To think I shouldn’t have to feel like I need to lock my things up

(257 Posts)
FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:04:35

For some reason my possessions are a free for all and I’m sick of it

I’ve explained to the dc they can’t just help themselves to my things-yet they do. Repeatedly.
The consequences for this have been a telling off and having to replace items.

It happens with food (I’m vegan they aren’t yet they’ll eat my vegan chocolate and leave mine and not replace)
Make up will get taken from my room , used, not replaced.

Nobody asks to borrow ? They think it’s acceptable to go to someone else’s room / bag and take.

They’ve been taught about privacy and stealing yet this continues.

I dont see why I should now feel like I have to hide/lock things away ??
So I can’t have cold chocolate ss can’t leave it in the fridge.
Can’t leave my own things out in my own room.

I feel devalued almost as if they see me as a lesser person and they can take off me.
It’s only small items but I’ve had enough of it

OP’s posts: |
tallduckandhandsome Mon 21-Jun-21 10:06:24

YANBU. What consequences do they face currently?

FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:09:02

Told off. Reiterated strongly to them it’s stealing and they have to replace the iten from their own money

They’ve always been taught not to steal yet this is stealing. It’s not borrowing as they don’t ask and I’ve now banned everyone from my room

Feel like I need a lock on the door and something to lock things in too I’m just really angry that they think it’s ok to do this ?

OP’s posts: |
FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:10:59

It’s also an invasion of privacy. They are afforded privacy and yet in return think it’s ok to go through someone else’s stuff and take anything they like
Or knowingly leave nothing in the fridge for me and I’ll go get something and it’s gone

Nope. Had enough
Tbh I don’t want a lock on the door we feel I shouldn’t have to but they need to get the message as I’m disgusted

OP’s posts: |
pepsicolagirl Mon 21-Jun-21 10:11:03

How old are they?

tallduckandhandsome Mon 21-Jun-21 10:11:04

YANBU TO be angry.

Do they actually replace the things when you tell them to?

And have they stopped going into your room now you've banned them?

Toebean Mon 21-Jun-21 10:12:13

You have Dcs... its normal!

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AvantGardening Mon 21-Jun-21 10:12:41

Take their bedroom doors off. When you have privacy you can discuss them having some back.

FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:14:31

tallduckandhandsome

YANBU TO be angry.

Do they actually replace the things when you tell them to?

And have they stopped going into your room now you've banned them?

Well the van is now from today so will see

Yes they’ve had a total dressing down each time it’s happened and replaced or if they had no money I’ve given them less pocket money to replace it myself

It’s my 11 and 15 year old

OP’s posts: |
tallduckandhandsome Mon 21-Jun-21 10:14:51

Normal to you maybe Toebean?

FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:16:17

Toebean

You have Dcs... its normal!

But I feel that it’s more than that. I don’t think it’s ok to steal. They don’t say can they borrow something I’ll go to get an item and it’s gone. Then I’ll find the empty one for example in their room or the chocolate wrapper in someone’s bin and they don’t care it’s like they feel they can take anything which makes me feel devalued

OP’s posts: |
tallduckandhandsome Mon 21-Jun-21 10:17:21

Maybe stop the pocket money altogether until it stops?

FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:17:32

I’m just going to get a lock

I’m going to speak to then tonight. Enough is enough. The message isn’t getting through. Total ban on being anywhere near my possessions

I’ll get a mini fridge for my room too

Not how I want to live on my own home

OP’s posts: |
AnUnoriginalUsername Mon 21-Jun-21 10:18:07

Get a lock on your bedroom door. When they take your stuff they lose their stuff.

FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:18:21

tallduckandhandsome

Maybe stop the pocket money altogether until it stops?

Yes that’s probably a good idea too

It’s basic isn’t it. Don’t steal. I’m really angry as I’ve always taught them that

OP’s posts: |
khakiandcoral Mon 21-Jun-21 10:18:30

How old are they?
Follow through with the consequences, but how long has this been going for?

HollowTalk Mon 21-Jun-21 10:18:54

I'm afraid the only thing you can do is get a lock for your door. They are very disrespectful and while that has to change, in the meantime you have the right to privacy.

Are you the only adult in the house?

FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:19:23

They clearly feel entitled to my possessions and need to learn boundaries

OP’s posts: |
FedUpppp Mon 21-Jun-21 10:20:04

khakiandcoral

How old are they?
Follow through with the consequences, but how long has this been going for?

11 and 15

Few months now. It’s not getting better so off to get a mini fridge and a lock

OP’s posts: |
pepsicolagirl Mon 21-Jun-21 10:20:31

I would be shocked if my 11 or 15yr old did this and I don't think you're overreacting at all OP. At that age they are old enough to know it's wrong. Do they disrespect you in other areas too?

DoNotEat Mon 21-Jun-21 10:22:09

Depends on the age.
5, then temptation is probably too much.
15, then absolutely not acceptable.
I'd go into their room and just remove some stuff and when they ask just explain why it's ok for you to have stuff removed but they expect privacy.

Spied Mon 21-Jun-21 10:23:11

My DD (11) takes my toiletries despite having her own toiletries.
I actually find it quite flattering and quite cute when I walk in to her room and see my body lotion and body sprays lined up on her shelf.
I also often get a whiff of my perfumes...

Not sure it will be so cute as she gets older.

Summertime21 Mon 21-Jun-21 10:23:53

A lock box for in the fridge may be cheaper

DoNotEat Mon 21-Jun-21 10:24:22

Ah cross post. Yeah that's not acceptable.
I'd be docking pocket money.
They'd work for the stuff paid back.
So rude.

JaneJeffer Mon 21-Jun-21 10:25:28

Hide the chocolate at the bottom of the salad drawer. IME if something isn't visible when you open the fridge door it doesn't exist as far as teenagers are concerned.

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