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I think I want to change DD's name...(167 Posts)
DD was born on Halloween (2016) and I named her Autumn. I really like the look of it and the sound of it in my head. Since using it as a name, it doesn't seem to work as well as it did in my head? Lots of people don't get it. My mum actually makes jokes about it - "I can't wait to see my grandaughter who hasn't got a proper name" or she directly speaks to her and says "you might as well have been named 'Season'". No one else really says anything, but I feel like they think the same. I'm just really close to my mum, so she probably feels like she can say it.
Yes change it. At this point she's too young to know any different.
Wow your mum sounds really horrible!
I can guarantee that no one else feels as strongly about your daughter's name as your mum. I like Autumn.
If you change her name because of this what will you do? Just let your mum pick it and hope you like it to?
I think it's a lovely name.
You can change it easily but don't do that just because your mum makes snarky comments.
I think Autumn is a beautiful name! But if you want to change it then you should do so whilst she is so young. But I think her name is lovely!
I'm not keen on this as a first name, and imagine if she ends up marrying someone with the last name Winter.
Autumn is a perfectly valid, and lovely, name. Do you like it, OP? Because she's your daughter, not your mum's!
The thing is, I feel like other people do think "oh, that's odd" because whenever I say her name, I normally get a look and a "Autumn? Like the season?" And it's really embarrassing.
It's a lovely name. I would end up using Otty as a nickname though which is really pretty too.
@DiscoDiva70 - what would be the issue? She clearly just wouldn't take the surname. She's being brought up to realise traditions like that are sexist she has my surname, so won't really think that's the norm anyway.
It's a really beautiful name. Your mum is being horrible.
I love Autumn. Your mum is rude.
Peter Phillips wife is called Autumn, the Queens granddaughter in law. If it's good enough for the Queen........
I thought I was close to my mum until i realised our relationship was actually entirely unhealthy. Her comments are horrid and actually quite controlling - she doesn't like the name so she is needling away at you.
I used to work with a little girl called autumn and think it's a lovely name. If you don't like it for other reasons then change it but not if it's just to please your mother/get her approval.
Autumn is an absolutely fine name! It's not stupid or even that unusual - #148 in 2015. It probably seems odd to your mum because it wasn't widely used when she was naming babies, but times change, she's had her turn, and now it's yours. Change it only if you want to - it's not your mum's place to pressure you into doing so and I think it's incredibly rude, insensitive and underhand of her to make those kind of comments!
Yeah, I do really like it. I just feel like the more and more I say it, the more I'm finding it hard to realise it's a name, due to everyone else's looks and the comments off my mum are really putting me off
I like it! Your mum is being horrible. And yes, what a ridiculous comment about what would she do if she married someone called winter...
Autumn is a lovely name and your mum needs to stop with the horrid comments about her granddaughters name.
I like it, my friends niece is called Autumn. It's very pretty. It's also my favourite season so I may be biased. So what if she does (miraculously) marry someone with the surname Winter? It's hardly a big deal is it!
If you like it, keep it. Tell your mum how you feel when she makes those comments, I bet she'll feel mortified that she has made you doubt the name you gave her.
Autumn is a beautiful name. Don't change her name, change your mum instead!
I don't like the name, but I also don't think you should change it based on your mother's rudeness and the opinions of internet strangers!
If you feel uncomfortable introducing her as Autumn and you want to change it to give you/her an easier life, then fine. But if it's the name you love and you want to stick with it, that's also fine. I think there might be a deadline to change it before they are one?
You need to tell your mum to stop making the comments. Autumn is not an uncommon name!
I think your mum has made you feel like that tbh
I had it a bit with my dad but to a lesser extent. The name i chose felt really out there (but it's not, like Autumn isn't) and i felt like everyone thought it was bizarre because of how my Dad reacted. But when i started saying it would more confidence i realise people just didn't hear what i said / we're just saying it back to me without any sort of angle. Basically i was just projecting. I love the name again now.
Your mum probably thinks she can get away with having a 'joke' about it because you're close. Have you had a serious conversation with her about how this is hurting your feelings? If she knew the affect it was having she may think twice? You name your baby for you, no one else. It's one of the few privileges we get as a parent! Don't let anyone give you doubts.
And I guarantee other people aren't giving more than a few seconds' thought to your child's name. Not meaning to be harsh, I just mean don't get preoccupied with what other people may or may not be thinking. I (and you, most importantly!) like Autumn, but no name is going to meet with everyone's approval. As long as it's not embarrassing (check) or offensive (check), you're good.
I think Autumn is a beautiful name, it is also my favourite season. Your Mum is making you paranoid, she is rude and ignorant. Tell her you don't want to hear another word about YOUR daughter's name. TBH, she sounds like she would be needling you over something, even if you changed your daughter's name to a name she picked!
It's an unusual name, but I like it. Your mum's probably not come across it before (although I think its becoming popular too!)
When we told my dad my son's name he laughed as he thought it was from a TV show like Game of Thrones. (It's definitely not, it's just a name he hadn't come across)
It's a beautiful name! My friends baby is called Winter and I think it's lovely. Please stick with it! When babies are little it's quite often hard to associate their names with the tiny little human you are seeing. She will grow into her name (and ignore your bloody mother-or tell her you are finding her comments hurtful!-that or start making fun of her name🙈)
Your mum is poisoning the name for you and you need to decide whether you want to tell her to shut up and reclaim the name again or go for another name, or preferably both. I think what she's done is awful.
whenever I say her name, I normally get a look and a "Autumn? Like the season?"
But lots of people have that with all sorts of names - people will only ask once as then they know they've heard it right and know what to call your DD. It sounds like your mother's nastiness has made you paranoid and ashamed of the name you chose, and that you're reading too much negativity into other people's reactions.
I think it's a lovely name - there was an older girl in my music school when I was a kid called Autumn and she was very nice and popular, so it has positive connotations for me.
And if it makes you feel any better, my mother always objected to my younger DD's name - she went through years of calling my DD by the name she preferred, and even sometimes does it now still (DD is 13..).
It's not her choice, OP, it's yours - change it if you want to, but not just for your DM.
It's a lovely name, don't change it if you don't want to!
Your mum is being incredibly rude
As long as you love it and feel like it suits your DD, go for it! Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I personally think it's a very cool name!
Autumn is lovely. I quite wanted to use it but DH would never have agreed!
If your mum doesn't like it then that is her problem. Would she refuse to use the name of a work colleague, doctor, hairdresser or whoever whose name she didn't like in the same way she's refusing to use your daughters? Even if she's a baby she deserves that your mum respects what she's actually called.
My DM hates my DD's full name (she goes by a shortening 90% of the time, her choice) but I couldn't give less shits if I tried. I adore her name, DH does too and most importantly, DD does. Your mum is being a bitch. Most people aren't negative about others' name choices.
I'd change it to 'Fuckoffmotherandmind
Autumn is a lovely name
don't change it it's a lovely name. I think your mum is joking with you to be honest.
Very cute name ,very popular and understood in the states !
If Summer and Winter are acceptable as names then why not Autumn? Do you need to have a word with your mum about how this undermines you?
It's her name! You chose it for her! Don't change it now because your mum is being a twat. If she marries a Mr Winter she can go by her own surname and not take his (reminder to all that we are in the 21st century). I'm not usually a fan of 'new' names but actually I think Autumn is quite a sophisticated and pretty name - also I taught one who was a thoroughly nice kid, but that's by the by - and more importantly your daughter is nearly 10 months old and definitely knows her name! Tell your mother that her name is Autumn, she (your mum) got to choose your name and now it's your turn to name your own child and you would appreciate no further comment.
I had a similar wobble. Only solution is OWN it, say it loud and proud and use it in conversation rather than saying she or baby.
Autumn is a lovely not unusual name.
Your mum is unpleasant and should be ashamed.
What would she have you change it to? Has she suggested anything? I used to work with a girl called October because that was when she was born (she had a sister called April for the same reason) .... if you like Autumn, then keep it. If you don't, then change it. But make it your decision, not hers.
I like it OP. It's unusual and feminine.
Please tell your mother to shut up talking about DD's name like that immediately. It's not fair on you or DD.
Hopefully then you'll gain more confidence surrounding your DD's name.
My dd is called Autumn and I am constantly complimented on her name, and have been since she was born. My dd loves her name and she is now 8yrs old and still loves it. This isn't about your daughters name but about the insipid relationship you have with your mother, she would not approve of any name. She is controlling you with criticism and you would do well up distance yourself
I like it. Your mother should be grateful you didn't call her Hally, short for Halloween.
Autumn is a lovely name. Beautiful and strong.
I love the name Autumn. It's a very pretty name.
Thanks all. My mum really isn't joking. She has wanted her to be Matilda for years. Matthew for a boy...
I often hear her say "you'd like to be a little Tilly wouldn't you?"
I just don't know how to stop it, I've cried in front of her about it and she says she'll be crying many more tears when she goes to school I love my mum, but I just don't know how to get past this.
Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan's baby daughter is called Autumn so it's pretty likely the name will gain in popularity now, if you're worried about it being unusual. I think it's a lovely name though.
OP, ask your mum who chose your name for you, was it her or her mother? If it was her, she's had her chance, so she can drop it now.
My DN (teenager) has the same name. I'm sure BIL & SIL will have had some similar comments to you but they love it and so does DN (as do we). Her little sister has an unusual name and the two go together perfectly
Agree with PPs - if you love the name and think it suits your DD stick with it. If you're not sure you could change it.
When I told my aunt DS1's full name she complained it was a bit of a mouthful. It has exactly the same number of syllables as hers... some families are just annoying like that 😕
Matilda is not a better name than Autumn, it's a different one.
I'm sorry but I think you need to find your own voice as a mum and stick up for your daughter, and your choice of name. Otherwise I have a feeling your mum is going to be deciding and controlling a lot more than just her name in years to come.
Perhaps show her this thread, then she can see how many people think she's in the wrong.
Jeez, she sounds fucking horrible, OP!
Is she like this about other stuff? Seems pretty weird that you could have a good relationship in general but she's being so deliberately and knowingly hurtful and undermining about this.
I think you should search for the 'stately homes' thread and post a really accurate list of things your mum does to undermine you and see what response you get,.... because honestly, it sounds like it is your mum and her frankly appalling behaviour that is the problem, not your daughters name which is an unusual but not unheard of, pretty name.
OP, tell her if she doesn't stop it, she's not welcome. And it sounds like she chose your daughter's name years ago! Stand up to her!
She is incredibly rude.
I would take a stand and tell her that she's upsetting you so much that until she can learn to keep her trap shut you won't be seeing her-and she won't be seeing Autumn either. If she wants a relationship with you both she had better get over it.
Your mum is being a complete bitch. That's really horrible of her.
Autumn is a beautiful name. Tell your mum
If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to see her. That will stop it
Why would you bother even spending time with someone who insults your child's name like that? Your 'D'M sounds vile.
OP, it's such a pretty name! Your mother is being incredibly rude, she's had the pleasure giving her child a name she loved so now it's your turn and she should stop interfering.
Wow! Your mum is totally out of order and out of touch with the names people are naming their kids in the 2000's.
Autumn is a perfectly normal name, it may not be in the top ten but I can assure you that your dd would be Tilly and then the initial of her surname or even a number once she's at school if you listen to your mother. Popular names are great and there is a reason why they are popular but find the thread about the woman in her 30's or 40's who wanted to change her name because there were so many Sarah's about.
If you love the name Autumn then don't change your dd's name but if you, not your mother, you don't like the name then change it. Just make sure you're not doing it to please your mum, from what you've written she's not a very nice mum or grandma.
My DM wasn't 100% keen on my dd's name when I first told her but as she's a lovely lady I only know that information because I know my mum well and I read her facial expression. She has never commented on disliking it and 3 years later I'm convinced that she loves it just as much as us because she loves her GD and after this time my dd's name has become part of her iyswim.
I wanted to call my Dd Autumn, my exdh wouldn't agree so I didn't . I know an Autumn who's in her 30's is a professional and has no issues with her name.
Go for it, stuff everyone else it's a beautiful name. I wish I had.
The fuck? Your DM has had your children's names picked out for years? Fuck that. You might need to pop over to the stately homes thread!
Yep was going to say the same. That's bizarre OP. Come and see us at the stately home
Another one who thinks its lovely. Just make the baby talk and say "No Grandma (or whichever name she DOESN'T want to be called) I love the name MY MOMMY picked"
Your mum sounds really unkind.
Autumn is lovely.
Enjoy your dd and do things YOUR way. Your mum's had her turn. Your dd is yours.
I like Autumn! I also know of a Summer, Winter and Wynter. I imagine that your DD will go to nursery and school with other children who have names that people may raise an eyebrow to but by the time they are adults it will not matter because it will be the norm. If you like it, keep it.
Next time your mum starts, look her dead in the eye and tell her to shut her fucking mouth.
Then smile and forget it. Autumn is lovely. Just out of interest, what would you change it to?
If I were going to change it, it would probably be Violet.
Autumn is lovely. It's not that unusual either so I'm not sure why people are looking at you oddly. There's loads of actual weird names around these days.
I know a poet and a toddler both called Autumn. They both seem very happy with the name.
How dare your mum say that to your daughter! Yes she is too young to understand now but what will she say to her when she can understand. My mother would not be seeing my daughter until she could keep a civil tongue in her head!
It's s gorgeous name. I also really like Summer as a girls name. They are really pretty names. Please ignore your mother OP.
"imagine if she ends up marrying someone with the last name Winter."
The OP has given the obvious answer. I just couldn't help myself, sorry. It must be Stepford Wives Night Out on MN tonight.
Autumn and Violet are equally beautiful. I think Autumn Violet or Violet Autumn sound great. Go for how you feel. If you really want to change do it asap.
Your mum sounds highly manipulative, Can you try having a good few weeks break to see if life is easier with minimal contact?
I think no matter what the name is something will come from it. I personally love it.
People laughed at my daughters name when I was pregnant and tried very hard for me to change my mind. The more some family members teased me the more I stuck to my guns. Her name is 'Eloise' which is not common at all where I am from. People laughed and asked if I had made it up, some made snarky comments and some people still to this day refuse to use the name and call her Ella instead😂! I don't care though because I have had some lovely comments on her name as a whole 'Eloise Elizabeth' and I still love it😍!
I have to admit I find it odd that you would consider changing a ten month old's named based on someone else's opinion. And people saying she's too young to know, a) how do you know, surely she looks round if her name is said and b) what about later on in life, wouldn't you find it strange to find out you had a lovely name and it got changed to something else?
I think it's a beautiful name
We had our son an his name is Kaycee, we both love it and the spelling too but have had people say it's a girls name, I've never wanted to change it though and it really suits him, he is nearly 8 now, if you like it and it's not an obviously silly name then keep it.
I wouldn't change it. My son is younger and definitely knows his name, and responds to it. I think it'd be unfair to change it now.
Autumn is a lovely name.
If you still love the name keep it. Try not to worry about other people's opinions. They'll get used to it!
Your mum needs to be told to pipe down. Why do you put up with that shit from her?
Autumn is a really beautiful name. Please don't change it
certainly not to Violet
I'm a monster re names. Honestly, I'm so strict and cruel. But I think 'Autumn' is lovely.
A very old song. autumn
Your mum is totally out of order - how rude.
Why aren't you called Matilda? She had her chance! Tell her to wind her neck in.
Autumn is lovely, and not "out there" in thr slightest.
I'm just really close to my mum, so she probably feels like she can say it.
I'm really close to my daughters, but I would never think that I should choose the names of my grandchildren, and I could never hurt them by saying such nasty things about their choices. Some of the names (I've got quite a few grandchildren) I've liked more than others, but I would never ever say anything, and, anyway, over time, a child's name becomes part of them.
Out of interest, OP, do you like the name your mother chose for you - or did your grandmother choose it?
Your mum will find fault with any name that's not Matilda so changing dd's name to Violet won't help. You will only be swapping comments like "may as well been called season" for "may as well been called violin" or similar ridiculous comments.
The issue you have is not with the name Autumn, which is lovely, it's with your mum. How you resolve that I don't know, but certainly not by changing dd's name.
You could always tell your mum to keep her opinions to herself?
It's a really beautiful name.
You'll get comments
from rude gits no matter what the name is, OP.
The first thing my grandmother said when I told her my DD's name was Emilia was, "Horrible. Sounds like mealy-mouthed".
All you can do is choose a name that you and your partner like. There's nothing wrong with the name Autumn. It's a known name, spelt correctly, not trendy enough to date etc. So don't worry about what your mother is saying, although, echoing others' thoughts, she doesn't sound like a particularly nice person.
I think that autumn is lovely. Worst case scenario she can move to America.
I think it's a beautiful name. Don't change it although violet is also pretty. From the sounds of it your mother will make mean comments whatever the name.
I think I would say 'mum her name is autumn it won't be changing as dh and I chose it and love it. If you can't stop making mean and inappropriate comments about our choice and accept our little girls name maybe you had better not see her quite so often'
Your mum named her children, she's had her chance. If she likes Matilda so much she can get a pet and call it Tilly. Autumn is a beautiful name and you chose it for your daughter. Don't let her spoil it for you.
It's lovely. Change it if you want to but I wouldn't. I would just roll my eyes every time your mum says anything and say to your daughter "oh dear Autumn, Nanny's still going on about your lovely name, it is boring isn't it?"
Nothing wrong with Matilda or Violet.....but Autumn is about 50 times prettier.
You have a mother problem, not a name problem. Autumn is lovely, your mother is not!
Autumn is lovely.
Tell your mother to go ahead and have another baby and call her Matilda.
Seriously, stop taking your mum so seriously and start taking the piss out of her. If you are close like you say, she'll be fine with it. Next time she goes on about the name say "mum, it isn't too late, you can squeeze another baby out and call her whatever you want but this one is called Autumn" or "god mum I"m beginning to worry about you and Autumn's name - please tell me you aren't dementing yet".
YOu are a mum now. Your mum is a grandmother. You need - and I mean this kindly - to be an adult and not give a fuck about what your mum thinks about a name.
I've taught 2 Autumns, it really isn't that unusual. One we joked about a bit (good naturedly) because her best friend in the same class was Summer!
If I was introduced to an Autumn I wouldnt think it was odd at all.
I much prefer it to Matilda (and don't like Tilly at all). I think Autumn is an elegant, strong name. I also prefer it to Violet.
Btw, my DD has a top 10 name but I didn't feel like it was 'her' name at all until she was probably a few months old. I think sometimes names seem too big for babies and you just aren't used to saying it aloud until you introduce them to other people because you have no need to call them. You arent shouting it up the stairs or trying to get their attention like you would be when they're older! I would stick with it. Your mum does need a stern word though.
Autumn is not an unusual name and it is definitely a name, a very pretty one. Your mum is being extremely rude. I actually know 2 little Autumns and loads of Summers as well and no-one has ever questioned their names. Hasn't she heard of Autumn Phillips? Don't give into pressure from your mum. Your dd has a name and you clearly love it so don't change it. You need to speak to your mum. She shouldn't say things like that to your dd as she will feel rejected and start to dislike the name herself.
Autumn is a lovely name and not even that unusual - top 150 in UK and top 100 in USA.
You clearly love her name and you shouldn't feel bullied into changing it. The problem here isn't her name, it is your mother wanting to control it.
Please keep Autumn! Your dd is almost a year old and will probably know her name.
Autumn sounds serene and elegant - and as many others have said it's not that unusual.
I wouldn't let your mother's behaviour continue - I think you need to say in a calm and firm manner that she must stop.
Initially I thought that maybe your daughter was only a few days/weeks old (overlooked the Halloween bit!) and that your mother would come to her senses and accept the name - but she's 10 months old and it's very mean of your mother to still be going on about it.
Autumn is a beautiful name! It's very feminine and not too common. I can see why you picked it
It is not common, which is probably why people ask 'as in the season?' And they also may be asking so they know how you are spelling it i.e. Are you spelling it the same way as the season?
Honestly your mum is being very rude and you need to nip it in the bud - next time she comments call her on it.
Your mother is being horrible about this. You know, if you changed it to Violet I'm sure she'd still have dogs at you because you're daring to do what you want and not what she wants!
Autumn is lovely, many people's favourite time of year, and relevant to her because of her DoB.
Stick to your guns, and close your mother down when she starts up, each and every time.
No mum, you already got to name a baby.
No mum, her name's Autumn because I love it.
No mum, Matilda isn't a better name than Autumn, her name is lovely.
And on and on.
She'll get the message, and maybe learn that she can't push you around.
My DD's name is an unusual one, and we have had some funny comments- mainly isn't that a boy's name? It's not ! Never has been, is a perfectly valid name (and adored on MN) just not used all that often.
We ignore it- we love the name, that's why we chose it, and it suits our DD down to the ground.
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