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AIBU to take away the ham sandwich?

(200 Posts)
Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 10:29:37

My 8yo has been in a pissy mood all morning (most his life)
And he asked for something to eat so I made him a ham sandwich.
So he moaned why was it ham? I don't want ham. I said tough that's what it is, some people don't even have food so stop whining.
Carried on moaning.
Then started moaning, oh fine I'll have to FORCE MYSELF to eat it then!!!
So I took it off him and ate it myself.

And now he's having a wobbler that he's going to starve and it's all my fault.

Please tell me I wasn't being unreasonable and he's being a brat.

Confusedbeetle Sun 22-Sep-19 10:30:58

I think at his age this is agood lesson for him to learn

Soubriquet Sun 22-Sep-19 10:32:22

Well surely he should have had the choice as to what was in his sandwhich in the first place?

Slappadabass Sun 22-Sep-19 10:34:31

Yabu, Just because he's 8 doesnt mean he can't choose what sandwich he would like, next time ask him which sandwich he would like from what ingredients you have I'm the house instead of just making it, better yet, let him make it himself.
The people are starving comment is ridiculous, him not eating a ham sandwich isn't going to change the fact children are starving elsewhere.

SleepingIsOverrated Sun 22-Sep-19 10:34:51

OP, I'd be telling to make his own food outside of lunchtimes from now on. He's 8, he can manage to make a sandwich with whatever filling he desires grin

Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 10:36:52

If he wanted something specific he should have been specific. He just said 'something to eat'
I mean he could get food himself but, I was being nice and he's watching a movie.
He likes ham sandwiches as far as I know. It's ham not raw chicken. He was being ungrateful in my opinion. Is 8yo chronic moaning a real thing or just mine?

Thetiss Sun 22-Sep-19 10:37:48

I think now’s a good time for him to learn to make sandwiches

SimonJT Sun 22-Sep-19 10:38:00

He’s 8, if he wants a sandwich he should be making it himself and clearing up any mess he makes.

My four year old is having a wobbler because someone ate all the oreos (he ate them all on friday), he claimed I’m horrible as he is also starving. I have requested he starves quietly and now I’m ignoring him untol he acts like less of an entitled brat.

Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 10:38:45

The people starving comment is to put into perspective, some people don't have food and he does so why is he moaning about having perfectly fine food.

Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 10:39:47

SimonJT 😂😂😂

Herocomplex Sun 22-Sep-19 10:40:46

It’s really tempting when your kids are in challenging moods to match them with one of your own.

RandomMess Sun 22-Sep-19 10:41:11

I used to put the stuff out on the dining table and mine made their own sandwiches at that age. Life skills need to be practiced wink

Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 10:42:14

Hehe I know 😅 frustrating though. I need a third coffee.
And now he wants a ham sandwich, fancy that.
😤🙈

Slappadabass Sun 22-Sep-19 10:43:10

If he's wasn't specific then you should have asked him, or told him to have a look and make his own.
I wonder where he gets his pissy mood from hmm

Stravapalava Sun 22-Sep-19 10:45:51

If my DC ask for "something to eat" I'll say, sure do you want toast or banana (for example) or ask them what they fancy. I won't just get them a random thing. No wonder he didn't want it. I do agree the 8 yea old dramatics if they don't like / fancy something are very annoying though!

AnOojamaflip Sun 22-Sep-19 10:47:20

I think the need to reset the entire relationship dynamic. No one sounds happy.

He had no choice as to what you made for him to eat. He reacted to this, he reacted badly (but it will be a learned behaviour). You reacted badly to this (was a bit over the top. (Other people having no food, his ending up with nothing.) Maybe fine if you'd given him the choice - "I'll eat it if you dont want it; do you want it?"

When he whines inform him it's wrong and tell him how to behave/react. (Yes whining is annoying, it'll take patience on your part.)

It'd be better to offer choice (even if it's only between two things). Or show him how to make him own sandwich.

Children are usually 'pissy' because they lack control or choice.

youarenotkiddingme Sun 22-Sep-19 10:47:39

Ones the time to employ this conversation.

"Mum I'm starving"

"Nice to to meet you starving, I'm mum. And you know where the kitchen is"

grin

MustardScreams Sun 22-Sep-19 10:47:51

I’m sorry but the wanting a ham sandwich now has made me really laugh! Why ARE kids so utterly ridiculous?!

youarenotkiddingme Sun 22-Sep-19 10:48:30

Nows not ones 🤦‍♀️

KUGA Sun 22-Sep-19 10:49:10

You did the right thing I have done the same.
Told DC`s that this isn`t a restaurant/café you eat what your given or make your own and clean up afterwards.
Lesson learned and all okay.

Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 10:51:18

Hahaha. Exactly! They ARE ridiculous.
I'm totally calling him 'Starving' not his actual name now 😅

Singlebutmarried Sun 22-Sep-19 10:57:24

We get that with an also 8yo. She can now make wraps, sandwiches. If she wants cheese she can grate it, but she’s allowed to chop cucumber/tomatoes/peppers.

Zaphodsotherhead Sun 22-Sep-19 10:57:31

I am a bit agog at all the 'let him choose his own filling'. Unless you gave him something he really hated (doesn't sound like you did), why wouldn't he eat it? Other than being in a strop?

I'm an old gimmer and throwback to days when we had one thing in the entire house you could put in a sandwich, not loads of 'choose your own filling' options. It would be cheese and lump it!

Sounds like he's just in a mood. I'd have eaten the sandwich too! Why shouldn't kids learn that mums can have utterly had enough sometimes - we don't always have to be Mary Fucking Poppins.

Herocomplex Sun 22-Sep-19 10:57:35

Mocking him won’t help. Imagine if you asked for something, were made to feel powerless and then laughed at.

MustardScreams Sun 22-Sep-19 10:59:29

It’s a ham sandwich @Herocomplex, op hasn’t beaten the poor kid and refused to feed him. Can we try and keep the melodramatics to a minimum on a lovely Sunday?

Longdistance Sun 22-Sep-19 10:59:31

My dds are 10 and 8. They know where the kitchen is to make a sandwich, snack, breakfast. The only thing they don’t make is dinner, but can use the toaster and microwave to heat beans/spaghetti hoops up. I’m starting this independence early, it stops the strops.

scoobydoo1971 Sun 22-Sep-19 11:02:53

I taught my daughter to make basic sandwiches at 7 when I was fairly sure she wouldn't chop off her fingers with the knife. She is now 8 and only allowed to use certain knives...that won't cause catastrophic injury to her, the cats, her brother etc. If she or older brother declare hunger at lunchtime, I point to fridge and say 'go find solution'. As others have said here, at 8 I think most children can manage some basic catering, and it teaches independence. If you keep making sandwiches, it is a rod for your own back...

Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 11:04:56

Feeling powerless lol, he can get his own food if anytime he wants, the kitchens open 24/7 so he can help himself anytime.

I agree, children today are given way too much choice, maybe that's overwhelming, rather than just, that's what you're getting, it's not gruel, so get on with it.

Stayawayfromitsmouth Sun 22-Sep-19 11:06:04

Aw just give him the biggest love bomb hug until he gets out of his bad mood. Or send him back to bed. Poor little lamb. grin

Herocomplex Sun 22-Sep-19 11:06:08

Yep Mustard certainly, except
this is AIBU, and her user name suggests this is a regular mood.
Enjoy your Sunday!

Herocomplex Sun 22-Sep-19 11:08:39

Although he’s being ridiculous, ham sandwiches are awesome. I would have been eating one as I handed him his...

BeyondMyWits Sun 22-Sep-19 11:09:49

in our house "I'm starving" is met with "Let me show you how to make a sandwich" - they are 17 and 18 and know full well how... usually met with a grunt.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours Sun 22-Sep-19 11:11:21

i'd make him a ham sandwich for his tea. grin

PuffHuffle5 Sun 22-Sep-19 11:11:24

Mocking him won’t help. Imagine if you asked for something, were made to feel powerless and then laughed at.

I would feel a bit sad and embarrassed I suppose - and then because I’m not a complete pansy I would get over it and I’ll have learnt my lesson. I don’t know what it is about some people that think every tiny negative event or bit of conflict is going to scar a child for life hmm If he usually likes ham then he’s being silly and quite brattish. I think what you did was fine, I’m sure he’ll learn a lesson from it.

Kaykay06 Sun 22-Sep-19 11:12:04

We have cheese for sandwiches that’s it
But I wouldn’t be making one mid morning. Mine have breakfast and a mid morning snack - 2 choices take it or leave it and something they can get themselves. they also only get stuff if they ask nicely
No I’m hungry or starving
No I want
Or make me something etc

I have a 9 year old who cannot decide what he wants and I just have to be firm, he’s also a whiner, it’s tiring constantly but he’s really improved with less choice, and more positivity for his nice manners etc

Although in my head I’m swearing etc some days

CherryPavlova Sun 22-Sep-19 11:14:06

Perfectly reasonable.

treesoup Sun 22-Sep-19 11:14:13

At least it's obvious where he gets the attitude from

Life's much easier if you give them a a couple of options and if they still can't decide leave them to it and tell them to get you when they've made their mind up.

Or just get him to make his own

Heaviestdirtyestsoul Sun 22-Sep-19 11:18:34

I see your 8 year old with a pissy mood, and raise you a nearly 8 year old refusing to get dressed, wanting his brother's sweets as he ate his own yesterday ( he actually screamed and growled when I told him that wouldnt be fair) despite having a huge breakfast is trying to demand a sausage sandwich (I have no sausages and I swear he isn't hungry) and has told me that he is not eating the fruit or yoghurt I suggested as his tummy dosent want it. He is now laying on the sofa drumming his feet on the wall and throwing things at his brother, narrating his concerns at my not feeding him a sausage sandwich. I am about 20 seconds away from suggesting we chop his fingers off and cook them and make a sandwich for his poor brother. I do not know what has bloody got into him today, the backchat is unreal!

notso Sun 22-Sep-19 11:18:54

Bloody hell just ask him what he wants in a sandwich and grow up. He's eight, your presumably much older why are you trying to act at his level?
Model the behaviour you wish to see.

"Mum I'm hungry"
"Ok, there's snacks in the cupboard or fruit or I can make you a ham sandwich"
"Can I gave an apple/cracker/biscuit please"
"Of course you can"

No need for stropping, sarcasm, whining, mocking or some kind of moral tale about starving children.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Sun 22-Sep-19 11:21:45

Lol, OP, that'll larn him!
Whatever else he wanted, I hope you made him get it himself.

Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall Sun 22-Sep-19 11:29:13

Hahaha! Chopping off his fingers for sausages 😂 laughed so loud at that. These replies cracked me up. Well at least it's good to know it's not just our household that has its moments!

WombatChocolate Sun 22-Sep-19 11:32:26

A bit of light hearted mocking, when a child is behaving in a brattish way is a good response to it. It stops them becoming prissy and more self absorbed. Sometimes they will even realise how daft they are and laugh at themselves......when they do that, you know you're getting somewhere.

Definitely not good to pander to ridiculous behaviour, but call them on it.

I like the 'get on and starve quietly' comments. It is mid-morning and to be honest no one really needs a sandwich mid morning and will not suffer a terrible death if they have to wait until lunchtime.

And I agree that there are times to give choices but choices aren't needed at all times. This wasn't a meal but a quick snack and if they are hungry and offered something they usually eat, then what's the issue.

Pandering to bratty behaviour fosters it and leads to bratty teenagers and to be honest, when you see them out and about behaving in an entitled way with their parents, you'll think those parents really should have mocked them a bit younger.

JinglingHellsBells Sun 22-Sep-19 11:33:02

I think we need more context on this...

had he eaten breakfast? If so was it enough to keep him going? what time of day was he demanding food?

I think you were wrong to eat the sandwich - it was a bit spiteful and childish. If my DCs refused food I'd leave it out for them and say if they were genuinely famished, they would eat it ( providing it was wasn't something I knew they hated.)

Personally, unless he'd eaten no breakfast, I'd have suggested an apple, banana, or a piece of cheese. Snacking is a bad habit for anyone though kids in a growing spurt might need a bit of extra protein between meals if they've been active.

I don't think directing him to the kitchen at 8 is a good idea.

A huge and growing number of kids are leaving primary school obese.

As a parent your role is to set good food habits. That means monitoring what they eat not allowing them to ransack the kitchen willy nilly.

Some kids say they are starving when they are bored or want attention.

Only you know if he was genuinely hungry or just whinging for other reasons.

PullingMySocksUp Sun 22-Sep-19 11:33:14

If you have him warning that you were going to eat it if he didn’t stop moaning, then that’s fair enough.
If you just snatched it from him, then that’s behaving worse than him.

atleastimhousetrained Sun 22-Sep-19 11:34:49

Powerless? grin
It’s a loved, well fed kid being petulant about a sandwich.

Heaviestdirtyestsoul Sun 22-Sep-19 11:35:09

Gosh- sorry, reading that back I'm basically saying my child is worse than yours- competitive mum of a naughty kid- ing. Sorry- you did right eating his sandwich though. Perhaps an over enthusiastic session of 'this is how we make a sandwich darling'! Let mummy show you how to use a butter knife! Poor starving boy, it must be terrible! Can you reach a plate darling? Do you want mummy to help? Can you find the ham alright? Until he laughs or admits defeat 😁

Herocomplex Sun 22-Sep-19 11:37:13

Why mockery in the face of brattishness? Why not say how rude and unpleasant they’re being and suggest they go away and rethink how they’ve spoken/acted?

CucinaBreakfast Sun 22-Sep-19 11:38:41

I now want a ham sandwich.

Yanbu.

AlexaAmbidextra Sun 22-Sep-19 11:38:58

I wonder where he gets his pissy mood from hmm

Ffs. 🙄

ChocoholicsAsylum Sun 22-Sep-19 11:39:00

Your first post made me giggle that you ate it. You did nothing wrong lol. As to people are starving, very true and it might not stop someone starving (as someone said this) but it gives him a message that he is lucky and to be greatful!

Branster Sun 22-Sep-19 11:40:13

Ooh I personally detest comments of others are starving so be grateful you have nice healthy food choices when you want etc.
Absolutely pointless.

I think you were mean to take away the sandwich and then eat it. That was his sandwich. You could have asked if you can have if he doesn’t want it.

However, I can see how there was some tension and the whole episode escalated, you are only human and he has been annoying all day which is not easy on you.

It’s easy for me to look from the outside and make suggestions as I am removed from the situation. Please don’t take my comments as criticism, just suggestions which might work in the future.

One suggestion would be to Try and start again, apologise to DS for being exasperated with the incident and explain to him he should choose from what is available and help with getting the sandwich/snack ready next time. He is allowed to eat anything in the house anytime he wants but he’s a big boy now and he can learn how to help with preparation. And he mustn’t be in a mood with you because you’ve done nothing to upset him. He needs to articulate if he has an issue not wonder around the house being moody and annoying and you can help him feel better.

Perhaps next time, Tell him what’s available or offer 2 choices so he feels part of the process and tell him to bring the ham from the fridge whilst you get the bread so you work together. He would feel more invested and appreciate the sandwich and if he really is hungry he’d eat it.

Fruityb Sun 22-Sep-19 11:40:27

Good lord.

I’d have done the same OP. Of course you should have opened the well stocked fridge and asked him exactly what he wanted and bent to every whim.

🙄

I’m a like it or lump it as well tbh. And my son is younger! He likes ham sandwiches for the record.

I’m off to make a sandwich now.

Lowlandlucky Sun 22-Sep-19 11:40:30

At 8 years old he can make his on sandwich if he is that bothered about what he wants. I think you were right OP

Nonnymum Sun 22-Sep-19 11:42:35

Eating it yourself is unreasonable. Telling him that's all you have and he has to eat it or go hungry would be reasonable. That is if he normally ears ham and doesn't hate it.

AlexaAmbidextra Sun 22-Sep-19 11:43:54

I think the need to reset the entire relationship dynamic. No one sounds happy. He had no choice as to what you made for him to eat. He reacted to this, he reacted badly (but it will be a learned behaviour). You reacted badly to this (was a bit over the top. (Other people having no food, his ending up with nothing.) Maybe fine if you'd given him the choice - "I'll eat it if you dont want it; do you want it?" When he whines inform him it's wrong and tell him how to behave/react. (Yes whining is annoying, it'll take patience on your part.). It'd be better to offer choice (even if it's only between two things). Or show him how to make him own sandwich. Children are usually 'pissy' because they lack control or choice.

Why do some people have to over analyse everything? It was a minor incident ffs. No need for all this angst. The OP managed it perfectly. She’s hardly going to be of interest to Social Services.

JacquesHammer Sun 22-Sep-19 11:47:01

Why on earth wouldn’t you ask him what he wanted? confused

Or suggest he makes what he wanted.

Surely children are allowed some agency over what they choose to eat/when?

BertrandRussell Sun 22-Sep-19 11:50:14

I’m worse than any other mother in here. I absolutely banned the word “starving” because- they weren't. And there are kids that are.

SeaSaltandLime Sun 22-Sep-19 11:50:26

Why do some people have to over analyse everything? It was a minor incident ffs.

This ^^.

A kid threw a tantrum because he didn't want to eat a perfectly good ham sandwich.

So it didn't go to waste, OP ate it instead.

It didn't contain the last 2 slices of bread on earth, nor the final slice of ham.
(I.e There's plenty for him to have another one.)

You don't need to climb into the boys brain and try and work out 'why' he's being unreasonable. He just is. Over a sandwich.
I bet if you asked him he wouldn't be able to tell you coherently either.

AlexaAmbidextra Sun 22-Sep-19 11:51:35

Christ. So many intense, humourless parents on this thread. No wonder there are so many badly behaved, entitled children around.

Learn your lesson OP. You must give your little prince whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, no matter how he behaves. You must never say anything negative to him nor act in a way that is less than overwhelmingly loving towards him. You are a cruel woman who doesn’t deserve to have children.

saraclara Sun 22-Sep-19 11:51:52

Jeeze, I thought I took parenting too seriously, back in the day. But some of these responses are incredibly po-faced!

Cohle Sun 22-Sep-19 11:53:44

I wouldn't want a ham sandwich at 10 in the morning to be fair confused

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil Sun 22-Sep-19 11:54:24

YANBU

for crying out loud, it was a ham sandwich he would normally eat, not shit on a stick.

You are not a cafe/personal chef and he was ungrateful.

Id have done the same I do like a nice ham sandwich

youarenotkiddingme Sun 22-Sep-19 11:59:27

You can tell from this thread who's kids will be the ones in secondary school who are always in trouble for doing nothing and those who's kids will admit they made a mistake and accept the consequence.

He got made a sandwich that he could have made perfectly well by himself so he could continue chilling in front of a film.

Unless the OP has omitted a piece of information like - they own and run a cafe and he's sat in it - the child has it pretty good!

WatcherintheRye Sun 22-Sep-19 12:00:00

Can we try and keep the melodramatics to a minimum on a lovely Sunday?

Not sure where you are, but it's peeing down here grin

I still feel guilty about the time I threatened to throw his meal in the bin, when ds was being a whiny brat and then, when he still carried on, I actually did it! We were both shocked, I think. I must have been end-of-tetherish that day, but it did seem to do the trick as far as future mealtimes went!

Bookworm4 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:00:36

Why are there parents here who talk like they’ve ate a psychoanalyst tome?
Looking forward to more whiney entitled snowflakes growing up 🙄
Try and start again, apologise to DS for being exasperated with the incident
Apologise? For him being a brat? Get a grip!

Yabbers Sun 22-Sep-19 12:01:49

and then because I’m not a complete pansy I would get over it and I’ll have learnt my lesson.

Because 8 year olds have that kind of emotional intelligence 🙄

I’m no soft touch by any means but I can’t imagine doing this to DD. Even at ten it would seem unnecessarily cruel. If the same thing played out with an adult, it would be ridiculous. I wouldn’t ever just decide what kind of sandwich OH was getting if he said he was hungry.

cstaff Sun 22-Sep-19 12:02:40

Bloody hell. Some of the comments on here are just a tad over the top. It was just an 8yo kid being stroppy with his mam over a bloody ham sandwich which he didn't want so his mam ate it, and guess what then he wanted it. Quelle surprise.

You did what any normal parent would do OP. Ignore all these bullshit psycho child analysis comments ffs.

JinglingHellsBells Sun 22-Sep-19 12:04:56

@SeaSaltandLime Sun 22-Sep-19 11:50:26
Why do some people have to over analyse everything? It was a minor incident ffs.

why would anyone bother to post on a forum more to the point.
But it's not really a minor point- it's about boundaries and also setting foundations for a good diet (which should not include snacking or demanding food so soon after breakfast.)

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Sun 22-Sep-19 12:05:11

Holy Hell, another bonkers thread, I wonder if I live on a different planet sometimes.
I'd have done the same OP.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sun 22-Sep-19 12:05:40

YABU for making me want a ham sandwich when im hungover and dont have bread or ham. Rude. 🥪

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil Sun 22-Sep-19 12:06:41

Why are there parents here who talk like they’ve ate a psychoanalyst tome?

@Bookworm4 YABVVVU that's not the question.... its whether they were given an option of which flavour psychoanalyst they'd like to eat beforehand grin

JacquesHammer Sun 22-Sep-19 12:07:03

I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t ask what they wanted?

I mean if someone offered you a drink would you expect to be asked what you fancied or just given whatever they thought you might want.

Isn’t a more normal conversation

“Can I have a snack”
“What would you like”

Or
“Can I have a snack”
“Of course, help yourself”

myself2020 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:09:51

The rule innour house is that if you want something specific, you make it yourself. otherwise you eat what you are given. oldest is 6, and has been making his own sandwiches since reception. At 8 i would have been more than annoyed at the attitude, and refused to make him anything for the rest of the week.

StroppyWoman Sun 22-Sep-19 12:10:47

YANBU and your 8yo was being an arse.

It's pretty common; there's a massive hormone surge in boys around then. My two lads were right PITA at that age - one was always furious, one burst into tears over everything.
Your lad can make his own darned thing - 8yo are perfectly capable of doing a piece of toast or fetching fruit.

honeylulu Sun 22-Sep-19 12:12:13

I think it was an entirely appropriate response (and quite funny as well). I agree with the posters saying that pandering breeds prissy entitled kids, who then become prissy entitled adults.

Whilst I doubt think children have the same emotional intelligence as adults, adults feelings/ time/ resources are important too. Constantly dancing attendance on demanding and ungrateful kids fosters brattishness and drains the adults.

I threw my son's dinner in the bin once when he kept griping (in short, how dare we cook something that wasn't his favourite just because the rest of us wanted it). I gave him two warnings then in the bin it went. His dinnertime behaviour has improved notably since then. He was 14 though and really old enough to know better.

PeriComoToes Sun 22-Sep-19 12:12:25

Wonder where he gets his 'pissy' attitude from?

Jamhandprints Sun 22-Sep-19 12:12:44

He’s 8, if he wants a sandwich he should be making it himself and clearing up any mess he makes.

Obviously, childhood ends at 7. He shouldn't be watching a film anyway. Doesn't he have school uniform to wash and iron? Then a roast to make? The weekly shop to do?

Idratherhaveacupoftea Sun 22-Sep-19 12:16:30

As an oldie, I am amazed at parents constantly asking the children what they would like to eat and making 2-3 different meals etc.As a child we were never asked what we would like. Our meals were put in front of us and we had no choice in what we ate. Obviously if we really hated a particular vegetable etc it would just be left off the plate, but not given a different meal to everyone else.

Yabbers Sun 22-Sep-19 12:19:01

The rule innour house is that if you want something specific, you make it yourself. otherwise you eat what you are given

Weird rule. Are people not allowed to have a preference for what they want to eat?

MrGsFancyNewVagina Sun 22-Sep-19 12:19:05

I wonder where he gets his pissy mood from hmm

From half the posters on here by the looks of it!

OP, thank you for posting that. Although it did make me laugh, it’s still not as funny as the moral outrage on here. 🤣 Have we had an influx from the pretty ticker site, or something?

Bookworm4 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:20:35

@BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil
Aargh how thoughtless of me😔

JacquesHammer Sun 22-Sep-19 12:21:21

Have we had an influx from the pretty ticker site, or something?

No idea.

I just can’t understand the OP when her son was in a “pissy mood” - she would engineer a situation. When a simple “what would you like” given she had already decided to make him a snack would have sufficed.

WombatChocolate Sun 22-Sep-19 12:21:29

Well 2 types of parenting come across clearly here.

There’s the don’t use the ‘no’ word and negotiate on everything to give power and choice to the child, and give however much time is needed to get child to happy place in each incident

And

Don’t put up with their nonsense.

It’s funny isn’t it that the first group will always look to blame someone else or find a cause outside of the child for any incident which occurs in the home or outside. It will always be another child or the teacher or the circumstances or something. Other people could have always acted differently or been more patient to bring about a different outcome. Straight talking and a ‘no’ or saying ‘this is not acceptable and is stopping now’ don’t seem to be used.

Straight talking isn’t being cruel. A bit of light mocking ‘go and starve quietly in the corner’ isn’t damaging. Straight talking can be combined with choice giving and huge amounts of love and empathy. Allowing unacceptable behaviour to continue and grow because of a lack of clear boundaries and parenting is the damaging thing......but those parents always blame someone else.....perhaps occasionally themselves, but the child never bears any responsibility.

Haha, a ham sandwich reflects the 2 approaches to parenting!

Aderyn19 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:23:30

I think children sometimes have too much choice. When a child is in a stroppy mood, it doesn't matter what you say or how many choices they get, said child will still be stroppy.
I find my DD (age 12) eats a lot better when I just cook and present her food to her,breather than going through myriad options that result in me making different meals for each member of the family.
Provided you have given him food that he actually likes, then he has nothing to moan about.
Some of the responses in here explain why some kids grow up to be total drama llamas. You did okay OP - you are saving him from being the kind of adult who has Facebook spats wink

willowmelangell Sun 22-Sep-19 12:24:47

OP, We had to clear our plate as children. Faced with butter beans and reluctant children, my parents would say 'children are starving around the world.' and in my head I would be thinking, 'Well, send them the butter beans then.'
Never eaten them since I left home. Or marrow. grin

Fruityb Sun 22-Sep-19 12:24:48

Maybe you two need to sit down and air your differences. Maybe he has had past difficulties with a sandwich you didn’t consider? Maybe the ham rhymes with the name of someone he doesn’t like at school and so it exacerbated the problem.

I wasn’t allowed snacks as a kid - my son is. Mainly because I’m one of five and we had enough for meals and that was it. However if he says snack he gets fruit or a yoghurt or (shock horror) maybe a ham sandwich. And possibly not long after his breakfast either 😱😱

I asked on here about his constant demands for snacks and was told to just give them to him as he’s growing. Then I read people saying snacks are the devil. I was told giving choices leads to tantrums so just don’t offer the choices, then I see people here saying why didn’t you ask what he wanted.

You made me laugh OP. I’ve lost my pearls long ago 😂😂

MitziK Sun 22-Sep-19 12:25:13

Has he starved to death, yet?

No, didn't think so.

SheSaidNoFuckThat Sun 22-Sep-19 12:26:21

I'm with you @Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall I'd have done the same. You said he said he wanted "anything as he seas hungry" so you made him something, as requested.

All this nonsense over choices, I meal plan, I shop - eat what you're given imo

SheSaidNoFuckThat Sun 22-Sep-19 12:28:29

* as he's hungry - no seas were mentioned 😂

YouJustDoYou Sun 22-Sep-19 12:28:42

Wonder where he gets his 'pissy' attitude from?

Not from op. God forbid a parent tried to teach a kid a lesson!

I've done similar op. I won't accept ungrateful behaviour. Good for you for not either.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Sun 22-Sep-19 12:29:40

As an oldie, I am amazed at parents constantly asking the children what they would like to eat and making 2-3 different meals etc.As a child we were never asked what we would like. Our meals were put in front of us and we had no choice in what we ate. Obviously if we really hated a particular vegetable etc it would just be left off the plate, but not given a different meal to everyone else.

This was my world too @Idratherhaveacupoftea Welcome to the world of a Gen X. No wonder parents today are frequently frazzled.

I do get that that the world has changed but ….. fuck me, it's not always for the better!

Drivenmad80 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:30:44

I'm making Sunday lunch. My 6 year old has just informed me that he will only eat mini roast potatoes. The big ones are not real apparently 😬😬😬

Xenadog Sun 22-Sep-19 12:31:09

Wombat summed it up perfectly. OP, I think you did the right thing by eating the sandwich. If left, it was going to dry out and then end up in the bin and what a waste that would be. Your DS has learned that his crap attitude has consequences, an excellent thing to know.

joblotbubble Sun 22-Sep-19 12:31:23

He was about to eat it, after moaning, so you took it and ate it yourself confused

What do you think he learned?

WombatChocolate Sun 22-Sep-19 12:35:47

I’d say he learned that if he asks for food and some is brought, he’d better get on and eat it without a huge scene, because if there’s a huge scene, it might not still be available in 10 mins.

Good lesson ....will make him consider if he really wants to make a scene next time.

If op had pandered and gone and made another sandwich he would learn tantrums pay off and he can always have his own way. Why would any parent want to teach that?

missyB1 Sun 22-Sep-19 12:37:13

You descended to his level. Some parents do this as they think it proves a point and the kid will get it. I think it usually just inflames a situation unnecessarily.
I would have called him out in his rudeness, asked for an apology, and asked if was going to eat it or it was going in the bin.
I think you reacted in the moment without thinking.

youarenotkiddingme Sun 22-Sep-19 12:39:56

It's the sort of thing my mum would have done - she rocks! Things were all rosy and I'm the black sheep but she certainly taught me an important life skill. Do it yourself or take what your given. Don't rely on others to make you happy.

My ds would get what he's given if he just asked for a drink food.

He'd get what he wanted if he asked for a specific drink or food.

He wouldn't be sitting their like lord muck watching tv asking for food and then having me run around like a waitress and cook making him something else because he didn't want the food I'd made.

And of course if he didn't want it I'd eat it (well I wouldn't as I'm GF but .....grin) waste not want not!

Skittlesandbeer Sun 22-Sep-19 12:40:56

Well today is the first day of 2.5 weeks of school hols where we live. My 8yo whined at 11.30am about being hungry and desperately wanting guacamole. Dramatic, much?

No way am I setting any precedents for the next fortnight along the lines of ‘certainly darling, let me make endless gourmet snacks for you between mealtimes, how much coriander do you prefer, honey bunny?’

I took her to the nearest shop, gave her a (small) lunch budget and waited in the car. Drove her home, showed her a Pinterest recipe and the chopping board and left her to it.

She did a decent job, very passable smashed avocado thingo. So she effectively made my lunch. She learned a lot, felt proud at her achievement. Job done.

I’d ask her to make me a ham sandwich too (now that this thread has given me a craving) but it’s coming on 10pm here and it might be a tadge unreasonable to wake her to do it? grin

Herocomplex Sun 22-Sep-19 12:42:56

I’ve just made myself a ham sandwich. It was delicious.

WombatChocolate Sun 22-Sep-19 12:44:13

It was a reaction in the moment....but it was a good one.

The child is 8, not 2. They don’t need an in depth ‘what is it which is making you angry and what can I do to help you’ discussion about every situation. Sometimes actions speak louder than words - the sandwich going in the bin, or being eaten and no longer available, after a protracted conversation had already occurred signalled that discussion is over. And it’s absolutrly right that it is over at a point. Op didn’t make the sandwich and instantly eat it....it was after the ridiculous behaviour and failure to be reasonable. Consequences happen. Sometimes fairly quickly and for a child of 8 to realise they should consider their behaviour a bit more is a good thing. An 8 year old does not need treating like a 2 year old.

And love the idea upthread that he’d had a bad experience before with a gam sandwich that op didn’t know about and discussing those issues would help....loving it, because that IS how some people would approach it. Very amusing.

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