This is my first time starting a thread, so apologies in advance if it should be on a different section of the site.
We lost our baby at 37 weeks just over a week ago. I am so heartbroken, and don't think we can ever replace our beautiful baby boy, but this would have been our first child and I'm aching for a child in a way I am struggling to explain. I wrote about what happened in detail in this thread. It is probably triggering, but essentially had a mostly peaceful happy pregnancy, and then suddenly went into labour at 37 weeks, and they couldn't find a heartbeat.
I don't think there was anything the hospital or we could have done differently, but I still feel so scared and stressed out at the prospect of going back to the NHS. During the night while labouring I was in tremendous pain (clearly I thought I'd be able to handle labour pain, and I couldn't), but was scared to go in because I thought we'd get turned back. As we had the previous night when we went in after the waters broke and I was 1 cm dilated. Looking back, I was in some serious pain then but perhaps because I'm the sort of person who tries hard not to make a scene they didn't realise how much pain I was in? Anyway, I don't think any of this would have helped my perfect little angel; he was in the 6th centile of weight when he finally came out, and we'd had indications that growth might be an issue given my low PAPP-A etc (although we had repeated growth scans and he just cleared the threshold for worry on each IYSWIM).
Sorry for rambling and thank you if you got this far.
If you've had or know someone who's had a similar experience and gone on to have other successful pregnancies I'd love to hear your stories. I'm very keen to try again as soon as I physically can and would love some hopeful advice.
Physically I had a "normal" vaginal delivery without an epidural and have a few 2nd degree tears that are healing fine. I was overweight the last time we got pregnant, so now keen to also bring my weight and BMI to within the healthy range before we try. And want to hear back from the postmortem to see if there is anything else that we could do for next time.
Also, affording private care will be a massive stretch. But I'm also feeling so irrationally emotional about dealing with midwives and feeling like an anonymous blob on the NHS. I've heard you'd get moved onto consultant-care after something like this and that is a very different experience. If anyone can talk about that it would be helpful as well.
And thanks again for reading this far. Even just getting all my fears and thoughts out onto a screen feels slightly cathartic.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Stillbirth at 37w, looking for some hopeful stories
70 replies
Bisquick · 07/02/2017 17:12
OP posts:
Kittymum03 ·
07/02/2017 17:30
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