TTC after MC - new thread for newbies / lurkers on other threads!

[Lowkeyloopy]

Hi all!

I know there are several threads dedicated to this topic, which I've lurked on for several weeks without saying anything, but some threads (sadly) have so many people on them that it can be a bit hard to follow, or it feels awkward to jump into the middle of a conversation between people who have been chatting for a while. Does anyone fancy joining me on a new thread?

My story: 33, TTC baby #1, conceived first cycle in Feb, but had a MC at 6 weeks in early March. Absolutely awful, as everyone knows, and I was in a rubbish place mentally for a few weeks, but I've also counted my blessings - it was early, I needed no medical intervention and at least I know I can conceive. Also AF has returned today - 29 days after first day of my MC. I usually have a 28-29 day cycle so am so grateful that my body seems to be getting with the programme again.

So CD1 for me, and I'll be TTC this month and back to tracking - BBT from tomorrow, OPKs from CD 11, still taking my Pregnacare and trying to keep exercising and eating healthily!

Would anyone like to join me if they're going through something similar? How have you been coping since your MC? What's on your TTC to-do list?! (Other than the obvious..!)

Baby dust to all xx

[Mrsmujic]

Hi @Lowkeyloopy I'd love to join. The other TTC after MC threads are all super long so thank you for starting another. Sorry to hear about your MC, it sounds positive that your body has bounced back seemingly well.

My story is that im 31, TTC #1. Been trying off and on since June last year - it's hard as DH works crazy shifts too. I had a positive tests this month (first month where it seemed to actually work!) but bled at 5/6 weeks so I believe I'm currently going through a chemical? It's hard as DH doesn't seem as bothered by it as me even though he was originally the one who wanted to have kids more. I guess it's just because I'm going through the physical things but he just sees it as another period even though he was excited it was finally positive. I had to self refer to the midwife so I'm dreading finally hearing from them to say I no longer need them 😔. Ive not seen anyone like go midwife etc so dealing with it by myself.

I really hope my body picks up quickly once this passes so can try again. I used digital OPKs this month which really seemed to help, I talk folic acid and vit D, I may try preseed this next time too. I just want to be positive about a BFP and not have the niggle in the back of my mind that it may happen again that bad news follows. I kinda know what to look out for now with the tests not all being super dark etc so I have learnt something from it I guess.

Wishing you all the best X

[Lowkeyloopy]

Hi @Mrsmujic , glad you can join though I'm so sorry that you're going through a chemical at the moment. I hope you're feeling ok and taking good care of yourself!

I think partners are rarely going to be as upset as we are - nothing physically attached to them and it's all just an abstract concept still, not a baby. My DP recently said that although he was sad that it hadn't "worked", he had been feeling a bit guilty because I was so upset and his main concern during / after my MC was that I was ok - he wasn't sad about the loss as such. I think that's probably quite normal but doesn't necessarily make it easier for you. But I guess that's what this community is for - we understand!

Might be worth giving the midwives a call to cancel your booking appointment - I had to do that and they were very nice and cancelled the scan for me too so I didn't have to make a separate phone call. Hopefully they can answer any questions you have too - I had to go into the Urgent Care Centre a couple of times with my MC, where they took blood and urine tests and did an internal scan to confirm the MC - unlikely you'll need that for a chemical, but it might help to talk it through with someone. The Miscarriage Association is a very helpful resource too.

I'm also going to have that niggle I think..! Probably inevitable now. But chemicals are unfort very common and MCs are also 1 in 4 pregnancies I think. Apparently the risk of a second MC is no higher than for someone who hasn't had any MC though, so I'm hoping the odds are still with me..!

I know what you mean about the light tests - I'm also only going to test after I miss AF, not before, so I don't have crazy line anxiety for days!

We used preseed the cycle I conceived - don't know if that did it for us, but couldn't hurt!

[ItsMeantToBe]

Hi, I'd love to join. The other threads are really busy and I can't keep up!

Sorry to hear about your losses, it's so difficult.

I'm 33 with a 3 year old DS. I had a CP on Friday (and one a few years back) We were trying but not TTC but it's made us realise how much we want another baby. I was really down on Friday and Saturday but Easter was a good distraction. Now that's out of the way I just feel down and like there's nothing to look forward to. My DH is gutted too but he seems to be getting on with things. We're going to TTC this month. I only bled for 3 days following the CP so I'm not sure if I'm going to have another period this month or not or whether I'll ovulate. I've got a ovulation kit to check. I normally have a 28 day cycle. I'm going to be paranoid about another CP too!

Baby dust to you both!

[Flopsy88]

Hi ladies! Can I join please? I've been reading the other threads and thinking about posting but they're so busy I'll just get muddled up!

Sorry you're all going through this as well It's such a rubbish situation.

I'm 34 and just lost my first pregnancy at 9 weeks (although scan the week before showed it was only measuring 6 weeks). I started bleeding 3 weeks ago and had a scan at the EPU 2 weeks ago to confirm everything had passed. OPKs were darker on Sunday (although not positive but I was hoping I'd missed the surge overnight) and I was convinced I had ovulation pains yesterday but no temp rise today so I think I must have imagined it all and we've DTD loads for no reason :( I'm so desperate to be pregnant again I can't think about anything else!!

How did you find the preseed @Lowkeyloopy ? Does it come in a normal lube-type tube? I never seem to have any EWCM so I reckon it might help but worried about making it too clinical and killing the romance!

Wishing you all lots of luck and BFPs! Xx

[Lowkeyloopy]

Welcome @ItsMeantToBe and @Flopsy88 - glad to see I haven't been the only thread lurker

I'm so sorry for your losses and what you're both going through now. It's a frustratingly slow and confusing process isn't it?

@ItsMeantToBe - I also felt very down after my MC - it was so good to feel like there was this wonderful life change just a few (ok - 9!) months away. Work and other things felt utterly pointless afterwards. I think lockdown didn't help, but at least restrictions are now lifting and we should have more distractions. It just takes time I think - I gradually felt lighter and more positive as the days went by. AF starting feels like a clean slate too, which helps. Which OPKs do you use? I used Femometer (cheap on Amazon) before, with the Premom app, and that worked well (as in, I got PG!), so think I'll do the same again this cycle.

@Flopsy88, I'm so sorry for your loss. 9 weeks is very cruel, but good to hear at least that the EPU has confirmed everything has passed, and you can start moving forwards. Did they do a blood test to confirm your HCG levels? I understand that OPKs can pick up on HCG so wondered if that might have caused the dark OPKs if there is still some in your system? But it could also have been an overnight surge as you say - I think I also had that the cycle I conceived. Don't lose hope - I'm sure you're super in-tune with your body after what happened, so trust your instincts about the ovulation pain!

So the preseed is a little weird at first, but overall I'd recommend it. You squeeze it into a little tube a bit like a tampon applicator and then insert that around 15 minutes before DTD - I just did it privately in the bathroom before going to bed! I don't think you need loads - TMI but I overdid it once and my DP kinda lost sensation - not what you want! Definitely worth giving it a go though as it kinda takes the pressure off to.. get going.. when you're needing to DTD a lot. I also found it kinda tricky to track EWCM given all the DTD!

Wow isn't it great Mumsnet is anonymous..?!

[ItsMeantToBe]

@Lowkeyloopy I got Clearblue Advanced Digital Ovulation. I ordered it the other night along with a loads of FRER tests when I didn't give a shit how much money it was all costing me ! I'm so tempted to use one of the OPK's today, even though I know I won't be ovulating. It all gets so obsessive doesn't it?

Welcome @Flopsy88. Loosing at 9 weeks must be awful. I was 5.3 for this loss.

[Madeoftea]

Hi ladies, mind if I join? I'm on a couple of other threads but they do get so confusing and it's hard to know everyone's history etc when you've not been there since the start.

I'm really sorry for your losses and that you're all in the same boat.

I'm 28, TTC #1 and conceived after almost a year in January. I had a few problems and visits to the epu from the start but it was all fine and there was a heartbeat and everything looked good at 7 weeks. Unfortunately discovered I'd had a MMC at 9 weeks at a private scan after some spotting. I went with expectant management and it happened naturally almost 2 weeks later at the end of Feb.

I've just finished my first AF which was very triggering but I feel better now it's a new cycle. AF arrived exactly 28 days after the MC which is unusual for me as I normally have 34 day cycles so I'm not sure what to expect this time around but I've got my opks at the ready.

I've got to go back to work next week which I'm dreading, I've been lucky in a sense throughout all this that I've been furloughed so I haven't had to tell anyone at work if I don't want to. It's been nice dealing with it in my own time and being in my own little bubble. The downside is I've slacked on the exercise and comfort eating has become a bit of a problem I need to fix!

I've been taking folic acid and vit d which are about to run out, does anyone recommend pregnacare or seven seas? I don't know whether it's worth trying those or sticking with the cheap basics.

Don't think I could bring myself to try anything like preseed, I find it hard enough trying to tell if I have ewcm after DTD 🙈

Hope you don't mind me hopping on!

[ItsMeantToBe]

Welcome @Madeoftea. Fingers crossed you'll get a BDP this cycle. I'm not sure what vitamins to take either. I'm going to carry on taking my folic acid for now but need to figure out what else to take and whether to get anything for DH. I've overindulged for the past year also so really want to try to loose about a stone before I get a BFP but also don't want to delay TTC.

[Mrsmujic]

Hi everyone who's just joined 😊 I'm so sorry you have all gone through loss, I really hope we all have some luck in April/may! What cycle day are you all on?

I'm not sure if I can count the first day of my bleed (currently going through chemical pregnancy) as CD1 or if I have to wait a full cycle to next af until I start with DTD again? I really want to try again asap.

Baby dust to you all 💓

[ItsMeantToBe]

@Mrsmujic I'm thinking I'm on CD5 (following my CP on Friday). How long did you bleed for following your CP? I did properly for 3 days and then just spotting since then. What day are you going to start using your OPK?

[justwant2beamum]

Hey can I please join? I'm 27 and TTC #1. Fell pregnant in January had a scan at 7wks and saw heartbeat then scan at 9 weeks found MMC baby had died at 7weeks. I had surgical management on 5th March and got my first period on CD27. It just finished so I'm currently CD7 - hoping I ovulate and praying to conceive this month 😩🤞🏻✨ I was taking seven seas trying for a baby for a month since MC but bought pregnacare tonight with a pregnant friend as that's what she used xx

[Flopsy88]

@Lowkeyloopy Thank you, it definitely would have been much worse if I hadn't had the early scan and known things weren't right. It helped having time to prepare before the miscarriage started. They didn't do bloods but I've been doing cheapie HPTs and OPKs every day so I could see the lines getting lighter. I've had negative HPTs for a few days now. Might just be a bit addicted to POAS! Thanks for the warning re. preseed. Less is more!

@ItsMeantToBe I think throwing money at ttc helps us to feel a bit more in control after feeling completely helpless during a loss. I'm spending a fortune on tests and supplements and after buying 'It starts with the egg' I also feel like I need to replace all our plastic kitchen utensils!

@Madeoftea I'm so sorry for you loss. I really hope going back to work isn't as bad as you're expecting. It might be a good distraction. Do any of your colleagues know what you've been through?

[Mrsmujic]

So sorry you had a chemical on Friday @ItsMeantToBe, Mine began on Easter Sunday and has been pretty heavy since.. it was so painful Sunday/Monday but getting better now so only 3 days so far. How late were you for af when your bleed began? Was it your first cp?

As for testing lh I think I will base it on 30 day cycle (if the bleed only lasts my usual 6/7days) and use cheapy opk then start to use digital when it starts getting slightly darker. My cycles are anywhere between 30-36 days usually and my last cycle was 43 days so I think it was a 36 cycle + week late. Are you just gonna jump right back in too and not wait a cycle for actual af then star next month? I really don't want to wait so plan to just have a go this time round anyway. X

[ItsMeantToBe]

@Flopsy88 I've downloaded "it starts with an egg". Looking forward to starting it!

@Mrsmujic I was 9 days late for AF when I started to have my CP. A few years back I had signs of a MC (including passing the fetus, sorry if TMI). I had bloods taken a few days after it and my HCG was 0 so they told me that I wasn't pregnant, they didn't mention that it could have been a chemical. I know it was now in hindsight. My HCG level's must regulate really quickly as it was only 4 on Saturday, 1 day after I started to bleed.

Good plan re the OPK. I might order cheap ones too. I know I really should wait a cycle or 2 before TTC but I'm just so impatient.

[Mrsmujic]

@ItsMeantToBe that's sounds traumatic especially for them to say you weren't pregnant and you go through that. How are you testing your hcg levels now? I'd be interested to know what my numbers are next time but I've no idea if there's a way to check that doesn't mean you going to gp as in my area you just have to self refer once you get a positive result.. X

[Lowkeyloopy]

Welcome everyone! I’m so sorry for your losses but so glad we can build a support group here 🙂 It really makes me feel more positive about the next steps!

@Madeoftea I’m so sorry to hear AF was triggering - I’m on first day of my first AF since MC and it’s definitely heavier and more crampy - I haven’t been shy with the ibuprofen today.. I’m with you and @ItsMeantToBe on the comfort eating and slacking on exercise - I was being so good with daily yoga but that’s recently gone to pot! What kind of exercise do you both like? Maybe we can hold each other to account a bit!

On vits, I take pregnacare but pretty sure all they do is make my pee super expensive... my 8 month PG friend takes boots own brand I think and got pregnant 4th cycle - I think folic acid and vit D are the key ones and other than that it probably doesn’t matter, but I’m stuck in my expensive ways now as I was taking Pregnacare for 3 months before I conceived (first cycle TTC). DP has been taking Wellman for the same amount of time - he has a healthy diet but I figure it can’t hurt to give his swimmers a boost...

@Mrsmujic - I got mixed messages from midwives about whether it was ok to try again before you get a normal period - one advised to wait and one said it was ok to crack on once you’d stopped bleeding (to prevent infection). I did a lot of googling and concluded it was fine to crack on! The only reason to wait (other than being mentally ready) seems to be so they can date the pregnancy properly. But that can be addressed with an early scan. A study has shown you’re actually more fertile in the 6 months post MC (though they don’t know why) - I can find it if anyone is interested. I would count CD1 as first day of CP or MC bleed - I counted first day of my MC as CD1 and am pretty sure I saw a bit of EWCM and had ovulation pain around 14 days later, then AF started after the usual 29 days. Didn’t track though and couldn’t DTD at the right time anyway as I got a UTI 🙈 Was so run down!

@Flopsy88 The temptation to POAS is real isn’t it! It does help feel in control, as does throwing money at it. Good the HPTs were negative then - suggests your OPKs were accurate and you got your timing right! Fingers firmly crossed for you this month.

@justwant2beamum So sorry for what you’ve been through. Great you’ve got it and AF behind you and are heading into the FW though. Fingers crossed for you. Do you track BBT? I’m getting back on that this month after angrily abandoning my thermometer in a drawer post MC.

Sleep well ladies!

[Aila1994]

Hi ladies, hope you don’t mind me joining!

I’m on another thread or 2, but not really too vocal as I joined quite late and struggled to catch up.

We conceived late October 2020 and misscarried around 8-10 weeks between December/January. We tried for the first time since last month (March) and it didn’t work out for us, so this will be cycle 2 of TTC baby #1 🤞.

I’m 27, husband is 28, and we’ve worked out that if we do conceive this month I’ll be due 31/12/21, so maybe a little risky being so close to Christmas, but at this point I just want my baby 👶! (Currently CD12 and usually ovulated around CD17/18)

[Aila1994]

Hi ladies, hope you don’t mind me joining!

I’m on another thread or 2, but not really too vocal as I joined quite late and struggled to catch up.

We conceived late October 2020 and misscarried around 8-10 weeks between December/January. We tried for the first time since last month (March) and it didn’t work out for us, so this will be cycle 2 of TTC baby #1 🤞.

I’m 27, husband is 28, and we’ve worked out that if we do conceive this month I’ll be due 31/12/21, so maybe a little risky being so close to Christmas, but at this point I just want my baby 👶! (Currently CD12 and usually ovulated around CD17/18)

[ItsMeantToBe]

Welcome @Aila1994 @Girlmum2020. Having late losses must be awful, I was only 5.3 weeks this time.

@Mrsmujic I haven't checked my HCG since I Saturday when I had my bloods done and got negative pregnancy tests. I know mine will be back down to 0 now, with it only being 4 then. Once I get a BFP I'm definitely going to do tests daily to try to monitor whether the lines are getting darker. I've never really done this but I think it'll be reassuring that it's not a chemical again.

@Flopsy88 I don't exercise often TBH. I go through phases of running but mainly it's just walking the dog, which I'm trying to do more of. I do want to start yoga as it'll be good to carry it on all the way through to pregnancy too.

[Lowkeyloopy]

Hi @Aila1994 - so sorry for your loss and here’s hoping this is your lucky cycle! I’m with you on not worrying about dates now - just a healthy baby please! Also so many first babies are born late - so the likelihood is it would be a January baby rather than a Christmas baby anyway!

@Girlmum2020 I’m so so sorry to hear about your late loss and MCs - that must have been so difficult to get through. You must be made of tough stuff 🙂 If there is one message I’ve picked up from these threads it’s that MCs can be utterly random and your past experiences don’t dictate your future. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t get a BFP soon and have a successful pregnancy - baby dust and confidence to you!

@ItsMeantToBe if you’re interested in yoga I would definitely recommend Yoga with Adriene on YouTube. I did a couple of her 30 day series during the lockdowns - Home was my favourite.

[Mrsmujic]

Welcome to our new members ☺️ it's so nice to have a place to chat and put our feelings out there.

I think TTC can be so lonely if you don't want to talk to friends/family and there's only so much a partner can understand when it's mainly us going through af, tracking everything, trying to DTD enough, then the dreaded tww, testing testing testing along with symptom spotting and hoping it's our month while quietly hoping the cycle won't begin again and our bfps stick! (Don't get me wrong I know it affects our partners as much as us but if my DH is anything to go by hes just up for DTD and waiting for me to tell him if it's BFP or not 😅)

@Lowkeyloopy @ItsMeantToBe I've also seen articles where research suggests you could potentially be more fertile in the 3 months after MC so seeming as mine was very early MC at 5/6wks I'm going to track lh levels and if they start moving then I'm jumping straight back into it as DH and i feel ready. I'm hoping this cp is just like a regular af as I'm still bleeding currently (Cd4) so I'm really hoping that my cycle is still relatively 'normal'.

How is everyone else getting on today? X

[Madeoftea]

@Flopsy88 thank you. Unfortunately I haven't felt able to tell any of my colleagues, I'm hoping it helps and I can just get back into work normally but I think if I struggle there's a few people I'm willing to tell and think will understand.

@Lowkeyloopy I'm thinking I'm going to start on yoga videos soon and maybe try couch to 5k, I started it at the beginning of the year and then gave up when I fell pregnant and was exhausted.

Sorry to all you other ladies for your losses. @Aila1994 I was happy that I was supposed to have a September baby but like you I just want a baby now, I'm not bothered when it would be.

@Mrsmujic my partner is the same! He just let's me get on with it and is happy to show up when needed 🍆😂 it is lonely though, my family know we're TTC now after telling them about the mc but the details are hardly something I want to discuss with them!

So I'm going to start my opks today in case I ovulate earlier again this month but I have a feeling that my fertile week is going to fall next week when I return to work. How does anyone go about doing opks whilst they're at work, especially if you're not in an office environment?? I'm sure being at home and able to do opks contributed to my last pregnancy!

[ItsMeantToBe]

Thanks @Lowkeyloopy I'll give that yoga a try...tomorrow. I'm really struggling to get any sort of motivation this week and just feel blah.

@Mrsmujic My husband is the same. He seems to be in a good mood (although still sad about the mc) and I just keep wondering how he can be that cheery. They really don't understand all the things we go through. I'm glad I have you lot to vent to and obsess with!

@Madeoftea Fingers crossed going back to work won't be too bad. I'm sure there will be some people in work who have been through/going through similar. Maybe you could confide in your manager? Mine knows so I'm hoping she'll be supportive when I do get a BFP again.

[Flopsy88]

Hope you're all ok today

@ItsMeantToBe Also recommend Yoga with Adriene! She seems so lovely and has some short manageable videos. I was doing it every morning the month I conceived, no idea if it helped of not but was a nice way to start the day. If I'm really struggling to feel motivated (which is a lot t the moment) I close the blinds and light a candle and just tell myself I'm having 15 mins sitting on my yoga mat in peace without my phone or anything and always end up doing some yoga anyway.

@Madeoftea OPKs at work are tricky. People will ask questions if you're carrying around a little pot to pee in! I usually do one as soon as I get home at 5pm and another later in the evening and that seems to catch my peak.

Is anyone else listening to the Worst Girl Gang Podcast? It's very emotional at times but really helps with the lonely feelings. It's so reassuring to know that other people are going through the same thing and having the same obsessive TTC thoughts!