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To reject this friend request?

(73 Posts)
limallama Mon 25-Jun-18 19:47:25

Ok so this all seems very high school and I can't believe I'm even giving it the time of day. But it has bothered me.

My dh's ex wife has sent me a friend request on Facebook. She has been nothing but vile to me and Dh since I have known her. (Before anyone asks, no I was not the OW and she is remarried too). So we are not friends and I only really have my actual friends on Facebook. People I would have a friendly conversation with in real life if I bumped into them.

AIBU to decline this friend request? I don't want to start any drama but I don't really understand why she has sent this request. In an ideal world I would prefer it if we were friendly but she has been so vile that I'm not sure that could ever happen. Im a bit uneasy with her following my Facebook feed too. To be honest the woman gives me anxiety & panic attacks. I dread interaction with her. I feel though that if I decline she can use this against me somehow to the kids, that she has been friendly even sending me a request on Facebook and I the big bad wolf declined it. I don't want to upset the kids. I'm probably reading way too much into it but it has unsettled me. AIBU WWYD?

icelollycraving Mon 25-Jun-18 19:48:46

Well you could accept it and put her on restricted list so that she sees nothing.

SnapeIsMyHero1 Mon 25-Jun-18 19:49:38

Accept it and out on limited profile so she can't see your feed. No bad feeling, no drama and she doesn't see your posts.

StillRunningWithScissors Mon 25-Jun-18 19:50:17

Just ignore it. Don't accept or decline. Leave it.

She can't really have a go at you for that. And she doesn't get the access she wants either.

SoddingUnicorns Mon 25-Jun-18 19:50:27

No, I’d reject it. I’m on good terms with my XH’s new wife (as in recently married, not new in a snide way) but social media is private.

limallama Mon 25-Jun-18 19:50:27

What does restricted do?

Jeezoh Mon 25-Jun-18 19:51:38

I’d decline it. It’s your Facebook account and you shouldn’t feel obliged to have her.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Mon 25-Jun-18 19:52:18

I just politely ignore requests from people who are not my actual friend. They can't know that you have seen it- maybe you use a different fb account...

AmazingPostVoices Mon 25-Jun-18 19:52:27

I would bet that she didn’t mean to send it.

She’ll have been Facebook stalking you and clicked friend request by accident.

My MIL does this all the time.

I would decline. Why on earth would you accept?

MrsClutterworth Mon 25-Jun-18 19:52:28

Decline it. What a nosey bitch lol.

CoconutAmericano Mon 25-Jun-18 19:53:18

Personally I’d reject the request and feel good about it!

sayanythingelse Mon 25-Jun-18 19:53:33

Ignore it, just leave her hanging. Hopefully she'll get the hint and cancel the request herself.

Notlivestock Mon 25-Jun-18 19:55:09

I would ignore it indefinitely. Totally understand why you wouldn't want her as a fb friend!

glamorousgrandmother Mon 25-Jun-18 19:55:56

Just decline it. No explanation required.

MrsJayy Mon 25-Jun-18 19:56:14

I was just away bet she was facebook stalking you and sent by accident block her leave the request pending she won't know fb is for people you like.

Katgurl Mon 25-Jun-18 19:59:14

Why should you accept it? Decline. I'd bet money she was stalking (I hope you have private settings) and hit friend request by accident. I'm a teacher and this sometimes happens with students.

When I met DP one of the first things I did was to find and block his kids and ex.

letsdolunch321 Mon 25-Jun-18 20:01:28

Decline it, you owe her nothing

TroubledLichen Mon 25-Jun-18 20:02:18

I’d leave it hanging but also make sure your privacy settings are tight as she’s very clearly stalking you.

jarhead123 Mon 25-Jun-18 20:05:53

Restricted means your friends, but she can only see what you make public! Win Win smile

Claredemoon Mon 25-Jun-18 20:13:55

ignore it and if she asks why just say that you hardly ever go on facebook so haven't seen it yet. Check your privacy setting so only friends can see what you post.

chocolateworshipper Mon 25-Jun-18 20:15:37

If you feel that it would cause problems to decline, you can set up all future posts to be visible to friends EXCLUDING her. I'm not sure about restricting her from seeing current posts though. You can also easily set up to not see any of her posts on your timeline.

TellsEveryoneRealFacts Mon 25-Jun-18 20:15:52

Gosh no, I would just ignore it. Then in a few weeks block her. Who wants their partner's ex as a FB friend if they aren't actually a friend?

Fintress Mon 25-Jun-18 20:19:16

I would decline. I was in a similar situation but I get on fine with husband's ex-wife (they were divorced 10 years before we met). I only met her for the first time a few years ago at a big family event. She said she would like to meet up for coffee or lunch and said she'd send me a friend request. I declined it. I like her and still see her at family occasions but I don't want to be her friend. Me declining has never caused an issue.

Cyantist Mon 25-Jun-18 20:20:05

If she has been stalking your profile it's not actually hard to send a friend request accidentally. This has happened to me twice and I'd only briefly looked at their profile - luckily they were old school friends rather than new girlfriends of ex-boyfriends or anything awkward.

BifsWif Mon 25-Jun-18 20:20:15

She has definitely sent it accidentally when stalking you.

Don’t go to the hassle of putting her on a restricted list, decline it. If it is an accidental request she’ll realise what she has done as soon as you accept and probably delete you anyway. Don’t give her any power.

If it was genuine and she tells the kids, all you have to say is that you keep Facebook for close friends and family only. No further discussion necessary.

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