Do your parents / PIL give you money?

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m not sure what I’m asking really but here goes.

My DH and I are comfortably off, good professional jobs and a nice lifestyle. We’re not loaded but we live in SW London and have been largely unaffected by the pandemic.

I don’t have parents anymore and my upbringing was dysfunctional so I’m not sure how normal parents behave.

DH’s parents keep giving us money - fairly large sums. We never ask for it and don’t ‘need’ it but it’s usually for something as a gift. Eg. We needed a new front door. We were saving for it but they said they’d like to buy it. Then they thought the porch needed doing (it did) so offered to pay for that too.

Now MIL wants to talk to me and I know she’s going to offer to pay for a new patio as I was talking to her about getting it priced up and saving for it.

PIL are very nice, kind and VERY easygoing people. They don’t try to control us or anything. I think they just want to spread their good fortune a bit but it feels odd somehow?

I’m 43 - surely parents stop this stuff if you’re old and solvent as we are?

So YABU - parents like to do this if they can - just enjoy it.

YANBU - it’s unusual and no parents I know fund their solvent adults home improvements so you should stop taking the money

[hopingforabrighterfuture2021]

I will probably get flamed for this, but OP I would take it and enjoy it, as long as they are happy and willing to. My inlaws do the same for us- mainly for inheritance tax reasons. We never ask, and sometimes I do feel guilty, but they want to do it. My parents have also given us money in the past. As long as you never start to ‘expect’ it, or demand it, (which it sounds like you never would, nor would we), then I think it’s absolutely fine.

[hopingforabrighterfuture2021]

Oh, also, both DH and I work, and don’t spend extravagantly! I think it would be a different story if I announced I was giving up work because we could be supported by our parents. I think a fairly dim view would be taken of that, understandably!

[PotteringAlong]

My mum has started to do it because she has been advised to start giving away money up to her tax free allowance for inheritance tax reasons.

I don’t think it always has to be controlling and awful. They can afford it, they want to do it. It’s fine.

[qualitygirl]

Yes, they do it because that have a lot of it and they want it out of their estate so as to avoid inheritance tax. They gift us the Mac they can each year and they pay for big purchases quite often (we never ask...they just offer!) They also have a trust set up for our children. We are very lucky with their kindness!

[nokidshere]

I agree with @hopingforabrighterfuture2021

As long as it's not an expectation and they can afford it, say thank you and enjoy. It obviously makes them happy and it could be something to do with their own finances and tax etc.

[PyjamaFan]

My parents are always giving me money, just this week one gave me £1000 and a couple of months ago the other gave me £500.

I always feel slightly guilty as I know how lucky I am, but on the other hand they can both definitely afford it as they have generous pensions.

I think parents like to give gifts no matter how old the children!

[Merryoldgoat]

We never ever expect it and it’s very gratefully received. It’s just I suppose I feel a bit awkward talking about future plans as I worry they think I’m hinting.

I want to be able to say ‘We’re saving for a garden room - it’ll be so useful’ without worrying they think I expect them to pay.

DH thinks I’m stupid but he had the idyllic childhood most can only imagine.

[ILoveAnOwl]

Our parents help us out all the time. It's hugely appreciated and whilst I'm slightly uncomfortable with it, I'm also incredibly grateful for the nice lifestyle it affords us, and more importantly our children.

[SaltyAF]

I imagine it's the norm for adults with affluent and generous parents, if my friends and younger colleagues' cars, homes and holidays are anything to go by.

[WinstonsWeirdVole]

Agree it’s likely to do with reducing inheritance tax. As long as they’re of sound mind, enjoy it OP! If I actually stood a chance of being wealthy when I’m older (ha!) I’d do exactly the same for my kids. My MIL always says that money comes to you too late in life and I think she’s absolutely right.

[MeadowHay]

Yeah, I imagine inheritance tax comes into it as PP said.

My DPs are very generous, they're fairly wealthy (at least compared to average salaries etc) and DH and I are not. They've recently given us some money towards buying our first car and have promised us some money towards a deposit for our first house. If we go for a meal or takeaways with them 99 per cent of them time they will pay for all of us. They sometimes take us on holiday. If I go shopping with them (rarely) for whatever reason they will almost always pay for whatever I'm going to buy (food or clothes or stuff for DD whatever). I do always feel a bit weird about it tbh but then on the other hand they want to and can afford to so why should I feel bad about that? My DPs are also open about the fact that with larger sums like towards car, deposit etc they would rather give us the cash now than wait til we inherit it and then the tax implications of that.

[Merryoldgoat]

Ok thank you - sounds like it’s normal then. They can definitely afford it and we all have a very nice relationship which is of great importance to me..

[2Rebecca]

Yes. My dad now in his 80s loved giving his fairly well off offspring money, with no strings. Part of his argument was that when he goes he doesn't want us paying inheritance tax which may happen due yo him living down south and that saving the money is a waste. He's now moved in to a retirement village so won't have much spare cash as he gets some looking after as part of the package. I'm happy to give him extra if he needs it although at the moment we are helping support our children in their 20s. Who are studying/ getting started in their careers.

[EasterChick98]

Sounds amazing, enjoy it! In answer to your question, my parents do pay for things sometimes although not quite on the same scale.

[Merryoldgoat]

Very nice to hear about so many other parents helping out where they can

[Lostinthemail]

I’m sure they rather see you enjoy the money than leaving an inheretance. Since they don’t use it to control or blackmail you and you’re sure their intentions are good: enjoy it.

[Sh05]

My parents do so all the time. Everytime we see my mum she gives me money, she tells me to spend it on the kids if I feel guilty spending it on myself.
My parents also keep a money box and drop loose change in there and then when I see them they'll change it into notes and tell me to use it for my weekly shop.
It makes them happy so I take it and share it out between my children.
My parents are in no way well off but just very generous.

[trilbydoll]

My Dad gave us enough of a lump sum for us to move to a bigger house. His reasoning was he'd rather we could enjoy this money he doesn't need now, and he can see us enjoying it with our small children, rather than us inheriting it in our 50s/60s.

[NobbySignaler]

Not much help here, but parents on either side aren't well off, so apart from the odd £30 here and there we don't get help.

I would say enjoy it if they are willing to offer though. I would love more financial help.

[Aprilshowersandhail]

I would accept it gracefully if you are sure it has no strings... My ils kept their cash to themselves as was their right...
Exh was a liability with money as mil told me.. He proved so.. When they died (mil last) dc got a token amount.. Exh and his dbro got a chunk each. Not sure her logic there as he will waste it in months I presume..

[Vanannabananna]

My very lovely in laws are paying for our loft extension. There are no conditions attached and have left us in complete control. They said they would rather see us and their grandkids enjoy now then when they are dead!

[Jennifer2r]

I have the same situation with my parents, I know they can afford it and they enjoy it but it does make me worry about talking to them about the cost fo new stuff.

I make sure to thank them with a card for everything they buy for me, and spend lots of time with them and also thank them for other things that honestly I'm more grateful for like their time and listening and being proud of me etc.

[78percentLindt]

We have been advised to give money to our kids/pay for stuff as part of our inheritance tax planning, so it could be that.
Providing that they are not going without themselves, just say thank you and enjoy the gifts and them.

[CongealedCrags]

My dad will buy me an ice cream at the park

But one friend's parents have paid for all school fees, huge house deposit etc. Another gets childcare every holiday.

[Pviolet]

My Father is always offering me money, I always say no as I don’t need it and then he tells me just to let him know if I ever do. I think it’s the fact that as a child his family did not have much and now he has the ability to ensure his children and grandchildren never go without so he wants to ensure we have everything we need.