Class Teacher handing out party invitations

[Penguincake]

I am quite willing to be told I am BU. My son has Autism and can occasionally push children when he is panicked. He has been doing a lot better recently and his teacher has said he is forming good relationships. However I understand that some children might be wary of him.

He has been in reception since September and has not been invited to a single party. I totally accept a parents choice in not having a child who pushes at their child's party.

What does hurt though is when there is a party, the class teacher or TA stands at the door at class time with a big wodge of invitations and gives them to each child as they leave. Yet again today they had a stack of invitations and my son was the only one walking out without one. He has started to question why he doesn't get a "card". It all feels so bloody thoughtless and cruel.

I think class teachers should refuse to hand out invites unless everyone is invited. Or maybe I should just suck it up and reconcile myself to the fact that for my son and I that this is the way of the world.

[ahtellthee]

I feel your pain, my DS1 experiences similar. Only invites from our friends despite him inviting the whole class every year.

I'm afraid, it kinda goes with the territory. It totally sucks though.

All you can do is to teach your children to be inclusive and kind, esp not to exclude.

[OwlinaTree]

Not everyone can have a whole class party though. Better for teachers just to pop them into book bags quietly than that public distribution.

Maybe suggest she does that instead?

[Dippypippy1980]

I have never heard of teachers giving out party invitations. I don’t think they should get involved in social events. If I was a teacher I would refuse - parent should negotiate this awkward minefield alone.

[Imaystillbedrunk]

Our school don't let teachers hand out invites, and they can only be given out in the playground by parents, for this reason

The only exception is for those in wrap around care and the teacher discretely adds them into the home school diary with the reading books.

[formerbabe]

I don't think teachers should do this unless every child is invited.

Oh and the parents are cunts.

[Duckee]

That's really cruel. I really feel for both you and your ds. They should be popped into book bags if teachers are giving them out.

[OwlinaTree]

A parent handing them out on the yard would be much more public and obvious than putting them into book bags though.

[Leeds2]

I so feel for you, and DS. It is horrible of the parents to invite all the children in the class, apart from one (which I think is what you are saying happened), and for the teacher to hand them out in such an obvious manner. I think I would have a word with the teacher about this if DS is upset - s/he may not have realised that there was one missing if they were given a thick wedge of envelopes.

[musicinspring1]

I’m a teacher and we’re not allowed to give out invites for precisely this reason. I’m sorry for your DS.

[TwinkleMerrick]

I'm a teacher and I agree with you. It's opening a whole can of worms to hand out invitations for events that are not linked to school. But perhaps the teacher has not realised that your son has not been invited to any parties (I bet he isn't the only one), perhaps they think they are doing a favour for the parents. More likely it is a way of them managing the situation rather than the children handing out invitations out at the start of the day when they are trying to settle the group and get the children in the school/learning frame of mind.

I find it's always better to offer a solution when presenting a concern to someone. Have a quiet word with the teacher, understand they are busy people and that you can see they are trying to control the group while handing out invitations and ask if it could be done in a different way so your son doesn't feel left out. Do the children have trays? Could they be put directly into trays instead? Then children can collect them themselves at the end of the day.

Good luck xx

[HauntedPencil]

Ours puts them discretely in the book bags for the child to take home which I think is better.

I think that's actually a better option than not going if at all or you'd have parents fussing doing it at drop off which would be just as noticeable

[DanielRicciardosSmile]

I always thought the reasoning behind the teacher giving out the invitations was that they could slip them unseen into book bags and avoid the exact situation you're describing. I'm baffled as to why they would think this was the way to do it.

[HauntedPencil]

I agree but I think quite a few schools do it that way.

[Dreamingofkfc]

Are you definitely sure everyone else was invited? My son is in reception and just seems odd that your child would be singled out to not be invited for every party already (not saying anyone should be singled out though)

At my son's school I asked for a class list and they said people tend to invite all or just a few. We went with all as my son couldn't really pick just a few as he didn't know many people at that point.

[IggyAce]

Our school doesn’t allow invites to be handed out in class or by the teacher they are handed out by the child at the end of the day.
I’m sorry that you and your son have to deal with this. I would say something to the school it’s extremely unfair that he is the only one been excluded.

[MummytoCSJH]

I have a 4 year old with suspected ASD/ADHD and we have this exact same issue. There have been so many times he has been the only one to not receive an invitation. The kids he says are his 'best friends', even, and he has cried not knowing why he couldn't go. There was one last weekend and the kids had been talking to it, and he cried, said he had forgotten and that it was all his fault. He was never invited. Sometimes I do think it is the parents who don't want my son to go due to his 'naughtiness' as the kids love to play with my son but then he doesn't get invited. I'm sorry you are going through this too. It is unnecessary and mean for the teachers to hand them out this way, it should be done discreetly and I don't think whole class parties should be a thing if the whole class won't be invited :(

[OhDearGodLookAtThisMess]

Our school policy is clear: staff have NOTHING to do with party invitations.
We have enough to do without adding 'social secretary' to the list.

[MolyHolyGuacamole]

How awful OP, I'm so sorry. My mum has been a teacher for years, and this has always been an issue of contention. So she developed a strict policy: if you aren't inviting the whole class, then you're to give them out privately and not involve her at all. It's fine to not invite everyone, but she's had several instances where parents think it's ok to invite all but one. It's petty and cruel.

[Sirzy]

It’s horrible when they aren’t invited. Even worse when your nose is rubbed in it. The school need to be more discrete about it.

It’s bad enough seeing other parents posting pictures on social media and realising yours in the only child not there let alone it being rubbed in faces by teachers

[dreichuplands]

I confess I am surprised that any parent would be mean enough to invite the whole class except one dc. I would talk to the teacher about the whole situation not just the handing out invites. It is really horrible.

[Yellowcar2]

As a teacher I would never hand out party invites it has absolutely nothing to do with me.

[Sirzy]

confess I am surprised that any parent would be mean enough to invite the whole class except one dc.

Oh they would. Often the parents are worse than the children.

[Treaclepie19]

That's horrible for your DS
I would have a quiet word too.

[asparalite]

That is ridiculous, in some schools parents ask the class TA if they could put invitations in book bags so it's done discreetly.

[Ozzybobgoblin]

That's awful! Our teachers wouldn't do that. The parents in my kids class send texts for party invites. If you don't have someones number, the parent would very discreetly give the other parent an invitation. If I was you I would be having a word with the teacher.