To be fed up of dh moaning that he’s hungry?

[Breadfoam]

Dh is on a diet. He’s reduced his (massive) consumption down to 2000 calories a day. He spends a lot of time moaning that he is hungry and when we go places talking about how upsetting it is that he can’t eat what he wants. For example if we go out for a meal or something - previously he’d have had the biggest thing on the menu and some drinks but he has cut back.
Fair enough he’s doing well and he’s lost weight.

However because I’m a t1 diabetic and my sugars are brittle since having my daughter I can barely eat at all. It’s been 18 months since I ate a meal of any description and when we go out I actually have nothing to eat at all. I can either be hungry or feel ill so most of the time I am hungry. Occasionally I’m so hungry that I could cry. It pains me when he goes on about how hungry he is and how unfair it is when all I’ve eaten that day is half a piece of toast and some strawberries!

Aibu to find it insensitive? He’s actually bloody lucky that he can as he does and his pancreas works!

[Sirzy]

It’s a hard one though as presumably he has a lot to lose so it is important to him and bery important for his long term health

You both have different battles and possibly don’t understand what each other is going though enough?

[Breadfoam]

Well he is nearly down to a healthy bmi now.
But before he’d have had like a family sized pizza to himself and several pints of beer etc. He’s always eaten a lot. He never looked particularly big as he’s tall too but bmi said he was obese. He’s lost about 2 and a half stone... so have I. But my bmi is now 18.

[Rednaxela]

Why can't you eat? Doesn't sound sustainable. Hope you're on some sort of treatment pathway?

[Breadfoam]

Blood sugars too unstable. No idea how much insulin I require as varies massively from one day to the next. Eating and taking insulin one day results in a totally different result to the next so the more I eat the more I risk being high / low after.
Not eating much eliminates a variable and is the only one I have control over.

[Almostthere15]

Can I make a really obvious suggestion, you need socialising to not be linked to food, because it's a pressure point for you both. When you can't avoid it then have a look what you can have before hand agree to it and then don't talk again about it.

I'm sure you're onto it,but strawberries and toast don't seem very stabilising for blood sugar?

I think you need an honest conversation when the not hungry and explain you know exactly how he feels since your diet is so limited and talk about how you can help each other. Perhaps you can both move to a place of empathy?

[Breadfoam]

He says it at home too. So I cook for everyone and then clear up whilst they are eating it and he will finish his full plate and say ‘I’m still hungry’
Yes - and I’ve had nothing all day!
Strawberries low carb, half a piece of toast is about 9g carb so neither very high in carbs.

[ferrier]

Maybe try to reflect his moaning by reminding him how well he's done ... how much better he looks ... blah de blah. You've probably already done this but just in case.

It's hard being hungry. It's even harder being hungry and seeing and smelling tempting food. I know you have this too but you've presumably been doing it for longer so a bit more used to it?

Maybe don't go out for as many meals? Choose an activity instead?

[Dodie66]

I would get help with controling your diabetes. That doesn’t sound right

[ferrier]

*deflect not reflect.

[Breadfoam]

Yes ferrier but the difference is it’s my forever. He is planning on going back to eating as he was before when it’s December and the festive season. I couldn’t have Christmas lunch last year (that I’d cooked) because my sugars were too high and it’ll probably be the same this year!

[ferrier]

Strawberries and toast are percentage wise quite high in carbs and very low in terms of filling you up.
Have you had a diabetic nutritionist sort out a plan with you?

[ferrier]

Going on the binge over Christmas won't help him but I'm sure you've said that too.

I think you have two separate things going on here. And actually your needs come before his at the moment. Once you get you sorted out on a sustainable eating plan then you may have more energy and empathy to support him with his.

[Breadfoam]

No because there’s no point.
It’s the fact my sugars are hugely variable that’s my issue.
Less than 20g carbs a day is not a high amount of carbs and that is a bowl of strawberries and half a piece of toast. Strawberries are very low in carbs.
Anyway - a typical day for me is one and a half pieces of toast and some berries. That is it. That’s the entire amount I can eat.
Dh still has a bowl of cereal, a sandwich at lunch, a proper dinner and then some bananas / apples / yoghurt for snacks.

[Quartz2208]

Dieting is hard and he has done well

But you need to get a eating plan that works this isnt sustainable for you long term - what do your medical team say?

[Datedandold]

Do you have other diabetes related complications? It sounds like you’re living no life at all, having to starve yourself to keep your blood sugar under control.

Can you get the freestyle libre on prescription? DP self funded for a while and it was the best thing he spent money on (T1D for 41years) as it helped him spot trends and evened out his long range.

Please go and see your diabetes nurse, because I think DPs moaning about being ‘hungry’ is secondary to your long term health.

YANBU to be fed up!

[FusionChefGeoff]

You can't just accept this as your forever!! Keep shouting and going back to GP demanding referral or specialists or new treatments or an insulin pump or - something!

[BaronessBomburst]

What about leafy green vegetables? They could fill you up and provide valuable nutrients.

[LL83]

I think you should speak to your diabetic team.
My nephew has dexcom which means we can see what his blood sugars are at any time and try to catch lows before hypo and can spot highs too. Might be useful for you.

Also there are support groups around the country dinner, I am sure another diabetic could give you practical help.

[Dfwr]

you need to go back to your diabetes team

[maskingtape]

Can't you eat things like chicken or eggs as they shouldn't raise your bloods too much?

[werideatdawn]

You need to sort out proper management of your diabetes. You seem to be directing your anger about that toward your DH and that's not fair. You absolutely do not need to be existing on a handful of berries and a slice of toast as a diabetic

[Almostthere15]

You do need to see a nutritonist/speak to your consultant. It's not sustainable to live like that, where are your nutrients coming from?

In terms of your husband, could you up the veg amounts, would that help him at all. I think it would be better for him to take over some of the cooking. It isn't fair for you to do it all

[BiddyPop]

That sounds like your consultant/dietician needs to work with you to better support the diabetes.

I know a DC locally who has diabetes who has a monitor that sends data to her phone. It means between herself and her dF, they can figure out the food/insulin needs and keep the blood sugars under control.

Whatever about your DH’s current regime, as a DM, you need to eat.

[Sparklesocks]

Changing eating habits drastically is quite difficult, your stomach stretches to fit the amount of food you regularly consume so when that is reduced you do feel the effects initially. So he probably is struggling even if it is positive changes.

however like PP I am concerned Op, that sounds terrible for you.

[Breadfoam]

I self fund a libre but it hasn’t helped.
I have an insulin pump.
Clinic don’t care because there isn’t a permanent consultant (have seen 6 different ones in three years), my A1c is 48 and my weight is only just underweight. Blood pressure, eyes, kidneys etc are all good apparently.

The issue I have is the variability.
So I can eat the same thing at the same time of day with the same amount of insulin and one day end up three times too high and the next too low. If I don’t eat it eliminates the high / low risk. It is useless carb counting when the results vary so much. How am I meant to know how much insulin to give when doing the same thing gives such wildly different results