Is cousin C being unreasonable?
A group of 24 very close cousins based in the UK, two currently living abroad.
Cousin A announces their engagement in 2018 (followed a few months later by the news that cousin B is also engaged).
Cousin A decides to get married in September 2019.
Cousin B sets the date for their wedding but waits until after cousin A’s wedding has passed before sending out the information.
Cousin A’s wedding takes place- lots of excitement. A few weeks later, info goes out about cousin B’s wedding- more excitement. Date is set for the following year (mid September 2020).
So here we are, in November 2019. Cousin C announces their engagement. There’s lots of excitement.
Cousin C messages cousin B and asks if cousin B is free the weekend before their wedding in September 2020.
Cousin B says that they are booked up in the 2 or 3 weeks leading up to their wedding due to wedding prep and putting up family who are travelling from Australia to be at the wedding. The Australian relatives are from ‘the other side’ of cousin B’s family (they don’t know cousin C and wouldn’t be attending both weddings).
Cousin C is asking about the weekend before cousin B’s wedding, because this is when cousin C would like to get married.
Cousin B expressed surprise and said they would be sad if cousin C decided to have their wedding the weekend before theirs. Cousin B says they were careful when making their own plans, not to tread on cousin A’s toes. They asked why cousin C wants a date so close to theirs.
Cousin C is planning on getting married abroad (France) because this is where they have been living with their partner for the last few years.
Cousin B says they have planned their wedding to be budget friendly and stress free for guests to attend so would be frustrated if cousin C then invited the same 40 relatives to a wedding abroad the weekend before. They say it’s unnecessary to squeeze two big family weddings so close together. Cousin B says it seems unkind to pick the same time to get married.
Cousin C reflects and says they were not thinking properly and apologise. Cousin C says they won’t choose that date.
The next day cousin C suggests setting their wedding date for July or August 2020 instead.
Cousin C isn’t keen but feels there’s little they can do and says they want to focus on their own planning. Cousin B’s partner feels the same way- disappointed but determined not to cause a fuss.
Cousin C is unaware of any reason why choosing to get married in July/ August would be problematic and is not aware of any social norms or etiquette regarding this. They don’t know why they should leave more than a few weeks between the two weddings and can’t see why they should wait for cousin B’s wedding to pass before having their own.
As cousin D points out, the two events are unrelated.
Cousin C is really excited about getting engaged and wants to set their wedding date asap.
Cousin C sends messages to cousin B, explaining they are feeling very upset and would like a bit of reassurance from cousin B that getting married in July/ August 2020 is ok.
Nobody can own or reserve an entire year. A few weeks between each wedding shouldn’t be too much of a problem for mutual relatives should it?
Cousin C doesn’t want to wait to get married. Why should they wait?
Cousin B won’t stand in cousin C’s way but seems reluctant to offer the reassurance and validation cousin C wants.
Is cousin C being unreasonable?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
Wedding date clash- advice for the brides?
174 replies
amoobaa · 19/11/2019 11:06
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
638 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
40%
You are NOT being unreasonable
60%
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.