Crying over school closures

[Fuckallofthis]

Firstly I don’t want an argument or masses of people piling in with ‘think of the teachers’ or their vulnerable people. I fully understand WHY schools can’t/won’t open, I’m just so so upset about it all.

The idea of continuing like this. Working, homeschooling a young child and having a toddler. It’s just impossible. I saw the news about the return being delayed and burst into tears, am currently in the bathroom trying to compose myself for my families sake.

I’m struggling so much, I’m just so tired. I’m failing at home school and had a call yesterday letting me know that I have to send his work back by the end of the day, my toddler is just left to be entertained by the TV and my own work is slacking.

I can’t escape the feeling that when this is over I’m going to be left unemployed, with a stunted toddler and a child very behind in his learning.

What do you prioritise, how can you decide which person/thing is most important? I never thought I’d choose work over children but how else will I pay the bills. This feels like it’s never going to end and I just can’t cope.

It’s just impossible. I can’t be furloughed, school and pre school won’t take the kids and DH is out all day. I feel like I’m drowning.

[Fizzgigg]

If you work full time and so does your DH can he take any time off or seek a temporary flex working arrangement to give you a day or two to work? Is there more he could do (but just isn't)?

It's so shit though and totally understand how you feel. Cry it out for sure - you won't be alone and it's better than keeping it all in.

Not sure what gives. Sounds like your kids are really young so really really don't worry about them being behind. Kids that age are sponges and will easily catch up. Prioritise keeping them safe and fed, then getting enough work done to keep your job and then a bit of reading with your kids at some point (reading to them or a tiny bit of the older one reading if they can). The rest they'll make up.

[CruCru]

Hey, I understand. It’s been a really long day and it’s only half two.

When you say that you have to send your child’s work in by the end of the day, when is this? Because if it is 4pm (or similar), the school need to be told that is unreasonable. Parents are going to still be on conference calls (or whatever they do) until the end of the working day. Suggest to the school that a deadline of 9am the following morning is more sensible.

Don’t worry about the toddler watching too much telly. This is only for now, it isn’t for forever.

Make sure you all go outside during daylight for at least ten minutes a day.

[NotGenerationAlpha]

If you are working from home, the toddler can still go to nursery? Where did he go before?

[Delatron]

It’s so hard. I think you need to prioritise your job.

Our school have said to do what we can and not get stressed. I can’t believe they called you. I would be telling them you’ll submit what you can each day but you have a full time job and a toddler.

Can you tag team with your DP? I’d he’s around/ at home.

So one person gets up and works say 6-9. Then does homeschool/toddler from 9-11. BBC bite size 11-2. You both work. The other does a 2-3.30 shift?

[Ilovemyhairbeingstroked]

I wouldn’t worry - send what work you can it, other than that what can the school do ? They can’t punish you. Most schools should be understanding about this though , I would send an email explaining you work and that you will try your hardest but it may not always be possible .

[Delatron]

Sorry just saw your DH is out all day. That’s so hard. Just think. One more month. Prioritise your job, get some basic school work done, bit of fresh air each day.

[Porcupineintherough]

Can your dh take a day a week's holiday for the next few weeks to give you a break? For homeschooling, do the minimum, esp for a young child. Your dh can upload it after work, or at the weekend. Tell the school you need flexible deadlines.

It is hard, really hard. You are attempting the impossible.

[trevthecat]

Try not to worry. Most kids are the same. My two are older but certainly not learning like they should be. My youngest is still at nursery. But I am struggling with work slacking, partner can't work from home, uni work and home schooling. Schools will make know that most children will not be at the expected level. They have had about 10 weeks in school since march. Don't be hard on yourself, many of us feel the same and we are doing the best we can

[AppleKatie]

First things first the school can ask for things to be sent that same day all they like- but take it from a teacher you are definitely not the only one not sending it in. Work out a timetable of what you can realistically send in when and do that- don’t attempt to do everything you cannot.

Let go of the tv guilt- this is the best babysitter you have at the moment and it will have to do.

Prioritise keeping your job, the most damaging thing to your children in all this is you not being able to pay the bills. At the moment you can so that is the priority.

[hahaboink]

I know not everyone can afford it but you are able to have childcare in the home and even if it was just a few hours a week, could you pay someone to look after the kids to give them more attention from another adult and give you a break.

[Lucieintheskye]

Step back from the situation and rationalise it. Your toddler will be fine. Children have been brought up in much worse situations and as long as they have toys and cbeebies (which is much more educational and worthwhile now) they will be fine.

How old is your eldest? Speak to their class teacher and say you're juggling 2 kids and WFH. Explain that the work will be done but it needs to fit your schedule or it won't get done at all and tell them you'll hand it in when it's done. They cannot punish you or your child for not having the work done, the only reason they have to push for it to be done is to keep the kids safe but as long as your child is doing some work when they can, they'll be okay.

Keep work fun, set aside 10 minutes to do an activity with them and then let them play for a bit. Do short intervals of work with big play gaps in the middle. Reward their concentration with TV time or a treat (hot chocolates or snacks are simple but effective). If they don't want to work, sort out a basket of things for them including some colouring pages (I'm assuming they're primary school age), some stickers and slip in a worksheet or 2. Make it seem as though their school work is actually a fun game you've given them.

Your kids will not be developmentally delayed. Both will be absolutely fine. Children learn through play so even if they're watching TV whilst playing with toys, they're learning.

Prioritise your job, your children will not suffer because of this. They manage to go through the summer holidays without losing their brains, they can manage a few more weeks with minimal school work too.

You're doing great, don't beat yourself up over this.

[RadioPlatform]

I feel for you. I do think there is a lack of understanding in schools that people are in this situation. I feel that there is an assumption that anyone in this situation a) is furloughed or b) is a key worker and sends their child to school. Definitely explain the situation to school

[StacySoloman]

It’s really hard and totally understandable to be upset.
Get your toddler into childcare - if the preschool is shut then how about a childminder? Or another nursery?

How old is your older child? If under 7 then just prioritise the basics - could you and your DH do half an hour or an hour each a day? Plus some reading.
If you can’t do everything the school send then don’t, just do maths and English.

[Ponypizzy]

OP your child will absolutely not be stunted please don’t worry. As others have said there are lots in a similar position and schools will adapt accordingly for months if not years to come to help everyone. If you just read stories and books it’s the best thing for small children even if it’s bedtime stories. Staying calm and looking after your health and energy is important for all of you. I really feel for everyone with school children and teachers. It’s shit all round. My DD is battling her GCSE year my DS missed his last year. I think home schooling though must be exhausting balancing it with work. Maybe speak to school. Good luck sending positive vibes to you and everyone feeling it today.

[SophieB100]

I know it's hard OP, but you need to really try and take control here. First of all, the kids...so little one is sat in front of TV, not ideal, but not end of the world, and it won't be forever.
Secondly, the school...right, so you make sure that your DC can do a manageable amount of work, prioritise literacy and numeracy. A good school will understand the limitations placed upon carers/parents. Don't be bullied by the school - and don't put yourself under pressure to do more than is achievable. I'm a teacher, and a mum, but my kids are now adults. I know, for a fact, that if mine were little, they wouldn't be able to all access and do all the work all the time. It's real life - not unrealistic expectations that kids do the same at home as the would at school. Turn in the work that is done, arrange for a certain amount of time to be done on the work set, and stick to it.
Get outside when you can - all of you.
Take the pressure off and don't be so hard on yourself.
This will pass - it's hard enough without setting yourself impossible targets.
Take care

[Frouby]

Phone school and ask them how they expect you to homeschool 1, look after a toddler and work. Tell then your child can not access the curriculum because you are working. Leave the ball in their court. It's impossible and you need to work. Your child won't be behind, if I going to do anything with your school aged child I would do 10 mins of reading at bedtime and then maybe an hour Saturday morning and half an hour in the evening and maybe another hour on Sunday. Concentrate on maths and English and reading. Tell the school you will send work in on a Sunday evening and not to expect or hassle you further. And tell them to contact your husband if they have any more questions because he is a parent too, and you are doing your share of parenting keepthem alive and fed monday to friday.

They either accept that or offer a place.

[MessAllOver]

How old is your child? I'd tell school that from now on you will be following your own home ed programme based on the work they've sent but you won't be submitting any work. Do reading in the morning, take the kids for a long walk at lunch and maths in the bath at night for 15 minutes. That's all. Then try to catch up at the weekend.

[SquishySquirmy]

I'm sorry.
With regards to the school work, email and explain that you cannot get every piece of work in before 4 every day and explain why.

Prioritise the most essential schoolwork, and make sure to engage at least once every day (our school do a "registration question" for the kids to answer every day that takes 1 minute max, not sure what it is like in other schools). That way there is some record of daily engagement for the school's safeguarding.

But beyond that, the school will have to accept that you can't meet every expectation- what are they going to do, put you on the naughty step?

Please be kind to yourself, it's so hard for working parents at the moment and you're doing your best.

[Leodot]

Hi @Fuckallofthis that sounds really hard. ❤️ I echo the advice to speak to the school. I’m an EYFS teacher and have had a few conversations with parents recently about this. Any decent school will not place demands on you if you are honest about your situation. As teachers we all know there is going to be significant work to do after lockdown and that children will be behind either academically, socially or both. It’s inevitable.

If you tell the school the truth they can help you work out how to manage it. It’s unlikely to result in a place being offered though. My school have had to explain this recently to a few parents and it’s awful but we are just over 50% full and they don’t meet the criteria.

However, your child’s teacher should be able to offer some advice on what to prioritise out of the work being set and help you work out what is achievable for you and your child. I’ve gone through our weekly timetable and work load with parents and said ideally you need to do X, if you can do Y that would be great, don’t worry about doing Z. That way I’m giving parents an idea of what to prioritise for their child when they have time and what they can afford to let go of when they don’t. Obviously if they can’t do X, Y or Z then that’s fine too and I’m not going to hassle them as keeping everyone sane and happy is far more important.

Teachers aren’t mind readers and we don’t know everybody’s situations. For every parent complaining there isn’t enough you have another parent drowning, as it’s too much. It’s hard for schools to know what the right balance is and this will obviously vary from school to school. Just be honest and I’m sure your school will help you. Hugs to you ❤️.

[Chloemol]

We are all tired, so have your cry, pull yourself together and get on with it, like the rest of us

There is nothing more we can do than whats being asked of us, we are doing this to get past something that's never happened to any of us in our life time

Talk to the school, tell them you simply cant get it all done. Can you or your husband take holiday? Could you form a childcare bubble with family members to take the toddler?

[olderthanilookapparently]

I honestly think calling school and asking to speak to the teacher would be for the best, no one at all can fail to understand how hard it is for some of us. I am so lucky to only be working part time at the moment and mine are older it must be really hard with smaller ones.

If you don't feel like talking to the teacher / don't have time send them an email explaining that you are doing your best and sending work in isn't something you are able to manage at the moment.

Don't beat yourself up about it you must care or you wouldn't be upset. See if your husband could do a bit at the weekend your kids don't necessarily have to know which day is a school day you could do their work when you are both at home maybe?

[Sevensilverrings]

School is being unreasonable. Simple as that really. You need to stop back and allow yourself to be the boos here, not school.
Your children, not their school, are your priority, tell the school that. Explain what you can and can’t do in the realm of what is best for your family, not in order to meet their arbitrary deadlines. And this includes you keeping your job.
Your child needs a sane parent far more than school deadlines met.
I’d explain you will be doing maths while measuring stuff for dinner, PE while out walking, science while pouring things in their baths and literacy with a good night story. Other than that you will do what you can, but you will not jeopardise your or their mental health any more than you have to. School is there for your family, not the other way around. I hate how many teaching establishments loose sight of this.
(My kids schools are being much gentler than this, for what it’s worth you sound like you’ve got someone with very little experience or ability to actually do the job empathically if that’s what they are saying to you on the phone. It’s not going to help anything, and now is not the time to worry about tick boxing).
Good luck to you, remember to carve out little bits for yourself. I had a coffee in the bathroom today just so I could lock the door. It’s hellishly difficult, but you’ll get through. Your kids just need their Mum, the rest is extra right now.

[Sevensilverrings]

Sorry, typing on phone obviously not a great idea. Hope it made sense...

[Housing101]

In exactly the same position as you OP. I'm doing a shit job of home school, nurturing a toddler and my own work. Plus my marriage is no picnic at the mo. And I'll probably have no friends left after all of this because I haven't been on top of social communication at all.

My child is not doing well at home.

[MsJaneAusten]

Why is this all falling to you, not being shared with DH?