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AIBU?

GCSE results not great ......how do I behave?

170 replies

CharlesRiver · 23/08/2019 01:01

Hi All,

Not sure if this is the best place for this but here goes.

DS’s GCSE results were not great. Mixture of 5’s and 4’s (more 5’s by one). Luckily, he got accepted back into his school (with conditions) to do two of his A level subjects, but has had to change one.

He wouldn’t have been accepted in his other choice of school, so I was really grateful and relieved and so was he. I am absolutely gutted with the results and he’s not so groovy himself. One of the conditions is a retake of one subject - and here’s my dilemma....

How do I behave? Do I go softly softly and let him enjoy the rest of the holiday or do I go gung-ho and ask him to start studying now? Or should watch and see if he takes the initiative?

AIBU for having feelings of embarrassment and feeling like a failure (even though I know he’s got to take some responsibility)?

I cried to a friend earlier today. Is anyone else feeling like me?

OP posts:

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PlaymobilPirate · 23/08/2019 01:05

Eh?? He passed them all! Yabu!

PointlessUsername · 23/08/2019 01:07

5's are B and passes so that is good no?.

gluteustothemaximus · 23/08/2019 01:08

4 is a standard pass and 5 a strong pass. He passed all his exams, that's good? And he got accepted back to his school, also good.

I'd leave him be x

poolblack · 23/08/2019 01:10

How do I behave?

WTF

Act like a fucking adult.

LagunaBubbles · 23/08/2019 01:12

So he passed all his exams and you are crying and feel like a failure? Were you pressurising him to get top marks? What's wrong with his marks if you think they aren't great?

IHaveBrilloHair · 23/08/2019 01:13

25 years on I still remember my Mum being clearly disappointed with my results.
I passed everything, but not with top grades.
You support him, you are proud of him, and you make damn well sure he knows it.

CremeEggThief · 23/08/2019 01:14

YABU. He passed everything and got enough to do a course of his choice. Yes, they're not the greatest GCSE results ever, but that doesn't matter. There are plenty of kids who really haven't done well. Hide your disappointment from your boy and show him that you're proud of him.

mavidmowie · 23/08/2019 01:14

Get a grip OP, he passed them and a 5 is certainly not something to be scoffed at. He got onto his A Level course so he's in a brilliant spot. My DD scored 5's and she certainly isn't a failure...

CremeEggThief · 23/08/2019 01:15

And for goodness sake let him chill out and enjoy the rest of the summer!🙄

IamtheOA · 23/08/2019 01:18

He passed!

How do you behave? You tell him that you are proud of him for about a million things, and for passing his GCSE's.

Btw- if he struggled to get the 4's and 5's ( which is fine!!) He may want to consider a mix of A levels and BTECS

Thymeout · 23/08/2019 01:20

If you both know he could have done better, saying that at least he passed will sound fake.

But you're his mother and you love him and you know he's disappointed, so no need to rub it in. I'd wait for the right moment and have a discussion about what he thinks would help him to do better next time. Ask him if there's anything you could do that would keep him on the straight and narrow? Where does he think he went wrong. At least with GCSE's, there's a fresh start in September and it's A levels that count for the future.

mumtomaxwell · 23/08/2019 01:25

As a secondary school teacher with 20 years experience I say YABVU to be disappointed and leave him be!

Mostly 5s is great, being accepted into 6th form to study A levels is even better. Let the kid enjoy the next week or two before he has to get back into it all. Focus on the future - 6th form should be a fresh start!

Greeborising · 23/08/2019 01:32

Op it’s ok to be gutted. You obviously hoped for better results.
Good thing is he passed and has an A level placement.
There’s a middle ground to be had here. Don’t go all Gung-ho on him, it sounds like he’s feeling a bit shite himself.
And don’t be all “you sleep in till 3pm darling “
You’re disappointed, he’s disappointed.
Lesson learned.
He has a chance, he has a future.
Talk to him, be supportive but not a walk over

YouLookGood · 23/08/2019 01:33

A clutch of Cs (high and low Cs) is a lot better than some poor other kids tonight!

Thymeout · 23/08/2019 01:42

Mavid I've taught pupils who did brilliantly to get an F under the old system. And of course your dd isn't a failure.

But if Op's ds hasn't been putting the effort in and achieved lower grades than he's capable of, then he needs to make some changes to cope with the higher demands of A level. It's not just the content of the course, but the fact that there'll be more independent learning. He'll need to be more disciplined about avoiding distractions till he's finished his school-work and not leaving things to the last minute, if that's the reason for under-performing.

Or perhaps academic work isn't for him. Might be a good idea to have a word with his teachers to see what they feel about his results and his choice of subjects.

TheFrendo · 23/08/2019 01:47

Getting 5s at best does not bode well for A level.

Has your DS looked at other options - college course or apprenticeships?

ymf117 · 23/08/2019 02:15

It's okay to be disappointed and sounds like you both are. I think there are many in the same boat thinking how could I have supported more, if it was all down to independent working then there would be no teachers. Do the results mirror the predicted grades?

I think the other side is that you both knew they could be better so it's not failing exams but not reaching full potential which is frustrating as a mum when you know they are capable of more, esp when options have been limited.

I'm not familiar with current breakdowns of results, are you able to find out how close he was to reaching the higher grades?

Although I do think sometimes it's best to chalk up as experience and draw a line under it, he still has the chance to gain better a levels. Maybe talk to the school about a possible resit, I failed a gcse and got an a level in it instead

pickme · 23/08/2019 02:24

Give him a hug if he will let you and say well done. Be proud. If he didn't work his socks off he may well have learnt his lesson himself. if he did give it a while and ask how you can help him for his A levels.

CrumpetyTea · 23/08/2019 02:26

I think it depends on whether he did better or worse than expected and whether he worked for them. If he worked really hard and to the best of his ability then leave him be.
If he didn't work hard and didn't get what he wanted then feel free to have ago at him (although it is abit late- and also it may be that the results are a kick up the backside in themselves and you don't need to)
The difficult one is if he worked hard but got disappointing results- and I mean disappointing for him rather than you- I think then you just need to talk to him/sympathise rather than go in hard- I also thin that in this case he may need to reassess what is he doing next- is it based on false assumptions about his ability/exam skills etc

Kiwiinkits · 23/08/2019 02:50

His results are not yours. Look honestly at your own motivations. How much of this is ego, and how much is fear? Because neither ego nor fear should count.
He will find his way. Your job is to support (and to try your very utmost to not lecture or cajole or impose). It’s his life.

Aragog · 23/08/2019 02:55

A 5 is a high C, low B grade (in old grades) so it's not a bad grade at all. It not 'just a pass' either. It's a strong pass and bordering the B too. A B is nothing to be upset about!

A grade C is a new 4 which is a pass.

Mummyshark2019 · 23/08/2019 03:00

B and C is not bad OP.

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Alicewond · 23/08/2019 03:05

Stop trying to take his feelings as your own. He did as well as he could, and much better than others. Grow up and support him for who his is and what results he got, rather than what you dreamed of

SockMachine · 23/08/2019 03:38

Did he work well throughout the 2 years and revise? Or did he wing it?

If he messed about and did little revision I would tell him you are very pleased that he passed everything but that he now needs to up his game and work harder at A level. Tell him that changing a subject and needing a re-sit have used up his joker card and he is lucky to get into the sixth form and needs to rely on hard work now.

If he has been conscientious and worked hard tell him he has fine really well to pass and be supportive of his next steps. Maybe ask if he wants to get a head start by going over his notes for the re-sit subject.

BobbyPuck · 23/08/2019 03:51

It's possible he tried his best and that's what he's capable of. Leave him alone. If he wants to work he will do

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