will make me throw up and then he says it’s my fault because I’m not eating the dry food before I get up and I’m not eating nutritious food to stop me being exshausted and I’m not taking painkillers and I’m thinking I could do all that and still be unwell

He tells me to get over myself when I’m unwell he’s an absolute arsehole

OP’s posts: |
OnTheWheelOfLife Mon 17-Aug-20 07:18:15

Partner and I dread. Too tired to type properly.

Athena1985 Mon 17-Aug-20 07:23:11

I have tried talking to him but he comes back with well I’ve been a father before so I know what I’m talking about - and I say have you been pregnant before ? And he says no - and then goes on to really upset me and is constantly comparing me to his ex wife - all women are the same through pregnancy he says and I’m like f**k off they’re not and quit comparing me to someone who is nothing to do with me , raising your child has nothing to do with our child - all babies are the same he infuriated me - I’m like no they’re not ! I hate him to the point where I just want to move out he has been so unsupportive it’s unreal- I had to have a word with him about coming to get the shopping with me because I couldn’t be lifting and he moans at that - yes we both work 40 hours a week but expects me to do it - he then said we have to get food ordered to the door now because he’s too tired but the amount of moaning he does constantly I get so mad because I think to myself how can you of all people complain about me ! I always put you first and not myself - he says I should be taking care of myself how can I when he is so effing demanding !

OP’s posts: |
ArtemisBean Mon 17-Aug-20 07:25:23

Good grief. Are you sure you want to be with someone like this? At first I wondered if he was just shockingly undereducated about pregnancy and children, but then you said he behaves like this when you're ill anyway. Strikes me you may well end up with two needy children to look after. Can you get any of his friends or family to stage an intervention and point out how unreasonable he's being? Someone whose opinion he might take seriously? You shouldn't bloody have to because he should have done his homework off his own bat, but it might give him the kick in the pants he needs to see what a knob he's being.

OnTheWheelOfLife Mon 17-Aug-20 07:28:20

I’ll be happy to write a message you can show him! I puked all the way through, damaged my oesophagus, has 7 different medications, some days I couldn’t be up for more than 10 minutes before I went back to was awful.

And there are people who have it much worse than me. Seriously what is he going to be like when you get into your third trimester and you’re uncomfortable and exhausted?

What’s he like as a father? Is he going to Help out with the baby?

Blueuggboots Mon 17-Aug-20 07:28:51

My exh was like this. Totally unsupportive. Refused to come to NCT classes with me because he knew it all having already had a child (who was 13 when I was pregnant).
We split when my son was 2.5. It was SHIT.
He started like this. Then I got blamed for our son sleeping because I chose to breastfeed.
Get out now and cut your losses. thanksthanks

TwilightPeace Mon 17-Aug-20 07:29:28

He sounds horrible and selfish. Does he care about your feelings at all?!

I’m sorry but men like this usually get worse when the baby arrives, speaking from experience.

Blueuggboots Mon 17-Aug-20 07:30:11

Edit - blamed for our son NOT sleeping.
Ps. He's not even seen his son since 6 months after we split and pays a tiny amount of child support,

Parfrey40 Mon 17-Aug-20 07:47:21

I’m so sorry OP. Have a look at ‘narcissist’ and see if he fits this behavior profile. If this is the case he is unlikely to change and will make you miserable. Sounds like he is incapable to giving you (or any one else for that matter) the respect and support you deserve. Life doesn’t stop throwing up challenges, so if this is a taster of how he supports you in difficult times, it’s not impressive and doesn’t bode well for the future. So sorry.

Hopefulhen Mon 17-Aug-20 07:51:41

I imagine this attitude is why he is not still with the mother of his first child/ren.
I couldn’t stay with a man who had treated me like this. What is the housing situation?

allfalldown47 Mon 17-Aug-20 07:53:13

And you're having a child with this horrible man?
I had the same as you, terrible nausea with no actual vomiting, it lasted my entire pregnancy and I couldn't have got through most days without dh.

You need to have a serious talk with him, how's he going to be when you're heavily pregnant and dealing with the many issues that brings? Or post birth, when you're sore, exhausted, emotional etc?
He sounds awful op sad

JulesCobb Mon 17-Aug-20 07:53:36

Christ, he sounds like an utter wanker.

How long have you been together and living together?
How old is his child with his ex wife?
How well does he provide for his child with his ex wife?
and how often is he responsible for the child? What sort of things does he do with her?

Tadpolesandfroglets Mon 17-Aug-20 07:59:49

It’s not going to get any better.

FippertyGibbett Mon 17-Aug-20 07:59:58

Wow, sounds like you need to get out while you can. It isn’t t going to get any better.
And you have my sympathies for the sickness, I remember it well x

MrsSSG Mon 17-Aug-20 08:03:45

He sounds abusive. A lot of abusive behaviour starts in pregnancy.

Morning sickness is very common. Some women's sickness is so bad they can't work and even end up in hospital. I'm sure he knows this. There are many other pregnancy ailments too, how would he cope with them? A difficult labour? What about when you're vulnerable and in pain after just giving birth? I doubt he suddenly be sympathetic then!

This is not normal behaviour. But you know this. He should be helping you and supporting you. I doubt it'll get better, it'll probably get worse, so I would LTB now, before you get to much further into the pregnancy.

Sorry OP flowers

Parfrey40 Mon 17-Aug-20 08:05:17

My dear friend was with a man like this. The criticism and ‘pull yourself together’ attitude never stopped through sleepless nights, mastitis, serious non- pregnancy related Illness which required hospital admission (!) and even when the child was sick he was critical about her taking him to the doctors. She put up with it for two years after DC was born and was a quivering mess by the time they split up. Fast forward and her son is now 4. She is in a wonderful relationship with a lovely man with two teenage daughters. She is back to her old self and happy again. Whatever happens there IS light at the end of the tunnel x

fmlfmlfmlfm Mon 17-Aug-20 08:06:54

Hi OP, I'm just about to hit week 7 so I'm getting the nausea too.

Men generally don't understand, I had an ex who used to have a go at me for not feeling hungry (as apposed to being just worried that I wasn't eating) and insisted I was doing it to lose weight so I didn't get fat 🤣

Personally I would take this as the difference between women and men.

Men like to fix things and don't generally listen to emotions like women (I'm generalising no offence to anyone)

As in. I've bought you a ginger biscuit and I'm trying to fix the problem. But you're not accepting my help so I can't do anything.

When realistically him helping is probably just being sympathetic and giving you a cuddle. Good luck! X

FairyLights2 Mon 17-Aug-20 08:09:14

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Was the pregnancy planned or unplanned? Perhaps he's acting this way because he's not ready for a baby - that's still no excuse for his behaviour but it's strange you thought he was the 'perfect' man until you became pregnant.

Unfortunately, he seems incredibly narrow-minded by only using his ex wife's experience as a reference point and is being emotionally abusive by judging you for having a different pregnancy experience. He also seems to be lacking empathy.

You and your unborn baby deserve so much better! You deserve love, respect and kindness. Is it possible for you to move in with family during this period? Do you have someone else who can take care of you?

JulesCobb Mon 17-Aug-20 08:12:17

Men generally don't understand

Bullshit and misogyny.

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