Partner unsupportive and blaming me for my morning sickness

[Athena1985]

I’m really upset and annoyed and just wondering if anyone actually goes through this

I’m week 7 and been having morning sickness with nausea all day for the past week , it’s not that severe and I’m keeping food and fluid down

I’m feeling under a lot of pressure from my partner as he is telling me I don’t help myself and he’s sick of hearing about how I’ll I am , okay he suggested ginger biscuits and bought some apparently your supposed to have something fry before you get up but I wake up feeling sick to my stomach and the last thing I want to do is eat !

Not to mention the smells everything makes me ill, then I eat and drink enough through the day and because I don’t want my tea because I can’t stand the smell of anything he cooks I get told I’m “doing it for attention so everyone will run around after me “

I’m also absolutley exshausetd till I’m in bed at 8pm did I mention I work 40 hours a week , I walk through the door to be told off for not wanting to eat with him and not a cup of tea made for me and to be told that I need to get a grip when I’ve spent my day feeling like I’m going to throw up all day whilst at work and trying to provide for a child that’s arriving in 7 months

He’s telling me I should be taking anti sickness meds and I’m like I have a choice I don’t want to harm my baby and because I don’t do what he thinks I should he doesn’t want to hear me complain at all about how tiered I am , or how sick I am or that I’m falling asleep on him when it’s our night to spend time together which I only get the privelidged of spending 2 nights out of 7 with him because it’s perfectly
Okay to spend the other 5 on the PlayStation till 12 o clock at night isn’t it . I just find him really unloving and uncaring and when your pregnant and I decided he would be the perfect man for me I’m very much regretting this now because he doesn’t get how much psychological and emotional stress he’s putting on me for blaming me for something that isn’t my fault - I really am starting to resent him big time like it’s not bad enough being in pain, being sick and being exshausted and upset all the time

[endofthelinefinally]

This man will never be a good husband and father. Never. He will only get worse.
I am sorry.

[maybemu]

He doesn't sounds very supportive at all. As a side note I would say the meds can really help and won't hurt the baby. It took me three different tablets and many many visits to the Dr but it did help in the end. I know the feeling to not want to eat because you feel so sick. Try and eat as much as you can tho cuz it does help. I lived on ready salted crisps when I was pregnant lol. Ginger biscuits are gross and did not help me at all 😂

[bokchoy]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Pregnancy is a time when you need your partners support even if they don't agree with the decisions you make regarding your health care.
I think it's very worrying that he is not supportive. I am 26 weeks pregnant and have basically "transitioned" from one pregnancy related problem to another. I've basically not had a break from being unwell.
And if that's your DP's attitude, you will have a difficult time during pregnancy and labour

[fmlfmlfmlfm]

I can't reply directly as on a phone.

To clarify my ex was a particularly unhelpful twat and one of his reasons for saying it was that I didn't want to put on weight when that couldn't have been further from the truth.

I was trying to say that this bloke clearly has no idea what it's like to be pregnant but clearly his opinion is - eat ginger biscuits and all is fine.

When we know that nothing can stop it if it's there.

I didn't mean to sound like I was sympathetic with her other half. He sounds like a tool.

I was saying I've been there. With an unsupportive ex partner. And I'm there now with feeling sick.

[Pobblebonk]

If he can't cope with you "demanding attention" now, what on earth is it going to be like with a baby?

[LillianBland]

@fmlfmlfmlfm

Hi OP, I'm just about to hit week 7 so I'm getting the nausea too.

Men generally don't understand, I had an ex who used to have a go at me for not feeling hungry (as apposed to being just worried that I wasn't eating) and insisted I was doing it to lose weight so I didn't get fat 🤣

Personally I would take this as the difference between women and men.

Men like to fix things and don't generally listen to emotions like women (I'm generalising no offence to anyone)

As in. I've bought you a ginger biscuit and I'm trying to fix the problem. But you're not accepting my help so I can't do anything.

When realistically him helping is probably just being sympathetic and giving you a cuddle. Good luck! X

I’m sorry you had an unsupportive partner/husband, but don’t let experience make you think that men generally don’t understand. You don’t need to be pregnant to understand someone feeling really ill and listening to them when they say they need support.

That’s like saying you have the right to be annoyed with someone complaining that their arthritis or other chronic illnesses/disability is causing them pain/illness. Not that I’m saying pregnancy is an illness, but that you don’t need to personally experience something to have sympathy and compassion.

Maybe a better example for me, is when I had horrendous periods, due to endometriosis and fibroids. My husband was always totally supportive and understanding, even though men can never have periods.

[Veterinari]

Why are you having a baby with this arsehole?

[Geekydeaky]

I dated someone who was in the military like that, could not have lived the rest of my life with him, definitely couldn’t have been pregnant with him. Best thing I did was end that relationship.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant now with my completely different loving partner. The 1st trimester is hard, very hard, its when your body is trying to adapt to all the changes! From the moment my feet hit the ground in the morning I felt like shit, made it downstairs only to throw up multiple times! Ate anything and ten minutes it was coming back up- mostly in the kitchen sink where my poor partner if home would sort it out. It was horrendous! You need someone supporting you not adding to your problems. I napped on the sofa and my partner cleaned everywhere, brought me drinks, cuddled me, basically just let me vegetate.
Don’t stay with someone horrible just because you love him and he’s occasionally nice- that was what I reasoned too and in the end you realise they aren’t worth it but you’ve wasted a lot of time and been seriously unhappy without realising.

[fmlfmlfmlfm]

You are right lillian,

I think I saw it that he's seeing it's as in someone is complaining they've got a headache, him saying take a paracetomal and them not taking it and complaining.

That's clearly not the way it is in the slightest. And he needs to be a bit sympathetic but sounds like his narrow mindedness is stopping him... I haven't read all of OP responses, it seems she may have added other behaviours... x so I'll shhhh

[ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore]

Suspect I know why his first partner kicked him to the kerb...

He sounds like a vile arsehole.

[JemimaTiggywinkle]

I’m 7 weeks pregnant and my nausea and exhaustion started about a week ago. I’m not actually throwing up, just feeling constantly sick.

My husband is really supportive and gives me sympathy and a cuddle when I start moaning (which I’m doing fairly incessantly). We share the cooking/shopping etc anyway, but he has been doing a bit more recently, with no complaints.

I’m not saying this to gloat - it’s to give a comparison of what the behaviour should be. You deserve to be treated like this too.

[blackcat86]

Please do listen to the previous posters. DH has history of being unsympathetic after a few days of something. He got annoyed I wouldn't eat takeout pizza 2 days after throat surgery. Shockingly when I was pregnant he was unsympathetic and 'coincidentally' had an IBS flare up when I was at about the stage you're at now so I was coming home running around after him because he couldn't eat and was on the sofa all day. When our poorly tiny baby was born and in special care it was all about how tired he was from driving despite me being post c section. It took couples and individual therapy as well as weeks of arguments to an improved point. Even then there are set backs. If you're not married and he just isn't getting it then i would seriously consider leaving. As others have said, it would be interesting to know why his previous relationship broke down and what his relationship with his child and their mother is like now.

[Scotinportugal]

Oh OP i really feel for you, the first trimester is without a doubt absolutely horrendous and exhausting!

I'm sorry your OH is behaving like this, I think you need to do some serious thinking about how he is and treats you in other aspects of your life. My ex was like this, his needs and wants came before anyone else's. Started small and escalated.

I'm just 25 weeks with my first and my first trimester was awful, I was sick constantly and when I wasn't throwing up I was too tired to move let alone cook or clean the house! My OH went to every supermarket in search of biscuits I could keep down, and filled mine and his cars with sick bags, buckets and wipes so I didn't have to think about it! I don't think he's exceptional in this behavior,it's how all men should care when their partner is ill or pregnant!

[Bettie2192]

@Athena1985 this is emotional abuse. Your partner sounds like my ex (never had a baby with him thank god but he was a sociopathic arsehole as well). Run run run away.

[cultkid]

I just wanted to let you know anti emetics won't harm your baby but stress and lack of nutrition will
Take the meds and you will feel better
Your dh is being a knob

[EveningReflection]

My partner is ex-military and also a gamer. He wasnt very supportive at the start of the pregnancy and had a similar "just get on with it" type attitude to my horrendous morning (all day) sickness. Over the course of the pregnancy, and now with my very visible bump, he's become a right softie and very protective of me and the baby. Perhaps it's just a period of adjustment?

[liquoricecravings]

@Athena1985 this sounds very stressful. In my first trimester I would come home from work and sleep straight away before even thinking about doing anything else. The feeling of sickness was constant and cooking made it feel far worse. I found that going out for meals was a way I could face eating as I hadn't spent time preparing it and being around the smell. I know it's a little strange to go out to eat now, but it might be worth trying if you're comfortable going to a restaurant. I also found drinking squash helped me drink more water. Usually I would never buy squash but I couldn't stand plain water for a while and this helped me to keep drinking.

As for your partner, he really needs to understand how the sickness and tiredness can be all consuming - especially when you're working. Do you have a close friend or family member you can share your happy news with? Now that the lockdown has eased slightly you might want to spend some time with someone who is more compassionate and will hopefully look after you by giving you some reassurance and space to rest.

My sickness stopped around week 13/14. I'd really encourage you to think about who else could support you.

[2020wish]

Sorry ur going through this. He’s totally out of order and not the type of man I would be with regardless of being pregnant to him. (I left me daughters father for similar behaviour and believe it they do not change. And I was so happy after I left)

Bin him off and get support from family and friends... he sounds like more of a hindrance than help. I’m 8 weeks now and so I’ll and tired and I’m shielding from work so doing morning all day while my partner works 10hr shifts and he’s still coming home to do all the household stuff I would usually be doing and looking after me. This man is not the experience u want to have to with ur first born. Xx

[2020wish]

So doing nothing all day *

[latulipe]

He sounds awful.

[EveningReflection]

I feel like people on here are very quick to condemn other peoples relationships. Your hearing the worst bits of someones situation, at a time of frustration and emotional termoil. A lot of men are incredibly clueless about pregnancy, and its hard for them to really understand. In the military, people are conditioned to push through adversity and it's not always easy to adjust back to civilian life and show a softer side.

[EveningReflection]

A lot of people, men in particular, struggle to hear about things that they cannot fix. He doesnt want you to be sick, but theres nothing he can do to solve it. It makes him feel frustrated and useless and he handles it badly and takes it out on you (my partner is the same sometimes and he knows it's something he needs to work on).

No one wants to take meds in pregnancy, but if it's impacting your life, then it may be better to let go of that guilt. Your sickness could go on for a long time and have a severe impact on your day to day life. I'm over 24 weeks and still on anti-sickness meds. At first I was a martyr and didnt take them and was ill in bed for weeks as a result. I now use a half max dose (2 tablets at night) of Xonvea which is licensed for use during pregnancy, for morning sickness. Most the others are tecnically not really supposed to be used during pregnancy. My GP had never heard of Xonvea, but I found it on the NHS website by researching.

Look at your options because an unwell and unhappy mum may also have an effect on your baby x