Having sex in the same room as dds................heeeeeeelp

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

Brief history...

I split with Dh 7 months ago, he is in a one bed premises, he has a girlfriend.

My dds spend 3 nights a week with him.
He has a double bed and a set of bunkbeds in the bedroom.
My ex is having sex with his gf while the dds are hopefully asleep.
DD2 discovered a used condom this am.
DDs are not happy with situation...have talked to him.

I have just spoken to him...apparently i am not being 'grown up' about it.

I feel sick, i have step daughters and respected their privacy at all times...
and now i'm going to rant...
feck i need a smoke...and i'm giving up....

hmmm...anyhoo....heeelp

[HairyMuff]

How old are your DD's, old enough to be aware?

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

9 and 10, they are pretty wise... dd1 says she's scared of waking up and catching them 'at it'!

[Meglet]

[Shock] that is deeply inappropriate! I really don't know what to suggest except giving him a lecture on common sense and decency.

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

Thankyou!

[HairyMuff]

Oh god well thats awful.

He needs to abstain or do it in the lounge very quietly once they are asleep.

I'm not surprised that are not happy. Have they spoken to him themselves about it? Might hit home more coming from them.

[Meglet]

Actually, as they're quite old it's just plain wrong.

[FannyJo]

Very inappropriate. If they really cant wait then he needs to make sure they sleep in the living room on a sofa bed while the girls have the bedroom.
If he refuses then I wouldnt let the girls stay there until he grows up tbh

[Nabster]

I assumed you meant tiny babies and was saying it was okay, but no way with preteens. I wouldn't let them go if she is there. Can't he shag her on the other 4 nights?

[magnolia74]

I'm sorry but I wouldn't let my children be exposed to that Either they bloody wait ubtil the nights they are alone or they sleep in the front room on a sofabed ore something!

[HumphreyCobbler]

He said YOU are not being "grown up"
Ffs.
It is so wrong.

[littleducks]

Is it a stuDIO?

Wouldnt it be better for dd/ exdh to sleep in the living room or something when theyu are over after this?

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

Thankyou!
Thankyou!
Thankyou!

[Disenchanted3]

Sorry thats totally inappropriate..
A- becuae they are 10 *9 and fully aware

And B - becuase it is with his new GF.

Me and DH do it with DD in the room, but she is 3 months old, if any of our boys (4&2) are in the bed asleep we go on the landing!!

I wouldn't allow them to stay again until he promises not to!

Its only 1 night FFS!

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

Her 15 year old son is sleeping in the lounge!

I'm so [shocked] at his attitude

[Lulumama]

that is deeply, deeply inappropriate, could he not manage withoiut for one night?
at 9 & 10, they are going to have a fairly good idea their dad is not tickling/wrestling/play figthing.

what a moron

[CarGirl]

yuck yuck yuck

not appropriate especially as they are unhappy about it!

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

I am letting dds know how you all feel...so theat they can see it is not just us feeling like this!

I think...he thinks i'm just being a pain!

[JustKeepSwimming]

moron, idiot, tosser, etc. etc.

you are right, he is wrong, very wrong about this.

your poor dds even having to be aware that is has happened when they've been asleep in the same room, but waking up and finding them 'at it' is awful.

truly awful

stop their visits until he grows up.

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

My dds have agreed not to stay there if ex and gf continue with them in the room.

We will talk to him before monday.

He is intimidating.

[JustKeepSwimming]

Do you have anyone that could be an intermediary? like a legal-type person from setting up family visits/contact time (sorry not up with jargon).
maybe coming from someone else would have more of an impact?
what about his parents/friends? are you friendly enough with any of them to get them to express their disgust to him?

[Nabster]

This is just not right

[BitOfFun]

I don't think overnight visits are appropriate if they are the living arrangements. It is serious overcrowding for a start and disrespectful of developing girls' need for privacy. I would speak to your solicitor and apply for some alternative contact arrangements. I can't see SS approving either- this could be considered abusive. Exposing children to porn is part of the definition of sexual abuse, so the live show is likely to be frowned on tbh.

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

Thanks..am going to speak to sil i think,
his parents wouldn't want to know!

thanks all, i have to go now,..but really, thankyou.

I hope to pop back and let you know if he sees sense!

[namechangedbutaregularmnetter]

x posted. Thankyou.

[solidgoldbrass]

It's very, very inappropriate behaviour and massively different to the common scenario of DC walking in on shagging parents by accident (in case he tries to suggest that other people's DC have seen their parents having sex and not been damaged by it).
I think you could quite probably threaten him with social services over this. Even if it is just that he is stupid and selfish and thinks his needs matter more than his DC's feelings (which is the most likely explanation), you could try to scare him with the suggestion that some people would say that this behaviour is kind of grooming, and people who heard about him doing it might think he's a bit of a peedafil? Again, not saying he is - he's just being selfish - but telling him that people might think he is should make him behave more sensibly.