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AIBU?

to think a priest shouldn't invite little girls into his home

261 replies

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 18:44

Ok this is my 3rd AIBU of the night and usually steer clear of this section because it's scary

But anyway, everyone's being unreasonable at the mo and I need to get it out.

So we went to our priest the other night to sort out our wedding blessing. He's a nice guy, a little odd, but nice and about 60. We went to his house next to the church and school. When he opened the door there was a little girl of about 7 playing in the car park. He shouted to her 'would you like to come in?' she said no and he said 'why? Come in.' so she did.

Then he said 'where do you want to go? Do you want to watch television or talk?' she said watch TV and clearly felt a little uncomfortable. So he said 'right that's upstairs'. We followed and sorted out the blessing. He then gave DS and the girl a teddy each from his collection. We left and the little girl stayed.

He didn't ask her parents if she could come in- they wouldn't have known where she was, and it was just her and him.

Clearly nothing untoward, but it seems a bit naive for a man to invite a young girl into his home when no one else is there. All kinds of accusations could fly around.

OP posts:

Report

kormachameleon · 27/08/2009 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GirlsAreLoud · 27/08/2009 18:46

Where were her parents?

My DD is only a baby but I don't think I'd want her playing alone in a carpark at 7.

Morloth · 27/08/2009 18:47

I think you have no idea of the backstory.

While I think it is dangerous for him perhaps he thinks her needs outweigh his.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 18:49

Perhaps. She was on her own, too. Not with other kids. She just seemed to be playing out and there are a lot of houses around there, and obviously the school. But we went there at 5pm and left about 6pm and she was still there.

I don't know the background and I don't think there was anything in it, I just think it's a bit silly of him.

OP posts:

GirlsAreLoud · 27/08/2009 18:50

As Morloth said perhaps he thought she was better off indoors than playing out all alone.

cocolepew · 27/08/2009 18:50

Maybe he was minding her?

Morloth · 27/08/2009 18:51

Or being sent home. Who knows, maybe playing in a carpark alone at dusk is safer than where she lives?

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 18:53

Not that it means much but she was well dressed. He definately wasn't looking after her as I spoke to her briefly when he went to get the teddy. She was a happy little thing, just very shy of him.

I'm not judging him because he's a lovely man... but I do still think it's a bit of a silly thing for him to do with the way people are nowadays.

In all fairness to him, it's not the nicest of areas and she probably was safer indoors.

OP posts:

Morloth · 27/08/2009 18:58

Sometimes people do silly things because they are also the right things.

MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:02

I do still think it's a bit of a silly thing for him to do with the way people are nowadays

LaurieFairyCake · 27/08/2009 19:05

Thank goodness someone invited her in.

If her parents don't want her going to other peoples houses maybe they could keep more of an eye on her.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:06

Errm yes but I wasn't being judgemental? Like I said.

OP posts:

pinkthechaffinch · 27/08/2009 19:08

No, YANBU,
personally alarm bells would start ringing loudly in my ears at seeing a middle aged man giving teddies from his collection [hmmm] to children he hardly knows.

The fact the girl herself seemed uncomfortable is also very concerning. Even if all is innocent, it sounds like his pastoral skills are really lacking.

Most successful paedophiles get away with it because they seem genuinely nice. And the girl, playing unsupervised, is just the sort of vulnerable child at the most risk of abuse.

johnthepong · 27/08/2009 19:08

It sounds like it was his grand daughter or something. I think it was very unlikely she was just a random girl.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:08

In fact, I was just worrying about a nice old man getting hassle off the people around here for doing something he perceived to be nice but they wouldn't. It's not the nicest of towns, it's rough for the most part.

But if I'm beginning to defend myself then I must be being unreasonable. Maybe people won't think that of him.

Nevermind, just a worry.

OP posts:

MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:09

It doesn't make you non-judgmental just because you preface your judgment with "I'm not judging him".

I'm not judging him but I think he shouldn't do it (thread title) and it's a silly thing for him to do.

Man (gasp), cleric (double gasp), is kind (clearly something's up).

CantThinkofFunnyName · 27/08/2009 19:10

Sorry all but I agree with the OP, I think this would be upon very suspiciously. That being said, I actually live next door to a convicted paedophile and as such, have to be extremely vigilant and mistrusting!

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:10

Sorry, cross posted with Pink and John, and I'm probably corss posting right now.

Pink- that's what I thought, young girl, lonely a vulnerbale invited in etc.

John- I asked her, she said she just goes to the school.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 27/08/2009 19:11

Maybe she knows him and her parents know him. He may be a relative or a close family friend. We have no idea of any of the back story - if he was unknown to her or not for example.

Should a 7y really be playing out in a car park in the evening for over an hour unsupervised?

Many 7y are shy in the company of adults, even ones they see regularly.

morningpaper · 27/08/2009 19:11

I think this VERY unlikely

I expect she was a relation, or his housekeepers daughter or something

Priests are no more allowed to spend time alone with children than teachers are tehse days - they are VERY strict about this (for the good of the reputation of the priest if nothing else)

nbee84 · 27/08/2009 19:11

Maybe he was minding her? Maybe it was a relative? Maybe it was a neighbours child that regularly came in?

MissAnnesley · 27/08/2009 19:11

And adding in bits like "she looked uncomfortable" and "her parents wouldn't have known where she was" is unhelpful and merely your opinion.

He was probably looking after her, she went out to play, after a bit he thought oh not that blardy horrible carpark again, "are you coming in?" in she comes.

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pinkthechaffinch · 27/08/2009 19:11

well the RC church have got a very bad track record when it comes to chiild abuse and covering it up, so I don't think it's unreasonable to assume the worst when a priest acts in a manner that could be interpreted as grooming.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 27/08/2009 19:12

MissAnne- I think maybe you're being a little naive too. Sorry. I'm not judging him because I don't think he's done anything. BUT I think people in the area, who don't know him, let's face it not many people go to church now, will assume he is/has.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 27/08/2009 19:13

pinkthechaffinch - how on earth can you judge him so harshly, practically calling him a paedophile, without knowing any of the key facts and information?

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