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AIBU to take exception to being offered 'a night off' at a wedding?

(526 Posts)
SomethingStupidSomethingGreat Sat 13-Apr-19 23:40:27

DH and I have been awaiting a formal invite (after the 'save the date' had been sent) for a wedding in 3 months time. We were expecting it to be a child free wedding, which is fine... and to be honest, who 'really' wants to take young children to a wedding?
However, the invite arrived and states
'We love your kids but thought you would like a night off, so adults only please'
... we won't be going as dc2 is bf and an avid bottle refuser so I can't leave her. I don't mind, they are not close family and I have massive wedding fatigue after so many last year... but something has really irked me about the phrasing of the invite. I almost (I won't because I'm only a dick in my head and in anonymous forums) feel like saying...
'Thank you for thinking for us, yes we'd love a night off but unfortunately our dc will starve if she doesn't have almost constant access to my breasts.' (The wedding is 5 hours away).
Full disclosure, I do realise that none of this is the couples fault.
I'm not sure what phrasing would have been better and not irked me? I guess it just grated a bit that actually some people don't have the choice of a night off from their kids no matter how much you love them 😬

Crunchymum Sat 13-Apr-19 23:43:13

Your baby wouldn't starve though?????

You have rightly refused the invite so job done.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls Sat 13-Apr-19 23:44:08

The wording is cringeworthy.

They need to own their thoughts , and just simply state they have chosen a child free wedding.

It would irk me too.

NoFancyUserName Sat 13-Apr-19 23:44:28

You're being over sensitive. I don't see anything wrong with it personally.

SomethingStupidSomethingGreat Sat 13-Apr-19 23:44:56

The baby would be absolutely ravenous if I had to leave it 5 hours drive plus all day and night at a wedding and 5 hours back...

SomethingStupidSomethingGreat Sat 13-Apr-19 23:46:46

@NoFancyUserName I probably am being overly sensitive - massively sleep deprived. The wording just got me a bit for some reason. Not sure what they could have put. I think I just don't like someone doing my thinking for me 😂

64sNewName Sat 13-Apr-19 23:48:14

It’s silly phrasing anyway because that is obviously not going to be the main reason they aren’t inviting children, so it comes across as insincere/patronising.

But I don’t like weddings or big gatherings much, so I would say that. grin Can honestly think of nothing less like a night off than going to a wedding reception!

SomethingStupidSomethingGreat Sat 13-Apr-19 23:48:21

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls yes I agree. Totally up to them if they want a child free wedding, their prerogative.

I guess they were aiming for 'breezy?'

SomethingStupidSomethingGreat Sat 13-Apr-19 23:49:08

@64sNewName 🙌 I'm with you. I honestly don't know why more people don't elope!

Hwory Sat 13-Apr-19 23:51:48

It’s a standard phrase for child free weddings that doesn’t say we don’t want you shitty kids fucking up our wedding vibes.


Squeegle Sat 13-Apr-19 23:52:22

Yes agree it feels patronising

JudgeRulesNutterButter Sat 13-Apr-19 23:53:16

Instead of owning their decision they’re trying to make out that they’re doing you some sort of favour. It’s bloody annoying.
My cousin had a better wording but I can’t remember it now, basically said that they would like their gathering to be adults only and they hoped we didn’t mind. It was actually bloody inconvenient but didn’t offend me in any way because they were being sincere. It’s the disingenuous “oh we’re only thinking of you” - no you’re not, you’re costing me time and money and hassle and worry.

Butterymuffin Sat 13-Apr-19 23:54:22

It's become an acceptable way to phrase not wanting kids at the wedding. I think the irksome bit is themtelling you it's all about you - they love your kids, they'd have them there if it was up to them, but you the guests want a night off so they've made the decision for you... confused

MsVestibule Sat 13-Apr-19 23:55:40

YANBU. I have no issues with people choosing a child free wedding but don't make out you're doing me a bloody favour!

Cryalot2 Sat 13-Apr-19 23:57:08

The wedding is child free, did you expect that you could bring your dc because you are bf? Maybe couple not aware .
It's 3 months away, possible she may be accepting a bottle then .
To be fair I don't think it's something a couple should have to think about.

AnnieMay100 Sat 13-Apr-19 23:57:10

Sounds like a ‘polite’ way of informing guests they don’t want any children there, I’m sure you aren’t the only people to have that message so don’t take it personally. They’ll have to accept and understand those who can’t make it for that reason.

BedraggledBlitz Sat 13-Apr-19 23:58:05

It wouldn't bother me, they probably weren't thinking about your specific needs with breastfeeding, and intended it as "if you can, book a babysitter and enjoy the party." Seems fair enough on their wedding day.

NC4Now Sat 13-Apr-19 23:58:27

It’s annoyingly because they’ve tried to turn it round so they are doing you a favour. I hate it when people do that.
Just be upfront about what you want ffs. No need to butter me up.

MarthasGinYard Sat 13-Apr-19 23:58:39


Polite way of saying no kids

You weren't wanting to go anyway so I wouldn't get irked TBH

MarthasGinYard Sat 13-Apr-19 23:59:19

'they probably weren't thinking about your specific needs with breastfeeding,'

And of course this.

RobertSmithdoesmyhair Sun 14-Apr-19 00:00:54

Why does the wording offend you so much? If they don't want children there, that's their choice. If it offends you, don't go! Their wedding, their choice! The words they use are irrelevant! I'd love an excuse to have a night away without the kids!!

Cherrysherbet Sun 14-Apr-19 00:02:09

Thanks for the invite. We love our kids too, that’s why we will be spending your wedding day with them, not with you 😘😘😘

Nofunkingworriesmate Sun 14-Apr-19 00:02:16

We have no babysitters as parent sadly dead and can’t afford babysitters , it would hurt me when ( usually child free ones with grandparents who save them ££££ in free on tap childcare) casually asked us to leave child at home for their function , hit me in the guts everytime and obviously I could not understand how they could not want my awesome child at their birthday meal 😀. But I just wryly smile now And think cant till you do get it

NunoGoncalves Sun 14-Apr-19 00:03:58

This is one of the least irksome things I've ever read. I think you're being a little easily irked, OP. Maybe you DO need a night off!

hiyahen Sun 14-Apr-19 00:04:14

The phrase is annoying because it's untrue. They don't love your kids, otherwise they'd be there. They don't care if you get a night off or not, they just care to invite you to their child free wedding.

Of course it's fine for them to have a child free wedding. I think they should have just stated the fact that it would be child free - instead of saying it was for your benefit, when it is actually for theirs.

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