To think I shouldn’t have to feel like I need to lock my things up

[FedUpppp]

For some reason my possessions are a free for all and I’m sick of it

I’ve explained to the dc they can’t just help themselves to my things-yet they do. Repeatedly.
The consequences for this have been a telling off and having to replace items.

It happens with food (I’m vegan they aren’t yet they’ll eat my vegan chocolate and leave mine and not replace)
Make up will get taken from my room , used, not replaced.

Nobody asks to borrow ? They think it’s acceptable to go to someone else’s room / bag and take.

They’ve been taught about privacy and stealing yet this continues.

I dont see why I should now feel like I have to hide/lock things away ??
So I can’t have cold chocolate ss can’t leave it in the fridge.
Can’t leave my own things out in my own room.

I feel devalued almost as if they see me as a lesser person and they can take off me.
It’s only small items but I’ve had enough of it

[godmum56]

@2bazookas

Take their treasure. It mysteriously disappears in the middle of the night; phones, xboxes, games, tablets, favourite T-shirt, scooter.

Next day, the ransom letter arrives....

this absolutely....and if that doesn't work, the padlock goes on the food supplies and the beds vanish. I'd be incandescent at such rudeness.

[godmum56]

oo oo wifi password change...excellent...then sit around with your phone and your treats texting and laughing

[ememem84]

sympathies dh does this. uses my toiletries and doesn't put them back, or uses up and doesn't tell me he's used up. its so annoying.

[CSIblonde]

For the chocolate yes a mini fridge. The make up thing is weird to me. At that age I had plenty , spent hours in Boots & Superdrug so wouldn't even think of 'borrowing' my DM's. Do they have plenty of their own cheap ( pocket money affordable) brands? Essence, Rimmel, Superdrug own etc ? Wilko has ultra cheap make up now too. A lock on your door or removing their items is prob best.

[Duchess379]

Take their stuff & see how they feel. I'd be having a massive melt down by now.

[thebeesknees123]

• I bought absolutely NOTHING nice for two weeks.
  Halved for food bill!!! Which was interesting but bought absolutely nothing that had even a whiff of treat about it.*
  
  I do love this. I remember doing this when DH moaned about my spending too much on groceries which he was eating then he realised that, if I don't shop, we won't have anything.

[mam0918]

Thing is they do this because they have been allowed while being raised, obviously the consiquences werent enough that its now a common thing.

My kids arent allowed in my room, non have been in our room since they transitioned to their own. They have never even attempted to because since their youngest memories its a room they dont enter.

My oldest has an issue with helping himself to all of a snack without asking sometime (greed more than anything, say theres 3 muffins left he will take all 3 instead of just 1 because hes too lazy to make himself proper food) but he doesnt ever steal stuff thats specifically for someone else like chocolates.

Boundries need to be made more clear, first thing I would do if they invaded my privacy constantly would be to remove theres too. You reap what you sew and if they dont want you going through their belongings and taking things then they shouldnt be going through yours, a taste of their own medicine is more likely to put it in perspective.

Also dont waver on boundries thats what often leads to these things (its ok to be in that room because of X, Y, Z but not W or you can help yourself to X and then being suprised the took Y too - it sends mixed messages).

[Anystarinthesky]

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[Anystarinthesky]

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[Cocomarine]

@mam0918 totally agree with you about avoiding mixed messages.

At least until they’ve corrected their behaviour for a consistent time, don’t complicate things by - for example - it being OK to use your make up as long as it isn’t used up / damaged / is put back.

Many teens are selfish and easily distracted.
When they take the mascara, they don’t MEAN to not return it. They certainly don’t spitefully leave it open to dry out. They just use it, somewhere in their heads meaning to put it back, but then don’t bother. Afterall, you don’t need it back THAT MINUTE, do you? And then it goes pear shaped.

I’m surprised at how many people are suggesting lock boxes instead of addressing the actual behaviour.

You don’t sound like you’ve reached last resort time at all. You may have approached this multiple times, but sounds like you’ve taken the same (fairly woolly, sorry) measures each time.

[idontlikealdi]

I wouldn't be getting locked boxes in my own home, at their ages they need to learn respect. I'd be going down removal of all privileges route. My nearly ten year olds can use my stuff, if they ask, and put it back where it came from in the same condition. No way they can go rummaging in my drawers without asking.

[caringcarer]

If they went on holiday with a friend's family would they steal from them, or is it just you? As you have made them replace items and that has not worked. I would teach them a hard lesson. I would take something one of them loved, say nothing, lock it in boot of my car, and let them hunt for it for ages. When they come to you all upset asking if you have been it, just say oh I just borrowed it. Encourage them to express how they feel. If they do it to you again repeat. After a few times it will dawn on them how they feel is how you feel too when they do it to you. Once they have learned the lesson I would give back their stuff.

[ememem84]

@caringcarer

If they went on holiday with a friend's family would they steal from them, or is it just you? As you have made them replace items and that has not worked. I would teach them a hard lesson. I would take something one of them loved, say nothing, lock it in boot of my car, and let them hunt for it for ages. When they come to you all upset asking if you have been it, just say oh I just borrowed it. Encourage them to express how they feel. If they do it to you again repeat. After a few times it will dawn on them how they feel is how you feel too when they do it to you. Once they have learned the lesson I would give back their stuff.

this.

they are old enough to learn.

[billy1966]

A couple of years ago I read the tip on here of taking their phone charger as a PA way to piss off your children when they were bugging you and not listening.

Such a great tip.
I found it so soothing to watch them scurrying around trying to remember where they had left it, and being so grateful when I would innocently find it an hour later.🤷🏻‍♀️

They mislaid a lot of stuff during this period and I recall were far more careful with their stuff, rather than leaving stuff around the place.

I never said a word, just hid stuff anywhere and everywhere.

Surprisingly relaxing.🤣

[Taikoo]

Take everything off them until they stop it.
I would also remove their bedroom doors.

[Yespresh]

Hide your stuff in the washing machine, they never go there. Sadly we had to lock our bedroom door years ago. Our daughter used to take whatever she fancied. Perfume, money, makeup. She once stole all our leftover dollars and changed it into sterling. She got a terrible rate for it!

[LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag]

You're not unreasonable and really they know what they're doing at that age but don't care. Docking their pocket money to replace stuff clearly isn't bothering them, I'd make them go out and buy a replacement for you. Make it their problem. I'd also say that instead of buying a mini-fridge to put in your room which will hum and annoy you in the night you should buy a lockable fridge box. They cost about £30 on amazon so cheaper than another fridge and then your children will be able to see the snacks but not eat them which will hopefully be a little niggly reminder to their conscience about stealing your stuff.

[Madamum18]

Stop all pocket money. Earn their pocket money back one week at a time, if there is no stealing/interfering with your things!! ??

[Yuppie20]

I wouldn't put a lock on your door cause they will just take things from else where.
I agree with a PP and take their bedroom doors off until they learn their boundaries

[godmum56]

OP come back and tell us what you did

[Middersweekly]

I hear you OP. I have 3 teenagers and they’ve stolen my gluten free items before (usually cookies) I’m a celiac so I can’t eat their regular biscuits. Ive also had other Gf stolen. Eldest dd 17 always steal my tonic water for my 2 G&T’s that I have of a weekend I then have to replace this. Recently DD17 ate an entire tub of icecream designated for pudding following Sunday dinner. I sent her down the shop to replace it. My clothes regularly get stolen, even DH’s baggy T-shirts are not safe! Honestly it’s a minefield and I’ve ranged at them so many times about their selfishness and sanctioned them. I’m not sure what else can be done!

[Hertsgirl10]

@canigooutyet

Girls by any chance? 😂

Mine pulled this crap until one day I had enough and stopped respecting their privacy.

I'd spoken to them. Their brothers and other family members had spoken to them. I know they had done school work around privacy, possessions, respect etc.

The first time I barged in without knocking they went ape shit. Told them oh thought we had done with the whole door knocking thing. When they started with the but, but, buts. I told them but what? I've decided to try things their way. Then one night over dinner I randomly mentioned I was thinking about removing doors as they seem pointless.

I would randomly walk in and take their stuff whether they was there or not. They come home from school and I'd be wearing their stuff. Didn't take long for them to stop when I had the audacity to wear something new! Stretching things out a bit didn't bother them as they liked things loose/baggy.

Like you I have my own treats. I gave theirs away and didn't replace.

I just figured how could they understand how it feels to have your privacy invaded and not respected when they hadn't felt it.

@canigooutyet
Did this work? I was going to suggest something like this, and taking their phones and uploading selfies on Snapchat ...
Did that to my son a couple of times 😂

[Mumkins42]

The consequences aren't effective enough. They need to be effective enough for them to want to stop. Telling offs are rarely enough unless you have really compliant kids. My DC is is very head strong and not what i would call compliant so have to go through this often myself, trying things out until i see what will make something stop.

Stopping the pocket money sounds good. You can be nice about it, something like 'you aren't listening to me kids and I need you to understand my things are out of bounds, I give you guys enough, these things are for me and you ask if you want anything' I'm removing pocket money this week, we can try again next week, fresh start. They will probably kick off but don't give in, be nice, just be firm about it.

[ChelleMum85]

Those pesky kids acting their actual age! How dare they!

You know, you could buy extra of what you like, because they obviously enjoy it, or maybe learn to share and they in turn will learn from you? Definitely buy extra, though- Put names ok each chocolate bar and explain once their's is all gone they are not to have anymore, or you will refrain from buying it.

Reinforce they must ask you if they can share some of your chocolate, because you do need to teach them that sharing is caring, repeatedly. Tell them for every time they ask, they will be awarded a point and the points can build up to a magazine or a book.

[Hertsgirl10]

@ChelleMum85

Those pesky kids acting their actual age! How dare they!

You know, you could buy extra of what you like, because they obviously enjoy it, or maybe learn to share and they in turn will learn from you? Definitely buy extra, though- Put names ok each chocolate bar and explain once their's is all gone they are not to have anymore, or you will refrain from buying it.

Reinforce they must ask you if they can share some of your chocolate, because you do need to teach them that sharing is caring, repeatedly. Tell them for every time they ask, they will be awarded a point and the points can build up to a magazine or a book.

You don’t have teenagers do you?

What ever you buy they eat. You can buy every nice tasting thing on the sweet isle and they will eat it all with out even thinking 😂