Calling people in laws when not married

[rosie991]

Am I the only one who finds this odd?

I keep coming across people in relationships (but not married) who refer to their partners parents, siblings etc as 'mother in law', father in law, sister in law etc.

Surely the meaning of 'in law' mean you are married to said person 'in law?'

Not sure why it bothers me, just confuses me when someone says this

[MermaidUnicorn]

Yeah I find it odd.

[Cohle]

I think people just use it as a convenient shorthand. I'd struggle to find it irritating or offensive in any way.

[Nanny0gg]

Well as so many live together for years and years, what should they call them?

[okiedokieme]

It's a bit odd though my mil and sil I still refer to despite getting divorced, still close to sil

[Reinga]

I think sometimes people just use "in-law" for ease. It's much less clunky than "my partner's/boyfriend's mum" .

[RedSheep73]

It's just a lot quicker than 'my boyfriend's parents' isn't it. Perhaps they should be outlaws instead?

[DamnItsSevenAM]

You'd hate me, OP, I call my partner my husband and we're not married. It's just shorthand, a simple way to explain the relationship. Seems a bit pedantic to get hung up about to me?

[DesLynamsMoustache]

I used for my SiL and BiL before we got married, just as it was easier than 'my partner's sister's husband' But we had been together six years by then and had a child together. I wouldn't use it about someone I'd been dating for six months.

[Amfeelingfline]

I do that, because it’s quicker to say my MIL than my partner’s mum, we’ve been together more than 15 years. I didn’t with other boyfriends as the relationship wasn’t as secure as this one is 🤷‍♀️

[MargotLovedTom1]

I don't give a monkey's.

[LivingDeadGirlUK]

Are you also one of the 'Shes not a step mum as they arent married' brigade?

[CheekyWeeGobshite]

It's just shorthand, as others have said because there's no equivalent expression as there is with 'partner' for 'husband or wife'. Calling your partner husband when you're not married is strange though IMHO, sorry Damnits

[fantasmasgoria1]

I am engaged and I call my in laws mil and bil what else would they be. Mil has said she considers me to be her daughter and I call her mum.

[Rosebel]

What would would you call them instead? We're married now but even before we would call each others family in laws, just easier. Not sure why it would confuse you (does it matter if they're not married?)

[BilboBercow]

I find people who get their knickers in a twist about stuff like this are people who think the fact that they're married sets them above people who aren't

[Mossyfern]

It's just convenient shorthand isn't it? Maybe a bit off if it's a new relationship, but if people have lived together for years then it makes sense.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Meh, couldn't get worked up about, who even cares? I mean are you genuinely confused? Really? Or are you just being a bit petty

[LadyEv]

I've been with my partner almost 13 years and I refer to his parents as my mil and fil or Pil. I do this partly because it's easier to refer to them as such rather than saying my partner's /mum / dad/ parents every time. Also I'm very lucky in that I have a really good relationship with them both and I think of them as being like a second mum and dad to me and in return they treat me like a daughter. I feel like the term Pil is a true reflection of our relationship and how we feel about each other regardless of whether I'm married to their son or not.

[RoseAndRose]

"Well as so many live together for years and years, what should they call them?"

Outlaws

Especially if FIL looks dashing in green tights

[Owlsintowels]

Agree with Bilbo

We've been together 15 years, two kids, mortgage, I'm effectively married in my own eyes and will be legally as soon as we get round to arranging the actual event.
At the age of 35 it feels demeaning to refer to these members of my extended family as 'partner's sister's husband, partner's mum' etc. I have my own relationship with them which to all intents and purposes is an in-law one, so that's what I call them. It would feel weird not to.

[DustyMaiden]

I have two Sils one legally married for 4 years and one living together for 17 years. Would be strange to refer to them differently.

[UnaOfStormhold]

Outlaws?

[qazxc]

I use in law when referring to dp's family. His sister started it, referring to me as SIL. We have been living together for 10 years and have a child. It's just easier, quicker and less clunky than the alternative. I've never used the expression with any other boyfriends families ( including ex who I lived with for 2 years), and might not have done if dp's sister hadn't started it.

[FizzyGreenWater]

I call my partner my husband and we're not married. It's just shorthand, a simple way to explain the relationship. Seems a bit pedantic to get hung up about to me?

If you're happy with being his partner and not his wife, why would you do that? Genuine question, surely deliberately calling him 'husband' just gives the impression that you see 'husband' as the optimum and therefore must wish you were married? That you have some sensitivity about it, feel it's more 'right' or 'better' to refer to a H?

I'm absolutely not trying to get at you - I've got many friends who are very happily partnered up and can't imagine any of them calling their partners their husbands! I think they'd feel a bit weird doing so, like they were 'pegging' themselves as wishing they were married-?

[FakeFraudSquad]

I find it weird too.

What I find even weirder is that an old school chum, let’s call her Jane Smith had been calling herself Jane Patel on Facebook for years since I reconnected with her. She was “in a relationship with Joe Patel” and calling Jenny Patel (his sister) HER sister ie “Jenny Patel is the best sister ever. Joe and I are so lucky to have you.” So I assumed they were married.

After years of being Facebook friends with her and her calling herself Jane Patel, baby Patel was born.

Then Jane posted a status with a picture of baby Patel wearing a onesie saying “Mummy will you marry my Daddy?” and a ring box in her Moses basket.

And Jane Patel’s status was along the lines of “Ohmig*d WHAT A SURPRISE I can’t wait to marry Joe Patel and become Mrs Patel instead of Miss Smith!!!”

So confusing.

And Joe Patel tagged her in a status saying “Can’t believe it! Officially engaged - Jane Patel said yes x”