To reject this friend request?

[limallama]

Ok so this all seems very high school and I can't believe I'm even giving it the time of day. But it has bothered me.

My dh's ex wife has sent me a friend request on Facebook. She has been nothing but vile to me and Dh since I have known her. (Before anyone asks, no I was not the OW and she is remarried too). So we are not friends and I only really have my actual friends on Facebook. People I would have a friendly conversation with in real life if I bumped into them.

AIBU to decline this friend request? I don't want to start any drama but I don't really understand why she has sent this request. In an ideal world I would prefer it if we were friendly but she has been so vile that I'm not sure that could ever happen. Im a bit uneasy with her following my Facebook feed too. To be honest the woman gives me anxiety & panic attacks. I dread interaction with her. I feel though that if I decline she can use this against me somehow to the kids, that she has been friendly even sending me a request on Facebook and I the big bad wolf declined it. I don't want to upset the kids. I'm probably reading way too much into it but it has unsettled me. AIBU WWYD?

I also would leave it pending, and forget you ever saw it.

Decline it, pending friend requests are removed after 30 days.

I only have true friends who I actually meet with as friends on facebook. I wouldn't accept her and leave it. However - she may have done it by accident - facebook sometimes suggests other people you may know and she could have done it by accident (I have in the past!)

Don't accept it. You owe her nothing, not even to put her on restricted.

It's quite possible she was having a nosey at your page and has pressed the friend request button without realising!

I am sure I say this in the newspapers earlier today but now I can’t find the link.

Am I imagining things or would an online news source delete it? Think it was ABC but not sure.

@sukitsketwo why would I want his kids rifling back years through my photos, nights out drinking shots etc?

@lilqueenie yes of course he knows. They do too, they had obviously looked me up and figured it out. The first time they asked me I just laughed and said I thought it was for the best, it would be weird for them to see photos of their dad with a woman they barely know and better we get to know each other in the real world.

Just ignore it. It’s easy enough to miss a notification, especially if you don’t use Facebook often. There’s no need to accept or decline. It will just vanish into a “pending” file eventually.

I wouldn't do the "accept with privacy options" that pp have suggested - even if you keep this woman on a restricted list, she will still get stuff from being on your friends list that I wouldn't want to give. Eg whenever you get tagged in another friend's photo, or mentioned in a comment - all your friends would get to see it including her. When you click "like" or comment on a public news type post or meme on fb it could be part of her news feed.

Just don't accept.

id decline it because if you leave it pending, she is by default following, so she will see any "public" posts.

Just decline, quietly and without any fuss or mention. There's no obligation to add anyone to your fb friends, no matter who they are, and you're under no obligation to explain, either.

I'd just ignore it. Don't accept or decline.

I knew I had seen it somewhere.

honey.nine.com.au/2018/06/26/06/11/new-wife-advice-first-wife

Only took a ‘journalist’ a couple of hours to find this and make it into a story.

When I met DP one of the first things I did was to find and block his kids and ex

That's so extreme, why would you block his DC as well? I do understand why you would block the ex of course, although my DSis is friends on FB with her DH's ex-wife.

Ignore.

Ok, I've just seen your update,Katgurl. That's understandable. But you didn't have to block them. They're not FB friends, so as long as you restrict your posts and photos so that only your friends can see them, they won't see any of it.

@lizzie sometimes I set things to friends of friends for whatever reason (if I take pics at a hen for example) and I don't want to worry about it. I don't see the big deal. I have tons of people blocked, work colleagues, students who I suspect were creeping, all exes.

The main reason I blocked his ex strsight off was so I would never be tempted to creep around her page.

I'd just let it sit there.

It makes sense where your DP's ex is concerned, Katgurl. But not with the others, or at least it isn't something I would do. I only block people if they give me good reason to do so.

You can always carefully select your audience for each post, even if you choose to put your settings on friends of friends. I would be much more wary of including friends of friends because I want to be able to have some control over who can see the photos I post. (But then, my DDs are adopted so I'm naturally cautious.) So that's why I don't need to resort to blocking.

But each to their own! The most important thing is to get to know them IRL, obviously.

Sending a friend request make NO a jot of difference about her seeing your public posts....they are PUBLIC, anyone can see them, it's kind of the whole point of the public option really.

And pending requests are not deleted after 30 days...I have one from my cousin's dog (ffs) sent when it was a pup, it's four now and that request is STILL hanging.

and fair enough decline and block, but the Ex KNOWS the OP is on fb, she sent that request remember, so she will know for sure the OP has blocked her if the OP suddenly vanished off the face of the FBworld.

far better to ignore it and imagine her having that little hot flash of shame every time she remembers she requested you in error in a stalky moment. And knowing you know she knows you know :o

She's probably sent it accidentally. Easy to do when you are looking at someone's profile on FB on a phone. She was probably having a stalk.....

Oh crap @Uncreative thanks for the heads up .