To have unvaxxed friend to visit

[BloodyC19Xmas]

Name changed as this will probably out me!

Ok Xmas day is meant to be at my mums house. She's technically clinically vulnerable but she's not got anything life ending like cancer etc but does affect the quality of her life.

My friend was going to visit Xmas Eve as it's their first year after a nasty divorce and we're dreading xmas waking up without their kids, missing the fun of santa etc and so I invited to spend Xmas with my dh and kids.

My mum discovered my friend is unvaxxed and absolutely fair enough she said they couldn't go to her house so we changed plans so friend could come to us overnight on Xmas eve and we could go to my mums house Xmas lunchtime after friend went home to pick up their kids.

Now with omnicron accelerating, mum has lost it, she's completely paranoid and convinced she's going to die if she gets it. In spite of her having 3 vaccines already...

And she's said if my friend comes to visit that we can't go to visit them on Xmas day cos she doesn't want to risk it. 🤦🏼‍♀️
My kids are young and they will be gutted to miss Xmas with their grandparents. This is the main issue for me here.

I'm fuming cos hubby and I are around unvaxxed people all the time as we both work in public sector key worker jobs but that's not bothered her before.

My friend said they'd have a covid test before they came to visit and we said we'd have one before we went to mums so I really can't see the huge issue. (Besides a narcissist trying to control the narrative)
Aibu?

[BHX3000]

You’re not BU. Your mum is. But I guess it’s her right to be…

[breakingthebank]

I would have Christmas at home. It would be cruel to drop your friend now after inviting her imo.

[pinkstripeycat]

Being vaccinated doesn’t stop you passing it on.

[SickAndTiredAgain]

Your kids are young? So unvaccinated and spending days at school surrounded by other unvaccinated children? When does their school break up for Christmas?
Surely there’s far more chance of her catching it from them than from you after you meet with someone the day before (would you be contagious that quickly anyway?)

[MrsDSalvatore]

I'd tell her it's fine you will stay home with your friend, see how quickly she changes her tune.. As above, you can still transmit it vaxxed or not

[GreenClock]

Maybe she wants a just-close-family Christmas and this is a ruse.

[soapboxqueen]

If your mum is uncomfortable, your mum is uncomfortable, she's not being unreasonable. You've said yourself she is clinically vulnerable.

I have various family members, some vulnerable some not, some hyper-vigilant some not so fussed. I respect each ones' comfort level.

Yes you may be in contact with the public everyday but maybe she can cope with that due to it being your job and not this extra situation.

If you don't want to rescind your friend's invite, just say to your mum that you'll give it a few days, test and then visit. Yes your dc might be upset but that's the situation we are in right now.

Whether she is being controlling or is genuinely scared is irrelevant to your course of action.

[Jinglebellsoncake]

The vaccine just reduces the severity of symptoms. It doesn't stop you passing it on.
So it really doesn't affect her.

Unfortunately my mum is the same mindset. She believes everything in the media and everything she is told. Panic spreading of misinformation is everywhere.

[PinkiOcelot]

I would just say, ok no worries we’ll just have Christmas at home this year. Let her get on with it.

[PinkiOcelot]

How did she discover your friend hasn’t had the vacc?

[NuffSaidSam]

I think it's just difference of opinion.

No-one is being unreasonable really.

Do what works best for your family.

[Ohnomoreno]

This is what happens when governments spread fear indiscriminately. Doubt there's much you can do to explain the dear is irrational given you're already in contact with unvaccinated people. You could try showing her the stats for vaxxed people. They're good. Or to look at it another way, way less risk than the risk of birth defects and people don't spend all their time worrying about that (well I do but in general most people are counting on the most likely outcome).

[AnneLovesGilbert]

She can’t ban you from having people in your home and given your jobs and kids she’s being daft to focus in on this one thing to try and control.

You can’t ditch your friend so just tell your mum you understand so you’ll be at home.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

My Mum is classed as extremely vulnerable, also had three jabs and has not long stopped shielding but still being very careful. After seeing what my Mum has gone through, the worry that this virus could kill her etc, I get why your Mum feels the way she does.

However, I wouldn't change plans with your friend, that's unfair on her and it sounds like she really needs you right now. You spend a lot of time around unvaxxed people, your children are young, unvaxxed and spend time around other unvaxxed children. Why is it only her that's a problem for your Mum and not the others? I get not being in her house etc but not this.

[XenoBitch]

Your mum is BU.
Will your friend be ok with doing an LFT? She can't spread Covid if she does not have it.
I honestly can't get the hysteria that triple jabbed people have about unvaccinated people. Do they not trust their vaccines? And if not, why the insistence that other people get them?
I hope you manage to arrange something OP. Sounds difficult.

[MolkosTeenageAngst]

Are your kids vaccinated? Assuming not tell her that you’ll ensure to keep them away from her until Omicron blows over and I imagine she’ll quickly change her mind.

[thenightsky]

@MrsDSalvatore

I'd tell her it's fine you will stay home with your friend, see how quickly she changes her tune.. As above, you can still transmit it vaxxed or not

I'd play it this way too.

[1FootInTheRave]

I'd stay home.

[Munchkinpumpkin]

Oh this scaremongering is putting fear of god in people.. if you are vaccinated you are protected no?.. if you are unvaccinated you are putting urself at risk, but not a vaccinated person......... cos the vaccinated person is vaccinated??

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

@Munchkinpumpkin vaccines aren't 100% effective and when the CEV and CV have had two years of worrying about catching it and dying, having to shield etc then personally I find it understandable that they're concerned.

[Heartdogs]

Just have your friend round and leave your mum to it. Her choice but if your friend is testing before she comes she is less likely to have it than a vaccinated person who hasn't tested, like your mum for instance.

[IgneousRock]

Personally I'd be putting my kids first here - Christmas is really for children. If they'd be gutted to miss Christmas with their grandparents I would reluctantly cancel friend.

[Akire]

Even if your friend has it you are not going catch it the moment she walks through the door and then become contagious enough pass it on the next day. If she was staying a week before hand then that’s different. But you would be able to do LTF to check anyway.

[OnTheBoardwalk]

Will your mum be on her own Christmas Day if you don’t go round? What do your children think?

I’ve made my own risk assessment, feck what Bojo says, and I’m prioritising family over friends at the moment but will be catching up with them in the new year

[Flowersandhearts]

Could you go to your Mum's on 23rd for an early faux Christmas day instead?

I don't think your Mum is being at all reasonable. There will be a good reason why she's classed as vulnerable.